This is my first guest speaker – and she’s my bestie – Jo!!!! Jo does my Tweets for me – those of you who follow me on Twitter will be used to her tweets! I am so happy you guys are finally meeting her!
hi I'm Joe and I'm an addict and been in recovery like just saw this coming up to my fourth year actually jun 27th and well this 2013 and i came into rehab so i just start with just telling you a bit about myself grew up in north london Northwest London and two brothers one stepsister my step sister she came later and my dad wasn't at it he messed about with all drugs and and eventually I'm cutting his story sure eventually was diagnosed with schizophrenia and he used to take my brother's up to the fly over to watch UFOs and then ended up in free and Barnett so we had to run away from him anyway until he was sectioned so we did run away then like I think like me nan and grandad come with us so my nan and granddad was always in our life I love my nan and grandad so much and like when they when they moved out the house so he moved out because my mum I had a boyfriend who moved in um so obviously that didn't go down very well anyway he turns out to be an alcoholic and not a very nice one and alcohol was always part of our life you know the Parbat was the norm alcohol in the house but all parties it was just normal to have our call and funny enough I didn't like alcohol even as a teenager and everyone was drinking it just wasn't my thing I didn't like it I didn't get into it until I was in my 20s on started having panic attacks and you know used alcohol and to give me wings and and so the first time I was introduced with any sort of substance was my brother was a teenager and he was sniffing glue and I found him with the kids on the estate sniffing glue he saw me he got on his hands and knees he begged me please don't tell mum please don't tell Mom and of course I never because I knew what my stepdad or do I know that I would never tell so then I became curious and I started watching the kids on the estate just watching them to sit in there like watching them but never tried it was so scared never tried it even when I went into secondary school didn't try blue I was probably the only one I was petrified of it I think it was because my brother's reaction you know but foul-tip X and that was the beginning of my journey with drugs yeah so it's tippex gasps the usual and pas every think I've tried I've been addicted to everything lot of stop smoking puffs 10 years I was on that Don me the most damage mental health you know I've suffered from depression as a teenager and I put everything down to puff it and the puff was well I say it was better but I saved better what I mean is it wasn't so mixed it all the shit that all the kids are having in there like we didn't have skunk we had temple ball and stuff like that so god knows what it's doing to the kids brains frying their brains now so yeah done the use your progression through my drugs went from one bad relationship to another had a child at 19 that's the only time I never smoked cannabis was when I was pregnant the only time and yet done the party scene with the ease um just everything everything I tried the only thing I didn't like still tried it was her lucid elex and you would think I wouldn't even try like acid or mushrooms since my dad you know when when mad on it um yeah so then I've lost my job I've lost my career I wasn't even just a job I lost my career for taking crack and heroin like when you've taken brown your it's like there's not really anywhere else to go you take it in the beginning you don't think you're going to get hooked you take it in the beginning you like the feeling so you keep taking it the first couple of days because you're still chasing that that that first feeling that you have from it um and then you're just taking it taking it taking it and before you know it you need it you need it to function properly you need it so you're not sick so I damn about 12 years on that going on holiday trying to detox coming back home can't stay clean I've done all that changed my job's a geographical is impossible you know because you've always got to take you with you it's like a waste of time it's just not going to happen you've got to hit that rock bottom in my opinion you've got to be ready my rock bottom I didn't lose my flat you know I still looked all right really half decent you know still got my teeth yeah I had the mask I did have the mask but inside it's what i'm getting it inside I was a mess I was crushed I was desperate I've done with that shit done with giving them people my money I just did more part of it anymore you know I totally Magnus I remember really being suicidal not for the first time but I've got the Hoover Stella what I fall always do it and wrapped it around my neck my fault should i plug it in ah you know the mad things we do totally it's not funny but obviously I've got laughs of an eye you know but in those ten at ten years or twelve twelve years I was in and out of hospital blood clots on my lungs you know I'm in the hospital that I can't breathe nearly up nearly died I know there's something out there that's always been out there looking after me looking out for me because I should have died tenfold yeah so I'm I'm in the hospital and I'm tied to a drip and I'm still in the toilet boot in no that's mad we do mad things on that shit so anyway after my last suicide or where thought i would say more than an attempt and i thought you know what my dog was like mum you know it out or at 18th birthday she said to me i'm graduating next year if you're not playing you're not coming and that broke my heart and i still couldn't get playing a little get clean you can't get clean for anybody else you can only do it for yourself as much as I wanted to love my daughter more than life itself really I do obviously we all do his parents and I couldn't do it I couldn't do it and I thinks who is no for years it took me I was 42 and when I'd had enough and I asked for help I always had the excuse that you know not gonna want sale because my daughter's too young and I'm worried about Social Services well you know wasn't ready then but i really was ready and I was lucky enough to be taken into a four-week detox at first it was forward for weeks I thought do matete detox go home and fixed live the rest of my life go back to work done but now this is a disease of my behaviors this is a disease of self I this is an ongoing thing and this is going to be a lifelong journey now that I've got I've got to I've got work this program every single day of my life yes I after the four weeks in detox not very nice detox iver if anyone well you'll know if you've been on that crap um I i went to secondary and I done a few months in there so I started working my program what I mean is like working the steps I found myself a sponsor as I say it's an everyday thing and you know it doesn't matter what you go through I mean I was in rehab I lost my dad a year later I lost my stepdad I've lost a baby in recovery if you work this program doesn't matter what you go through your innermost fear for your work in this program got you know the NA program a a program seat whatever fellowship you can stay clean for anything anything and that's what I do every single day I mean I'm not great one for praying but you know I pray almost every day and I do my I do readings I I do the recovery with shereena I help Serena sometimes um you know and I help other people and I think that's part of where you get yourself a steam as well it's like helping others that's what this program is about it's learning about yourself because as addicts or alcoholics we don't really know ourselves when I come out of treatment I never even know what clothes I lights I never know me I've been using since I was 12 I just didn't know myself all I knew was the anger I had were growing up with an alcoholic stepfather you know my sister's an alcoholic both my brothers are addicts so for me it's like I believe in the genetic side of things because that's my experience that's what that's what I know all i can say is any of you out there struggling is try and surround yourself with clean friends stay away from the friends that you used to use with and get into a fellowship program and just be the best you can be you know that's all that's all you know our family and what you want for yourself is well you just want to be the best you can be and being an alcoholic or an addict is not the best you you can be so I'm going to leave it there and I wish you the best buy [Music]
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.