This is my first guest speaker – and she’s my bestie – Jo!!!! Jo does my Tweets for me – those of you who follow me on Twitter will be used to her tweets! I am so happy you guys are finally meeting her!

hi I'm Joe and I'm an addict and been in
recovery like just saw this coming up to
my fourth year actually jun 27th and
well this 2013 and i came into rehab so
i just start with just telling you a bit
about myself grew up in north london
Northwest London and two brothers one
stepsister my step sister she came later
and my dad wasn't at it he messed about
with all drugs and and eventually I'm
cutting his story sure eventually was
diagnosed with schizophrenia and he used
to take my brother's up to the fly over
to watch UFOs and then ended up in free
and Barnett so we had to run away from
him anyway until he was sectioned so we
did run away then like I think like me
nan and grandad come with us so my nan
and granddad was always in our life I
love my nan and grandad so much and like
when they when they moved out the house
so he moved out because my mum I had a
boyfriend who moved in um so obviously
that didn't go down very well anyway he
turns out to be an alcoholic and not a
very nice one and alcohol was always
part of our life you know the Parbat was
the norm alcohol in the house but all
parties it was just normal to have our
call and funny enough I didn't like
alcohol even as a teenager and everyone
was drinking it just wasn't my thing I
didn't like it I didn't get into it
until I was in my 20s on started having
panic attacks and you know used alcohol
and to give me wings and
and so the first time I was introduced
with any sort of substance was my
brother was a teenager and he was
sniffing glue and I found him with the
kids on the estate sniffing glue he saw
me he got on his hands and knees he
begged me please don't tell mum please
don't tell Mom and of course I never
because I knew what my stepdad or do I
know that I would never tell so then I
became curious and I started watching
the kids on the estate just watching
them to sit in there like watching them
but never tried it was so scared never
tried it even when I went into secondary
school didn't try blue I was probably
the only one I was petrified of it I
think it was because my brother's
reaction you know but foul-tip X and
that was the beginning of my journey
with drugs yeah so it's tippex gasps the
usual and pas every think I've tried
I've been addicted to everything lot of
stop smoking puffs 10 years I was on
that Don me the most damage mental
health you know I've suffered from
depression as a teenager and I put
everything down to puff it
and the puff was well I say it was
better but I saved better what I mean is
it wasn't so mixed it all the shit that
all the kids are having in there like we
didn't have skunk we had temple ball and
stuff like that so god knows what it's
doing to the kids brains frying their
brains now so yeah done the use your
progression through my drugs went from
one bad relationship to another had a
child at 19 that's the only time I never
smoked cannabis was when I was pregnant
the only time and yet done the party
scene with the ease um just everything
everything I tried the only thing I
didn't like still tried it was her lucid
elex and you would think I wouldn't even
try like acid or mushrooms since my dad
you know when when mad on it um yeah so
then I've lost my job I've lost my
career I wasn't even just a job I lost
my career for taking crack and heroin
like when you've taken brown your it's
like there's not really anywhere else to
go you take it in the beginning you
don't think you're going to get hooked
you take it in the beginning you like
the feeling so you keep taking it the
first couple of days because you're
still chasing that that that first
feeling that you have from it um and
then you're just taking it taking it
taking it
and before you know it you need it you
need it to function properly you need it
so you're not sick so I damn about 12
years on that going on holiday trying to
detox coming back home can't stay clean
I've done all that changed my job's a
geographical is impossible you know
because you've always got to take you
with you it's like a waste of time it's
just not going to happen you've got to
hit that rock bottom in my opinion
you've got to be ready my rock bottom I
didn't lose my flat you know I still
looked all right really half decent you
know still got my teeth yeah I had the
mask I did have the mask but inside it's
what i'm getting it inside I was a mess
I was crushed I was desperate I've done
with that shit done with giving them
people my money I just did more part of
it anymore you know I totally Magnus I
remember really being suicidal not for
the first time but I've got the Hoover
Stella what I fall always do it and
wrapped it around my neck my fault
should i plug it in ah you know the mad
things we do totally it's not funny but
obviously I've got laughs of an eye you
know but in those ten at ten years or
twelve twelve years I was in and out of
hospital blood clots on my lungs you
know I'm in the hospital that I can't
breathe nearly up nearly died I know
there's something out there that's
always been out there looking after me
looking out for me because I should have
died tenfold yeah so I'm I'm in the
hospital and I'm tied to a drip and I'm
still in the toilet boot in no that's
we do mad things on that shit so anyway
after my last suicide or where thought i
would say more than an attempt and i
thought you know what my dog was like
mum you know it out or at 18th birthday
she said to me i'm graduating next year
if you're not playing you're not coming
and that broke my heart and i still
couldn't get playing a little get clean
you can't get clean for anybody else you
can only do it for yourself as much as I
wanted to love my daughter more than
life itself really I do obviously we all
do his parents and I couldn't do it I
couldn't do it and I thinks who is no
for years it took me I was 42 and when
I'd had enough and I asked for help I
always had the excuse that you know not
gonna want sale because my daughter's
too young and I'm worried about Social
Services well you know wasn't ready then
but i really was ready and I was lucky
enough to be taken into a four-week
detox at first it was forward for weeks
I thought do matete detox go home and
fixed live the rest of my life go back
to work done but now this is a disease
of my behaviors this is a disease of
self I this is an ongoing thing and this
is going to be a lifelong journey now
that I've got I've got to I've got work
this program every single day of my life
yes I after the four weeks in detox not
very nice detox iver if anyone well
you'll know if you've been on that crap
um I i went to secondary and I done a
few months in there so I started working
my program what I mean is like working
the steps I found myself a sponsor as I
say it's an everyday thing and you know
it doesn't matter what you go through I
mean I was in rehab I lost my dad a year
later I lost my stepdad I've lost a baby
in recovery if you work this program
doesn't matter what you go through your
innermost fear for your work in this
program got you know the NA program a a
program seat whatever fellowship you can
stay clean for anything anything and
that's what I do every single day I mean
I'm not great one for praying but you
know I pray almost every day and I do my
I do readings I I do the recovery with
shereena I help Serena sometimes um you
know and I help other people and I think
that's part of where you get yourself a
steam as well it's like helping others
that's what this program is about it's
learning about yourself because as
addicts or alcoholics we don't really
know ourselves when I come out of
treatment I never even know what clothes
I lights I never know me I've been using
since I was 12 I just didn't know myself
all I knew was the anger I had were
growing up with an alcoholic stepfather
you know my sister's an alcoholic both
my brothers are addicts so for me it's
like I believe in the genetic side of
things because that's my experience
that's what that's what I know
all i can say is any of you out there
struggling is try and surround yourself
with clean friends stay away from the
friends that you used to use with and
get into a fellowship program and just
be the best you can be you know that's
all that's all you know our family and
what you want for yourself is well you
just want to be the best you can be and
being an alcoholic or an addict is not
the best you you can be so I'm going to
leave it there and I wish you the best
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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