hi guys you must excuse the state of me
I've literally been cleaning the house
all day it is some holidays now so kids
are about all the time and as much as I
love my little babies they're messy
they're really really messy and they can
manage to completely trash the house in
their hour and a half and when they wake
up til they go to school I tidy when
you're at school they come home and in
the few hours before bed they trash it
again and at least then I've got a few
hours in the day where I can do my
videos I can do my work on the black
sheep project and I can tidy the house
that's they're here all the time so the
place is just upside down and and I'm
the sort of person that when the place
is upside down I feel like I'm going to
go insane I'm like I just my mental
health really suffers and I feel really
like chaotic in my head I can't focus
that I don't like to sit down and do a
video or do any work until I know my
area around me is tidy and this is
difficult when you've got young children
all below the age of eight I do think
this is karma as well because growing up
my room my bedroom was always a complete
state and my poor mum was always on at
me to tidy and I never did and now I
like tidy and my daughter in particular
I will scrub her room and the within
minutes is just trashed so anyway so one
of my issues at the moment is the fact
that the kids here it is the summer
holidays for six six and a half weeks
I'm going away this weekend for my
cousin's wedding and
we've got a little family holiday in
August just for a week away and I'm
tryna get my videos done I'm trying to
play with the kids and give them some
time I'm trying to keep the house tidy
and I'm trying to do my work on the
black sheep project because I keep
checking my emails and I mentioned the
video before like Randy is heading up
the u-verse new section and Megan's
heading up the we section and they are
literally doing so much work at the
moment and I'm trying to try and keep up
and but I I'm really finding a bit of a
struggle so um I'm not going to be doing
three videos a week for the next few
weeks and I am going to do one or two it
will always be at least one I'm hoping
I'll still be able to do two on a Monday
and Friday that is what I'm aiming for
but if there's some weeks when it's one
I apologize this is hopefully just
short-term the thing is I really want to
give my all to the black sheep project
and my reasons for that is I believe
this can benefit you so much please
trust me when I say you you guys are at
the forefront of my mind when I'm doing
this work and and I'm just so excited
and I'm so passionate about it because I
really believe I have some ideas I'm
like oh my god this could help
this can help so many people and I'm so
excited about it but I need to actually
do the work and whilst I'm doing three
videos a week and the kids are here all
the time I'm just not going to manage it
and like I said honestly guys I really
believe what I'm doing right now I'm
where
something that can help so many of you
please believe me when I say that so I
do want to kind of put a lot of focus
into that but I mean obviously I'm not
leaving my channel I'm not deserting you
because I love doing videos for you guys
and I love reading your messages and I'm
sorry I know I don't always get time to
reply and but so I'm definitely I'm
still here basically and I will be still
doing videos but like I said it might be
one a week hopefully I've managed the
two and at the moment it's quite
difficult because the last night my
little girl she's not what that all the
kids have been on well but the baby is
five and a half months she was
particularly unwell her breathing's
really like irregular going from really
fast and shallow so I found 1 1 1 which
is isn't 999 which is our emergency over
here but it's like an out of hours and
they can tell you what they think you
should do whether it's see your doctor
the next day or take them to where you
need a tow and they were like ok we're
gonna send out an ambulance and I was
like well I don't think she needs an
ambulance um I could drive her to any
and they said no she's a baby and
anything happen we need to get an
ambulance to you now so an ambulance
came out and I just thought they'd look
her over and say no she's fine
and they're like no we need to bring you
up to the hospital because we can hear
something on her lungs so I ended up
travelling up to the hospital in an
ambulance and my little girl and luckily
she is okay she's fine and I suppose
with little ones they can't really take
any risks I had a really interesting I'm
really sorry about the banging I've got
the window open and some neighbors are
having some work done and yeah really
interesting conversation with the
ambulance man and lady and I was in the
back with the lady and I was kind of
chatting about my channel talking about
mental health and she was kindly saying
like they see it all the time people
suicidal and
they can't leave them so they take them
to the hospital and aana often can be
quite judgmental and I know this from
when I used to attempt suicide because
they kind of think we're time wasters
not all of them don't get me wrong not
all of them but a lot of the time they
can and then yes they go to A&E and then
they're just sent home the next day they
do the same and the ambulance the same
people are cooled out and the ambulance
tur I was saying it's like there's no
place for them and we can't a lot of the
time obviously people might be drinking
or using so they can't be assessed by a
crisis team because crisis team will not
sucess while they're under influence so
they have to wait until they're kind of
sobered up excuse me a.m. have to wait
until their sobered up before they can
assess them but I know like when it's me
I would like take these risks with my
life and I'd usually be in a crisis when
I was under the influence and then I'd
probably pass out for a bit and when I
came around I feel a bit was more full
of it I wish I hadn't done that until I
was drinking again or using again and
the same thing would happen and that you
know this definitely something has to be
done here and like I was discussing with
the lady and she even said like if there
was a special like refuge like a crisis
center so if the ambulance' are called
out to someone who is in a crisis they
might not have attempted suicide but
they might be threatening to or and they
need to be kept safe have someone to
bring them in so it's a refuge so they
can just sit and talk because they're
all the time once we can talk to someone
we can calm down but I used to find when
odd phone like the crisis line it's not
the same on the phone you kind of want
that face-to-face contact with someone
and sometimes I was just sitting talking
to people the ambulance people
and the ambulance people keep saying the
ambulance fee for the paramedics that's
the word I'm looking for the ambulance
people they're paramedics they're saying
that happens there and they get called
out quite long and then they will just
sit and talk and calm the person down
and which is so wonderful of them but
actually that's that's not actually
their job there might be someone that is
having an emergency where it's life and
death and the paramedics need to be
there
I'm not saying when we were in a crisis
it's not life and death because it is
because we really do put ourselves at
risk but wouldn't it be great if we
actually had somewhere to go
where we could talk to people that kind
of understood mental health a bit more
they understood us and um somewhere
where we could be kept safe rather than
we can stay there for 24 hours because
the worst thing is when we're going to
take him into a and Eve judged and just
sent away and we do just end up doing
this again and so yeah it was a really
interesting she was so lovely the lady
lost changed was she was so lovely and
mom so lovely as well and anyway my
little girls okay so I just tell you
that and so yeah guys this video I'm
gonna put out what does it - it's
Tuesday today I'm gonna put this video
out on Friday and then so as of next
week I will be doing one or two
hopefully - like I said and I'm really
sorry I really do not want you any of
you to feel like I'm abandoning you
because that's the last thing I do I am
still here and I am just literally
having to reduce the amount of video so
I can get other stuff done because like
I said when the house is upside down
heads all over the place and I can't
focus and I need to focus because
honestly we've got some really exciting
things happening and I think it can be
so great for all of you and I just can't
wait to do it but I've really gotta get
that work so I will leave it that I hope
you all have a wonderful weekend and I
will be back next week love y'all Hey