hello today I'm doing a video on life
can still throw things at me so you come
into recovery you're not using you're
not drinking you think life's going to
be lovely everything's going to be
wonderful and it's not like that because
life still happens since I've been in
recovery I've had my granddad who I love
dearly died the difference was my
wonderful Nana died about 10 years ago
and I was in the grips of an addiction
when she died it was all about me I was
losing my nana poor me I was so sad I
would never see her again and I just got
off my face and I did not think about
anyone around me I didn't think about my
dad or his brothers and the fact that
these four boys had lost their mom
because i was just all wrapped up in
myself this time my granddad died and i
was able to be there for my family be
there for the four sons be there for my
dad and care about them and not have it
to have anyone worrying about sharina's
going to go and get pissed and fucked
because it wasn't about me and they lost
their dad so you do have life come up
it's not just big things like death
sometimes it can be we've just come into
autumn for example my mood I really
suffer with seasonal affective disorder
sad and my mood drops I don't want to go
out bed when it's dark in the morning
I'm a bit more miserable whereas in the
summer as I can't we go down the gym
drink loads of water now unlike a bit of
a hunter book hermit want to stay in I
want to do in a thin so that can affect
me you can also have finances weird
things happen your boiler might go
you're in debt you can have your
children aren't well now I was really
looking forward to the past half term
that's just happened
and I thought I'm going to have some
freedom because the kids are going to my
mom's for the second half of the week
unfortunately the first half I was
really poorly I could hardly move and I
had to deal with the three children then
by the time the other two older ones
went to my mum the baby was unwell so
the second half of the week I was
dealing with him so I didn't feel I got
a break at all thus the bags and looking
a bit like shit I feel the feeling
definitely like shit but the difference
is whereas before any kind of stress
would happen or didn't feel well I would
go and pick up a drink today I know I
can't do that it won't make me feel
better maybe the first one I think it
will but actually all those stressful
miserable feelings will be exacerbated
and I will feel so much worse if I carry
them drinking is only time before I
think oh nice cheeky lyman ms so that's
not an option for me I really believe in
just keeping your recovery in the day
because there's people that could have
five years clean time doing nothing for
their recovery not leading spiritual
lives and they're what you call a dry
drunk they're not actually using but
they're miserable because they haven't
got their solution which is the drinking
drugs to make them feel better I had
forgotten what I was going to say now
and yeah I've heard in a meeting before
someone say you know like it doesn't
matter how much clean time we have as
long as you're clean for today because
someone that's like I just said clean
five years not doing their stuff
miserable or you could have someone that
30 days clean leading like doing their
program really spiritual really well but
then in another meeting some guy said
you say it doesn't matter about the
clean time but ask my family and so that
is where it's important because
obviously the longer you are clean the
safer and more secure your family feel
but for me I do just have to keep it
today today I won't drink it doesn't
matter what happens I just have to get
through today and it makes it so much
easier tomorrow I'll deal with tomorrow
I don't need to think about the future I
can't dwell on the past but I can just
focus on the here and now because
sometimes it is really hard because life
is on life's terms I can't control
what's going to happen in the future I
can't change the past and it's having
acceptance around things and dealing
with them as they pop up I think I'll
leave that there today did I make any
sense bye