hi my love please and I'm going to give
you a little overview on my week I've
had quite a tough week it's all it's not
being the worst that's me exaggerating
right my washing machine broke down
which was not big deal but I've got
three kids I do at least a wash a day
and the washings building up and I'm
getting stressed so luckily I have a
warranty on it so if someone comes out
and says they need to order part so I
wait another week and they come out and
they tell me it's fixed and they go away
and I'm super happy and I put my wash
load on I come home and it's still
broken so I wasn't happy i found the
company and they said we've just got to
go back through started again and rebook
it all I was like well why they said
your files closed I said well surely it
should be closed if it's been fixed the
guy hasn't fixed it so what it ain't
closing it northcote entrust em and my
lovely one we even got on the phone to
them bless her and um they sent someone
out the next day it was good um someone
that knew what they were doing and they
actually fixed it gay so that's problem
solved my car broke and I've had the AAA
out to them trying to fix it and it
needs to go into the garage and the
carriage is full until more basically a
week I know I could probably send it
somewhere else but I trust this garage
they do not rip me off and they're
really pleasant and so I'm not sending
them to some garage where they will rip
me off so again it's not a big deal with
loads of people out there that don't
have cars but I have three children like
I keep saying and having three children
I love my kids but life is a lot harder
I can't just get up go out
going to the school it sounds easy
enough I have my little girl who's
nearly seven I have my little boy who is
five in two weeks and I have the baby
who is nearly two who smart baby
actually what I he sleeps till my baby
who goes in his prime all good so my
little girl good as gold what was quite
fast perfect my four-year-old like a
snail but slower when I turn around say
hurry up he goes even slower and then I
have the baby who no matter how tightly
I put him in his pram he gets out I can
be moving with the pram and he will
wiggle and stand up and fall out so
you'd think it'd be easier to just not
bring the pram little walk but he won't
hold my hand he will think it's okay to
try and run into the road if I try and
hold his hand he throws himself on the
floor for more so what should be a 10 15
minute walk is over a half hour walk and
answer yeah I've got to do that in a
minute actually so this video had to
speed up a bit and my four-year-old boy
decided to wake up in the middle of last
night and just throw a mega tantrum no
reason he wasn't having a nightmare to
scream in the place down kicking her bed
I was saying please you're going to wake
your brother he didn't care he woke his
brother also did of course cause it and
so he wake his brother I have to tell
you I got so angry I wanted to throttle
him obviously I didn't um but I'm very
aware i guess so and really angry and
I'm just like toy down and he just
screaming and in the end I said listen
and listen carefully if you carry on I'm
going to cancel your birthday party do
you know what
he shall upon went to sleep that's all
it took threatening his birthday party
unit went to sleep after waking everyone
up so I woke up in a bad mood and the
other day I got some news about someone
that I love dearly well I think what was
the person I love dearly that gave me
those actually and I don't want to go
into it like basically there's someone I
love and I can see they are struggling
and I can see this because I have been
there and I all of a sudden this past
weekend I've really understood how my
mum used to feel like so powerless
because so many times she could see I
was really unwell but I just wouldn't
accept the help because I just didn't
see it and I'm kind of going through
that with someone I care about now and
and it's really hard because I can see
they're not well and I'm kind of saying
look you need to get some help they
don't see it they're telling me well if
everyone else thinks I'm happy what they
forget is actually everyone used to
think I was happy when I was dying
inside so telling me that people think
they're happy that's not glower make me
think they're happy because I can
clearly see they're not and its really
affected me because I really love this
person they mean the world to me and and
I just know they're struggling and it's
like I said it's really hard accepting
that actually I'm powerless over the
what this person does all I can do is my
best and try and guide them and hope
that arm they'll be okay but it has
affected me it's brought up a lot of
things in me and I said on friday i'm
using my dbt skills which i really am
I've been using like the
stress tolerance distracting a lot my
house is spotless because I distracted
with housework so much I have this week
I've also like compared myself to others
because here I am moaning that I don't
have a car and my washing machines broke
there's people dying in the world so I
have been doing that as well I yesterday
I took my three little ones to the beach
on my own as you know what before I did
I never realized how feared up I works I
was like just freaking out that I was
going on my own I think how am I gonna
manage one of them is gonna run into the
sea and drown one order and I had all
this like catastrophizing going on and I
even actually said come on guys we go to
the park and said they're like Nevo
beach because the weather so beautiful
and I kind of thought you know why I've
just got to take them so I felt the fear
and did it anyway and I had an amazing
time we all sat on a big blanket on the
sand we ran down to the sea together got
lots of beautiful photos of them and we
got ice cream on the way back and then
yeah overall it was amazing and on the
way back all the kids say mommy we just
had the best day we had the best day and
it was so nice and but I am really wear
that I'm feared up about a lot of things
still even now and I get anxious about
anything new if I go somewhere with like
the local park or take them there all
the time so that's not a problem for me
because I kind I just do it without
thinking but the beach because it's
being cold we haven't been there and so
although something feels like I'm doing
something new and its really really
freaked me out but do you know what like
when I moved here and like well I
decided to relocate here I live two
hours of red before and I made the
decision to reload
and it was a hard decision to make
because I was moving away from my mom
and I really really kind of rely on my
mom for a lot she's like just her and my
stepdad they're just amazing and they've
they've like giving me so much support
but I was also moving away from my
ex-husband which yes fine he's my ex and
you think oh well that's what's the
problem but he's the dash to my two
older children and also where I was
taking them away and I didn't want to
really fit them but now I mean my
children are so happy they tell me how
lucky they are to live here all the time
we like a five minute walk from the
beach and I just love it it's the best
decision I ever made the kids are really
happy in school they both go to a
brilliant of school the little one goes
to an amazing nursery and yeah is the
best choice I made but I notice it when
things like the washing machine in the
corn that it's not like i can just pop
rousey mum help and it's not like i can
just call on anyone i mean i'll have
lots of lovely friends but who's going
to what three children during this
Pitman lot on somebody hair but yeah I
kind of moved down here thinking and how
amazing would it be for my children to
grow up by the beach because for me
going to the seaside was like once in
the summer holidays it was different
when I used to go over to island and
stay with my dad and my stepmom I'm a
Nana and granddad and I used to go to
the beach all the time I was really
lucky but when I was over here we didn't
live near the beach so it was like a
special day out kind of occasion and I
think how amazing for my kids I really
do have to make the most of it but I
catastrophize like I said and everything
can seem so scary when it's new but i'm
really glad i took them because we did
we had the best day
so my emotions this week have kind of
been like this have I been sad yeah I've
cried this week I've been so angry
especially last night this week and
seriously anxious before I went to the
beach this week but I am really I always
try and put as many skills I have into
practice as possible and it really
really helps me really so yeah that's my
catch up for this week guys but I hope
you all well and you can find me on
Twitter and feel free to tweet me or
comment in my comment section or I'm on
facebook and I'm on an Instagram as well
on Instagram I'm recovery mom mo-om oh
hi guys take care laughs a