In this video I talk about what it was like to live with bulimia for 16 years.

Transcript:
hey again and I'm gonna talk about
living with bulimia for 16 years right
living flea Mia I know it sounds weird
to anyone um that doesn't have anything
about Rivas HughesNet suffered it but it
really did become normal for me me to
sit down have a meal go to the toilet
yeah that was normal and I think for
those clothes around me that had lived
with me doing that for so many years
unfortunately kind of became normal for
them they knew what to expect they knew
I was gonna do it they knew there was no
point in trying to stop me now
my mom up until last year really was
still on my case if I went to the toilet
she'd scum start banging on the door or
she would say please darling just lie on
the sofa for ten minutes
Linus Offutt emmerich because she'd want
that food to be kept in me for a bit and
I remember lying there I'm so for like I
just wanted to scream because physically
it was the worst feeling in the world
died I don't know if any of you have had
a big Sunday race to discover and you're
safer and that was what it was like for
me but no matter what after what I ate
so I didn't have to go full but I feel
like oh my god and it was the thought
like I need the food and I picture it
linger into my tummy and then I think
all the fats being sucked out and so
then mentally I'll just be like gotta
get out gotta get out we're good okay
okay back and horrible horrible feeling
the worst feeling because I just
couldn't not not make myself um
some days I could make myself sick ten
to 15 times sometimes I've been as if I
was on my own nose around
cake cake mom the scale quittin
chocolate moving around to the Twitter
come back down back in the cupboards or
other cookies and I do that again and
again and again until I wore myself out
physically I couldn't do it and I don't
even know why I used to do that cuz I'm
I don't know if it was on acting or
feelings I don't think it was sometimes
it might just be in boredom I know as
soon as I put some junk food in me I
then couldn't stop because I'd think but
I've got me a myself sick and it's
easier to fill myself up so actually
physically really feel it then just have
a chocolate bar right on a normal day
I'd probably just be sick three times
breakfast lunch dinner don't get me
wrong there were times that I might have
an apple in between and I could keep
that down but then other times I can say
I need a big plate vegetables really
healthy meal do I make myself sick come
back down and eat a piece of chocolate
bar I like chocolate and then forget
about it and keep that down and that
didn't make sense because but they don't
remember it while I'm lying in bed and
hope I began to see if nothing oh my god
I didn't bring up the chocolate it
repels my mind I wouldn't be able to
sleep um it just became so normal
I do like to the point that I didn't
even think it was a problem I didn't
worry about it I didn't know about have
things now a few years in I then
obviously had the drug addiction and I
also have our pool ism
borderline personality disorder like I
so I had to leave mental health problems
and addictive diction problems that um I
thought they were the problems and that
one side saw to do that out then I could
focus on my eating because that wasn't a
problem because my weight would
fluctuate
sometimes of you really sometimes I put
on nodes away and in the end I don't
even think it was actually I wasn't
doing it just to lose weight it just
became habit really bad habit me no
haven't you do through choice but I
don't know because it wasn't I didn't
then I went through times is still
suffering with the bulimia when I wasn't
concerned about my way if that makes
sense
but I just did it anyway it was like
just cuz I used to do it after I had
food in me but then obviously other
times it was about my way and maybe so
consciously it was all to do with my way
I just didn't know that though I live
with believe me for a long time not the
healthy thing to live with really
believe it there than that one so kind
of told you what's good with my don't
just wonderful on Mike I'm doing
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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