hi guys happy Friday today I'm doing a
video that's a bit different one because
I'm doing on my phone because I'm gonna
walk around it give you a little tool
while I talk that is usually where I sit
that is the red chair that you see in
case you ever wonder what's that red
thing in the background so I sit and
film now this thing here is going to
it's like a frame for a green screen so
when I'm doing my courses I've got my
kitty
that's Severus Ethan what you're doing
it's my little boy he's four he's um why
are you doing what are you doing you're
turning the volume back up huh no it was
not that loud to stop oh you're hiding
you couldn't try you're gun-shy he
starts school next week now you have
your volume up a little bit bad
so um yes over here I've got this is how
I did all my chapters so I'd write a
chapter name and I would just write
notes everywhere because I had so much I
wanted to write this is like when I'm
writing my book
so I mean see as you go through I've
just for every Chapel nothing that oh
yes because I can do notes I just went
mad with writing I get I do better when
I'm actually writing so we're coming to
my kitchen
er that's my garden out there kitchen
kitchen
we have dances often
Wow look at the sign
powder room and when I first moved in I
thought God if I'd lived here years ago
and it said powder room I thought it's
like a cocaine room but I'm luckily not
that person today so I don't think that
I just think it's a really cute song
this is the snug and again the deck hole
is really like we've not done anything
to the house so it is really um
old-fashioned but it's cozy
uh it clean but I've literally just got
so much that I want to do with it but I
really like it in this room this is my
safe for that fourth in the old flat
oh my son's guitar so and there's my pad
thing flipchart better with the Rajiv's
but we play games on it it's so right
let's go upstairs
you know you get no when you stand up
you're like okay so we go upstairs so
that's the hallway stir go upstair my
daughter's bedroom is the only room
redecorated and I did it and it cost me
a fortune to do it small portrait
consider I have no money and I really
regret it because she has no respect for
her room like none so rent No so dark in
here
she's into space so you can't really see
but sure how walls I wouldn't fly turn
it light on that's good like glitter
paint
can you see it shimmering I don't know
if you can eat shimmers and then I've
got a picture with the moon that glows
in the dark and a weird light where is
it there aim for the moon even if you
miss you'll land among the stars her
piano look at the state of this room so
she got new carpet in her bedroom and we
have stuff like this and like she's just
destroyed her room and I'm sure it's
like karma coming back because I used to
destroy my room and my mum used to any
nuts not like I don't care little toilet
lot of toilets here in this very odd
minute if they put a separate Twitter to
bathroom um
eventually I'd probably lock it through
my bathroom look I take you in that
boy's room so this is the boys mm-hmm
their little beds so I really need to
decorate
they've got toddler beds and Ian is 7 I
mean his feet don't touch the Enzo but
he's old and Eason is here then we have
mirror weilong and I love it because I
can hide like I've got their bookcase
that so it's out of sight so the room
can look tidy I have the little uniforms
so these were essence he starts school
next week so he's got his green hangers
and then qian's all blue hangers
then if we open a mummy door again
look at all those toys but it's out
sight that's okay and then I've got my
daughters that's all her dresses because
she doesn't have a cupboard in her room
and in the final one I pinched it it's
my wardrobe with my summer clothes and
you're probably wondering why do always
wear a black t-shirt and it's because
I'm too fat to fit in my car I have put
on about a stone and so I don't it's on
my top half my dresses won't so until I
lose some weight I just kind of slip out
in jeans this is my room the way this I
wish I was a glowworm know mom's never
glum because how can you be
Rumpy when the Sun shines out my partner
Darrin I call him D he got me that when
we first got together that is my Nana
with me that's me is a little baby can
you see that was my nan in Ireland so
yeah this is my room and the cot I sleep
here so little lady can go here and then
I've got my more wintery clothes on this
side and then my father's got a side as
well I suppose I had to let him have
some space so I've gone fuzzy yeah that
is my house this is where I sleep at
night and then babies next to me
she has only just learned to climb up
and jump over onto me not good so that's
my video today I wanted to talk to you
actually about step 2
and because I foot BPD as opposed to the
12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous so I
step 2 would be ask for help and I would
say like most people when they get like
get my book or if you watch my videos
chances are you're already on step 2 or
3 step 1 obviously it's it's me we've
got a problem admit something's not
quite right rather than blaming everyone
and I did a video that the other day and
then the next step is ask for help and
that isn't as easy as it just sounds
because a lot of us are very proud we
have our pride and asking for help his
it can be really tough for us now when I
said ask for help but didn't mean you
have to go immediately to the doctor and
say I need some help
it could be saying it to a good friend
it could be sent to a family member but
just finally saying I'm struggling and I
need a bit help here and it's really
important we do that and not just like
right at the beginning either because
it's very easy like at the beginning
when we first find out we got BPD and
then we say we need some help and that
but as we go through our recovery we can
always go back to that step like at any
point and what what do I mean by that
so okay so just around you're doing
quite well in recovery everything's okay
nothing's too bad maybe you got a new
job and then all of a sudden you just
feel yeah and you just don't feel you
you just not feeling it basically and
for a lot of us when it's like that we
have this like panic have we got that
gone back to how we were in the
beginning we don't want to admit to
anyone because everyone said oh you're
doing so well are you doing so amazing
and so we don't want to ask for help but
it's important wherever we are in our
recovery when we're having like going
through a tough time that we're able to
turn to someone and just say I need a
bit help I'm really struggling right now
because people can't read our minds and
people don't know what's going on for us
and by asking for help and saying to
them look I'm finding it really
difficult right now people know where
they are with likely they can understand
us a bit more and realize why maybe
we're being the way we're being because
if we don't tell people they don't know
and then we feel like the whole world is
against us and so it's important
sometimes that we swallow their pride
and are able to admit like actually I'm
struggling I need a bit help right now
so that's what I kind of meant by ask
for help obviously in the beginning it's
really important we do that because
that's how our recovery starts if we
never ask anyone for help and we think
oh we've got this I'm gonna do this
chances are about recovery is gonna be
really really difficult but we can ask
for help and we can receive help it
might not necessarily be the help that
we want immediately because like I know
it's like in this country in the UK it's
like a two-year wait for treatment in
America Australia I know people say they
just can't afford it but like I said it
doesn't have to be the professional
straight way it could just be saying to
a friend I need a bit help
right now I'm really struggling and it's
okay to say that I kind of learn about
the asking for help when I was
recovering from drug and alcohol
addiction and that's really difficult to
ask for help because again pride gets in
the way for me for years my drinking and
using I always thought actually I was in
control and I just couldn't admit to
myself that actually it was in control
of me and it's the same thing with the
BPD for a long time I thought I've got
this I'm okay I can deal with this and
actually it it was completely running my
life my emotions from my life and I had
to make that I had to ask for some help
and you did I have to ask for help but
when I was then offered it I had to
accept it because again a lot of the
time we might be able to say can you
help us but when someone goes to or
something like no you don't want to take
it we're fine we can do it on our own
and we can't so it's okay to be able to
say like I'm struggling I need some help
I think I can leave that there today
guys I've got going to the school and
now I'm like so tired I've had two weeks
el two weeks ago Ryle make this really
really quick two weeks ago
my four-year-old downstairs we were
getting his school uniform we're in a
big shopping center
he was down by my side I was talking to
him I've looked down gone just gone I
freaked out I thought someone had taken
him security were called they like shut
off the exits and entrances
they spent nearly 45 minutes looking for
him before they found him now he's got a
speech delay so he couldn't even tell
something but he wasn't frightened he
was happily playing in this play car
when he was found but I was her I was
the honestly it was the worst two days
later I went to kept my older team from
their dads were drove to the services
service station like now are away and
their dad had gone so I'm with the four
kids I had four kids and lots he had
been fine on the journey she slept on
the journey she'd been really happy that
morning all of a sudden my oldest amelia
said to me mum what's happened to Lottie
I said well I've looked
she's like struggling to breathe like
shaking and her lips started going blue
so I phoned an ambulance
they came they said we need to get at a
hospital so I said I've got all the kids
so we all had to pile into the ambulance
and go to this hospital like that's no
hitting in my house freaking out
thinking my daughter's not breathing it
turned out she had had a febrile
convulsion that was brought on by a
massive spike in temperature her heart
rate was doing over like 220 her
temperature had gone over to 41 she was
fine anyone it turns out shared one
slightest which she then passed on to
her sister who then passed on to the
four-year-old brother who then passed it
on to the same brother so that's why I
haven't done videos this week so I've
been dealing with sick children also
trying to get all their school uniforms
Donna because obviously they're going to
school going back to school now they're
back at school I'm like breathe back
into a routine so I will be back next
week doing videos I'm sorry this is a
bit different but I've been meaning to
give you a little tour anyway so yeah I
hope you all have a wonderful weekend
and I will be back next week I love you
all later