2 thoughts on “Cocaine and the Final Years

  1. Hi thanks so much for these posts. What i struggle with is rock bottom or knowing if im an addict. I use recreationally but this has slowly increased to the point i feel guilty depressed and low. However i do not use daily..crawl on floors or lost a job or my children so i keep thinking im creating this mess and i can stop so why dont i? Is it just because i love it and its fun? Even though its not always fun. I feel its just my lack of willpower and actually its a nice escape. How do i know if its a problem or im making it one?

    • Hi sweetie. It is a difficult one to answer because only you can really know whether or not you are an addict. I must point out though that I have met so many people like yourself who held down jobs etc and were high fuctioning. There is such a thing as a high functioning addict. If however you have tried to stop and you can’t – chances are you are addicted. The fact that you say you feel low and depressed also highlights that there is a problem. What you will find though is because you feel low you will use drugs as it makes you feel better but obviously there will be a come down….so eventually you will use again to make yourself feel better…and the vicious cycle continues. I believe there are different types of addicts – there are people who become addicted to something but once they get help and have some clean time they never have that problem again. Then there is the type of addict that is written about in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymmous. This type of addict is different because the drug is not actually the problem. The addict themself is the problem and because they feel so low and miserable and scared they use drugs as their solution to make them feel better. When you take the drink or drugs away from this type of addict they become what is known as a ‘dry drunk’. They are clean but they are miserable. Therefore they need a new soltion to take the place of the drugs or alcohol. That is where the 12 steps come in. They are basically a list of spiritual principles that the addict can put in to place instead of the alcohol or drugs so they can go on and lead a happy life. There is also yet another type of addict…someone who has a mental health issue for example Borderline Personality Disorder. They use drink or drugs as a coping mechanism to cope with their feelings. Often if they get treated for the mental health issue itself then the addiction will go away as well. I hope that made some sense to you! If I were you I would perhaps try to go along to a 12 step meeting (AA or NA etc) They are completely anonymous and you can just turn up and sit at the back and just listen to what people are saying and look for any similarities. Also try and see if you can go 2 weeks without picking up a drink or drug. I say both as often if someone puts down drugs they will substitute it with something else such as drink. If you can not manage to go without either then chances are there is a problem – but don’t panic! Once you are aware that there is a problem then you can focus on what you are going to do to fix it. Recovery from addiction is possible! Sending you lots of love xxx

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