Today’s vid is bit different. I take you around my house and I discuss the 2nd step that I believe we need to take in order to recover from BPD. Big hugs to you all! Xxx
hi guys happy Friday today I'm doing a video that's a bit different one because I'm doing on my phone because I'm gonna walk around it give you a little tool while I talk that is usually where I sit that is the red chair that you see in case you ever wonder what's that red thing in the background so I sit and film now this thing here is going to it's like a frame for a green screen so when I'm doing my courses I've got my kitty that's Severus Ethan what you're doing it's my little boy he's four he's um why are you doing what are you doing you're turning the volume back up huh no it was not that loud to stop oh you're hiding you couldn't try you're gun-shy he starts school next week now you have your volume up a little bit bad so um yes over here I've got this is how I did all my chapters so I'd write a chapter name and I would just write notes everywhere because I had so much I wanted to write this is like when I'm writing my book so I mean see as you go through I've just for every Chapel nothing that oh yes because I can do notes I just went mad with writing I get I do better when I'm actually writing so we're coming to my kitchen er that's my garden out there kitchen kitchen we have dances often Wow look at the sign powder room and when I first moved in I thought God if I'd lived here years ago and it said powder room I thought it's like a cocaine room but I'm luckily not that person today so I don't think that I just think it's a really cute song this is the snug and again the deck hole is really like we've not done anything to the house so it is really um old-fashioned but it's cozy uh it clean but I've literally just got so much that I want to do with it but I really like it in this room this is my safe for that fourth in the old flat oh my son's guitar so and there's my pad thing flipchart better with the Rajiv's but we play games on it it's so right let's go upstairs you know you get no when you stand up you're like okay so we go upstairs so that's the hallway stir go upstair my daughter's bedroom is the only room redecorated and I did it and it cost me a fortune to do it small portrait consider I have no money and I really regret it because she has no respect for her room like none so rent No so dark in here she's into space so you can't really see but sure how walls I wouldn't fly turn it light on that's good like glitter paint can you see it shimmering I don't know if you can eat shimmers and then I've got a picture with the moon that glows in the dark and a weird light where is it there aim for the moon even if you miss you'll land among the stars her piano look at the state of this room so she got new carpet in her bedroom and we have stuff like this and like she's just destroyed her room and I'm sure it's like karma coming back because I used to destroy my room and my mum used to any nuts not like I don't care little toilet lot of toilets here in this very odd minute if they put a separate Twitter to bathroom um eventually I'd probably lock it through my bathroom look I take you in that boy's room so this is the boys mm-hmm their little beds so I really need to decorate they've got toddler beds and Ian is 7 I mean his feet don't touch the Enzo but he's old and Eason is here then we have mirror weilong and I love it because I can hide like I've got their bookcase that so it's out of sight so the room can look tidy I have the little uniforms so these were essence he starts school next week so he's got his green hangers and then qian's all blue hangers then if we open a mummy door again look at all those toys but it's out sight that's okay and then I've got my daughters that's all her dresses because she doesn't have a cupboard in her room and in the final one I pinched it it's my wardrobe with my summer clothes and you're probably wondering why do always wear a black t-shirt and it's because I'm too fat to fit in my car I have put on about a stone and so I don't it's on my top half my dresses won't so until I lose some weight I just kind of slip out in jeans this is my room the way this I wish I was a glowworm know mom's never glum because how can you be Rumpy when the Sun shines out my partner Darrin I call him D he got me that when we first got together that is my Nana with me that's me is a little baby can you see that was my nan in Ireland so yeah this is my room and the cot I sleep here so little lady can go here and then I've got my more wintery clothes on this side and then my father's got a side as well I suppose I had to let him have some space so I've gone fuzzy yeah that is my house this is where I sleep at night and then babies next to me she has only just learned to climb up and jump over onto me not good so that's my video today I wanted to talk to you actually about step 2 and because I foot BPD as opposed to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous so I step 2 would be ask for help and I would say like most people when they get like get my book or if you watch my videos chances are you're already on step 2 or 3 step 1 obviously it's it's me we've got a problem admit something's not quite right rather than blaming everyone and I did a video that the other day and then the next step is ask for help and that isn't as easy as it just sounds because a lot of us are very proud we have our pride and asking for help his it can be really tough for us now when I said ask for help but didn't mean you have to go immediately to the doctor and say I need some help it could be saying it to a good friend it could be sent to a family member but just finally saying I'm struggling and I need a bit help here and it's really important we do that and not just like right at the beginning either because it's very easy like at the beginning when we first find out we got BPD and then we say we need some help and that but as we go through our recovery we can always go back to that step like at any point and what what do I mean by that so okay so just around you're doing quite well in recovery everything's okay nothing's too bad maybe you got a new job and then all of a sudden you just feel yeah and you just don't feel you you just not feeling it basically and for a lot of us when it's like that we have this like panic have we got that gone back to how we were in the beginning we don't want to admit to anyone because everyone said oh you're doing so well are you doing so amazing and so we don't want to ask for help but it's important wherever we are in our recovery when we're having like going through a tough time that we're able to turn to someone and just say I need a bit help I'm really struggling right now because people can't read our minds and people don't know what's going on for us and by asking for help and saying to them look I'm finding it really difficult right now people know where they are with likely they can understand us a bit more and realize why maybe we're being the way we're being because if we don't tell people they don't know and then we feel like the whole world is against us and so it's important sometimes that we swallow their pride and are able to admit like actually I'm struggling I need a bit help right now so that's what I kind of meant by ask for help obviously in the beginning it's really important we do that because that's how our recovery starts if we never ask anyone for help and we think oh we've got this I'm gonna do this chances are about recovery is gonna be really really difficult but we can ask for help and we can receive help it might not necessarily be the help that we want immediately because like I know it's like in this country in the UK it's like a two-year wait for treatment in America Australia I know people say they just can't afford it but like I said it doesn't have to be the professional straight way it could just be saying to a friend I need a bit help right now I'm really struggling and it's okay to say that I kind of learn about the asking for help when I was recovering from drug and alcohol addiction and that's really difficult to ask for help because again pride gets in the way for me for years my drinking and using I always thought actually I was in control and I just couldn't admit to myself that actually it was in control of me and it's the same thing with the BPD for a long time I thought I've got this I'm okay I can deal with this and actually it it was completely running my life my emotions from my life and I had to make that I had to ask for some help and you did I have to ask for help but when I was then offered it I had to accept it because again a lot of the time we might be able to say can you help us but when someone goes to or something like no you don't want to take it we're fine we can do it on our own and we can't so it's okay to be able to say like I'm struggling I need some help I think I can leave that there today guys I've got going to the school and now I'm like so tired I've had two weeks el two weeks ago Ryle make this really really quick two weeks ago my four-year-old downstairs we were getting his school uniform we're in a big shopping center he was down by my side I was talking to him I've looked down gone just gone I freaked out I thought someone had taken him security were called they like shut off the exits and entrances they spent nearly 45 minutes looking for him before they found him now he's got a speech delay so he couldn't even tell something but he wasn't frightened he was happily playing in this play car when he was found but I was her I was the honestly it was the worst two days later I went to kept my older team from their dads were drove to the services service station like now are away and their dad had gone so I'm with the four kids I had four kids and lots he had been fine on the journey she slept on the journey she'd been really happy that morning all of a sudden my oldest amelia said to me mum what's happened to Lottie I said well I've looked she's like struggling to breathe like shaking and her lips started going blue so I phoned an ambulance they came they said we need to get at a hospital so I said I've got all the kids so we all had to pile into the ambulance and go to this hospital like that's no hitting in my house freaking out thinking my daughter's not breathing it turned out she had had a febrile convulsion that was brought on by a massive spike in temperature her heart rate was doing over like 220 her temperature had gone over to 41 she was fine anyone it turns out shared one slightest which she then passed on to her sister who then passed on to the four-year-old brother who then passed it on to the same brother so that's why I haven't done videos this week so I've been dealing with sick children also trying to get all their school uniforms Donna because obviously they're going to school going back to school now they're back at school I'm like breathe back into a routine so I will be back next week doing videos I'm sorry this is a bit different but I've been meaning to give you a little tour anyway so yeah I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I will be back next week I love you all later
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.