As a family member of an addict or alcoholic you can go through so much. What are your options? How can you help?
hi beautiful people how you today I am going to do a video for family members or loved ones of addicts or alcoholics because family members go through so much I know what I used to put my mom through and looking back now some of the things I used to say to my mom they horrify me like Papa shocked me it's like almost as if that wasn't me I couldn't have said something that awful for example in my addiction I'd want money obviously for drugs and if I didn't have any I would turn to my mum taking up some money and she would say no obviously because she didn't want me spending money on drugs and I used to just turn and I'd be like I used to tell her I owed dealers money so if she didn't give me the money to pay the dealers they would come and burn her house down and I used to just make the most awful threats and try and literally blackmail her into giving me money sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't if it didn't or raid her purse and take money all things that are like just so shocking and light I'm so ashamed of now but I believe I'm constantly making amends to my mum because I did put her through so much but yeah so I thought I'd do this video because I know there's so many families out there that probably going through exactly the same and when you have someone that you love with all your heart and they're just being completely vile and killing themselves basically what you do because as a family member you can't fix that person no matter how much you cry and beg them to stop they won't stop addiction is a lot more complicated than that I wish that it was easy and if my mum had cried and said please stop killing yourself I'd go okay mom I won't do drugs anymore but it's really really not that simple and so I kind of wanted to give a little bit of advice it's a family members on what can you do now one of the first things that I learned while I was in rehab actually is that a lot of families enable us they let us get away with our behaviors because they don't want to throw us out on the street they don't wants to see us see us with nothing if like we're living away from home and maybe we've got children and we're asking for money they don't want to think we've got no money so they will give it unfortunately this isn't the best thing to do because you are just enabling that person to carry on in their addiction I think sometimes the person in addiction if they're going to get help they have to reach rock bottom and if you're helping them in any way they're not going to hit rock bottom as quickly as they shit so it's sometimes really hard but sometimes you got to say no you've got to move out well I'm not giving you a penny you're not having anything and it sounds really harsh because I know you love your family member but it's kind of being cruel to be kind another thing is understand addiction a bit and realize that you cannot fix them no matter what you do you cannot fix them you can support your loved one and understand that addiction is not simple it's not just a case of just having some clean time and giving up now another thing to consider is why has this person got an addiction has your family member got mental health issues have they got borderline personality disorder because I say there because the addiction the using drugs might actually be a coping mechanism because of their mental health issues so for example if they have borderline personality disorder and they are using drugs like I used to do chances are they're doing that to fix their feelings to cope with life and they need to have the borderline personality disorder treated or the mental health disorder treat is not always that simple because I was getting treated for BPD but my addiction was getting in the way so I actually had to go into rehab so maybe that's the case for your loved one if literally they are using every day they drinking every day or whatever that then needs to become the priority and that needs to be dealt with so how do you deal with it now there are 12-step fellowships that they can go to that's places like a a CA and they and they're free and they're anonymous and they can go along and get help for me I couldn't get clean that way I needed to go to rehab I needed to be put somewhere safe away from the drugs and get a period a clean time and I think that's the case for a lot of people but not everyone there are plenty of people that just go to the rooms which the 12-step fellowship we call the rooms and they can go to there and they can get clean that way because often there's meetings every day that they can go to and it's really throwing yourself into a around other people with the same problem not feeling judged to be able to open up and get help that way like I said the other options rehab some people can get it paid for them that it's apparently not that easy nowadays I think for someone to get treatment nowadays you're much more likely if you've got dual diagnosis which is a mental health problem and an addiction but don't quote me on that because I'm not hundred percent sure so it is worth looking into and seeing can you get funding to go to rehab obviously if you can't and your family is fortunate enough that you have money that you can pay for your loved one to go to rehab that's a really kind thing to do that's not enabling them by the way because you're not giving them the money don't give them money if it's a load of money go and get into rehab don't do that but you can but for them to go into rehab but they've got to want to do it as well if they don't want to do it it's pointless completely pointless because chances are they just they'll carry on with their addiction another thing with rehab is a lot of people go there you can go six eight weeks or whatever I did six weeks primary and then I went on and did five months in a secondary rehab a lot of people do first like eight weeks a and they come out and they feel like they're fixed and everything's great and then they relapse because it's not just a case of getting clean we need to get clean but then we have to constantly work on ourselves as well after until we've got quite a bit of clean time behind us different things work for different people some people come out of treatment and they can go to 12-step meetings I mean that was the most popular kind of option that I saw and lots of look clean that way and stayed clean that I yeah but some people just do the eight weeks and they come out and they think they're fixed and they do nothing else and they just go back to work or go back to their old routines and before you know it they have relapsed another thing I'd say to family members is relapse is a big part of recovery I think like most people have relapse as part of their journey not everyone gets it first time of course there are people that get it first time and good for them that's amazing but for most of us unfortunately we do relapse a few times the thing to do is to try not judge you loved one and encouraged them right look you've done this before you got clean before you got to do it again just pick yourself up and keep going rather than being I are there's no hope I give up on them there's no hope because like I said relapse is part of it if you've got a lot it's really hard as a family member I know part of a a they had al-anon which was for family members I'm pretty sure they probably have groups like that for not just alcohol ex but for like drug addicts as well I can't tell you the names of them because I just don't know but there are places you can go and you can talk to other family members who understand like what you're going through because it is really hard and family members kind of need support as well because what can your loved ones are basically killing themselves is hot it's devastating and sometimes it is just good to talk to other people about it and realize you're not alone there are so many families out there that go through this but yeah like get connected to other people that understand you that you can talk to because this it's not something that you have to bottle up and hide from everyone because I know it can be really shameful I think my poor mom adds I don't know I've never really talked to her about actually but I don't know like how she'd feel would she just got me out and my daughter's an addict I mean it's really embarrassing she wanted the best for me she wanted me to go to uni and I know I became a drug addict and it can be the harrassing for family members and you can feel really ashamed but the thing is not to because there are so many people out there that go through this and you're not alone and you can still like I said support your loved one without enabling them unfortunately sometimes it takes cutting them out for a bit they explained turned on just say right we've had enough though you can say look I love you and I'm here when you were ready to get help I am here but right now I cannot be part of this because I cannot enable this addiction to carry on and just to put it to them that way and did I cover everything I think I did yeah I think I did my mind has gone completely blank now but yeah lots of love to all guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.