hi i'm back and i haven't done a video
about two weeks and I haven't posted
anything about why so I thought I'd do a
weekly ketchup and i will tell you
what's been going on for me right i said
in one of my last ketchups that i came
off my medication what I didn't say was
why I'm pregnant I'm having baby number
four brave or crazy I don't know but um
yeah I'm pregnant and it's been such
just struggle the past few weeks because
I've been so tired like any one that's
pregnant can tell you just how tired you
get it's like just I just wanted to
collapse and yet I couldn't because I
still have three little ones that I have
to run around after not just that not
just the tiredness I constantly felt
like I wanted to be sick I almost wish I
could be sick because I might get some
temporary like temporary little bit of a
temporary relief but I didn't I just
felt it from literally the moment I went
wake up to the moment I went to sleep so
it's been a real struggle and it was the
end of the school term the kids broke up
or today's Friday they broke up on
Wednesday and my daughter has finished
infant school and is moving into the
junior school and there's just been so
much to do paperwork to fill out meeting
new teachers parents evenings like
productions that they put on like levers
parties and it's just been non-stop and
I've just felt so drained and I didn't
even have the energy to sit up the
laptop just open it up and turn on
that's all I have to do I didn't even
have the energy to do that just to write
an O and I kind of didn't want to just
write on Britain I thought it'd be
better if i did a video and explain
so yeah I've had all that going on and
I'm off my medication now if you've seen
some of my other videos you realize I
did suffer both prenatal depression and
postnatal depression and I was really
scared when I had to come off my
medication but I'm doing okay like
considering how tired how sick and how
busy I have been mentally I feel okay
there are times when its getting on top
of me especially as I'm someone that I
like order around me I like the place
tidy I mean don't get me wrong the kids
trust the police every day but it's hot
it's clean and I clean regularly and
that's one of the signs for me actually
if my house where it starts getting left
then is usually because my mental health
is deteriorating and and obviously
because I've been so tired some days I
just thought you know what fuck it I
don't want to for today I don't want to
move on I don't care about the crumbs on
the floor and I do care but I just can't
I'm so tired I can't do it and usually
that would drive me nuts and odd start
freaking out but I didn't I kind of
thought right look you're pregnant
you're tired you're off your meds just
sleep and that's what i've been doing so
in the daytime I've been doing the
school run Nursery Rhyme coming home and
get in a couple of hours sleep and and
being generally like kind to myself
rather than just making myself do the
housework because I know had I done that
I would really been burning the candle
at both ends I would have other just
completely drained myself and then my
mental health possibly would suffer but
so far so good and the weather is
amazing at the moment and I love the
sunshine it's hard though because like I
said
I am in a two-bedroom flat and my kids
room is like box room it's tiny they've
got two little toddler beds and you can
hardly move in there and i love this
flat it's south-facing so we get some in
the window all the time but we haven't
got balcony that we can step out on
because I've got little ones and the
window in my bedroom isn't one that just
high up it so you've got open it and
like my kids would just fall out so I
can't open it I can only open them ones
in their room the doors to its like a
Juliet balcony you know it's just like a
bar across but the kids start hanging on
and I'm worried they'll fall so I tend
not to open them so it's so hot in here
and I have always loved this flat but
since this hot weather like we've got no
garden it's so hot they're like I said
my two lu two older ones crammed in a
little bedroom the two-year-old is still
in with me in his cot and and it's so
hot it's not like i can just let them go
and play in the garden and fill up a
paddling pool of our paddling pool is
our birth they have to have a bath and
we say you have like four baths the
other day because it was just so hot and
and usually I'd be quite good say right
let's just go to the park but again I've
just been so drained especially after
the school run I just want to get home
and get on with doing dinner and stuff
so especially with number for baby
number four on the way we definitely
definitely need to move we need to look
for somewhere bigger I need a garden
that they can play in it's not fair
they're really cooped up in here now and
so that's what I'm going to be doing I'm
looking at the moment for somewhere
bigger and a couple of days ago I think
it was like the first hottest day of the
year it was so nice and I had a few bits
to do so like some errands to run so I
was doing that and my car broke down it
overheated and I ended up sitting on the
side of the road with my two-year-old
for a nearly two hours waiting for AAA I
didn't know that if I had told them I
had the
with me they would have prioritized me
until I found them after an hour and a
half masive why didn't you say so yeah
that wasn't good the car is now in the
garage and actually there's so much
wrong with it the guy said I'm really
lucky it just didn't explode like the
pressure that was building up in the
pipes was ridiculous so that it's just
costing a small fortune just what I need
at the beginning of the holidays um but
you know i'm lucky i have a car i have a
roof over my head and I do try to
sometimes I can really get oh I'm stuck
in a flare I've got new garden my car is
broke and that perhaps I am a believer
of the law of attraction and I think if
I focus on all that I will get more of
that and so I need to be more like yeah
I've got a roof of my head I do have a
card why not work but I got a car and
and the positive thinking and yeah i
think by doing that better things will
come to me and also by doing that I just
feel grateful I feel better inside
because it's very easy to start getting
into self-pity and feeling really sorry
for myself hmm and by just reminding
myself of actually just all the things
that I do have and it makes me feel
mentally I'm so much better so yeah
that's basically what has been going on
I will possibly be doing videos on the
pregnancy and my mood in the pregnancy
because like I said in all my other
pregnancies my mood really dropped us
reading my pregnancy journals from my
first two children actually my third one
I didn't keep a pregnancy journal and
but at this stage like well from the
beginning every week it's like I've been
crying non-stop I've been crying I'm
solo brother and and I'm not crying i
don't think i have actually cried this
pregnancy and yeah so that is good but i
know with my
child a little boy who's too I really
took my mental health well it suffered
all the way through really I self harmed
in that pregnancy I just felt so low but
one thing that got as I got bigger I it
was like my self-esteem was just not
because sometimes when I'm feeling a lot
mmm I really crap I could just put some
makeup on it's nice clothes on put a
pair of heels on and go out and it's
fake it to make it basically and feel a
bit better that when you're as big as me
like my belly's out here and I just
couldn't feel sexy I couldn't feel good
so my mood would be low or be feeling
really naf in myself and I couldn't just
talk around in heels because I would
have just looked absolutely ridiculous
waddling in heels basically so I will do
videos on zip pregnancy but let's
fingers crossed this one's different and
my mood stays good because um because so
far it has and I've got to be very very
grateful for that and I must apologize
to everyone that's messaged me that I
haven't messaged back because I do try
to reply to every message and at the
moment I get enough messages that I can
like reply it's not like it so many I
can't reply it is manageable and i can
reply and i do but the past like I said
couple of weeks not being so good at it
and I am sorry for that and I will get
back on that today and if anyone has any
questions or ideas or videos that you'd
like me to do just drop me a message and
I should reply because like I said I'm
actually I woke up yesterday and I
actually had a bowl of cereal like and I
haven't done that for weeks and weeks
and weeks because I just wake up feeling
like I just wouldn't be sick I can't
even drink coffee anymore and I love my
own
coffee and the thought of it just makes
me wanna be sick so yeah so it's
definitely getting better for the
sicknesses going I got a bit more energy
it might because the lovely sunshine
outside um yeah I'll keep you updated
lots of love guys bye