The kids had their half term hols, I went to Ireland for my brother’s wedding, I no longer have a house to move in to and I cried for the first time this pregnancy!

hi lovelies today is my weekly catch up
as you know I was away for a little way
in Ireland for my brother Daniels
wedding it was amazing it was such a
nice day I cried as Emma was coming down
the aisle everything like it was really
the wedding was really blood personal it
showed their personalities song choices
were amazing food was amazing the day
was just brilliant obviously it's an
island though loads Irish people and
myth they're just so funny like my
cheeks are actually aching with laughter
it was um I laughed so much it was
brilliant it was really really good I
was on the way to the airport we're
going to Heathrow my lovely stepdad Lee
was bringing me to Heathrow and I was
thinking I've got turned back I can't go
because it was really early it was like
five in the morning or something and my
youngest Eason he was still asleep and
it's the first time I've left him like
at my mum's and I was thinking he's
gonna wake up a mummy and daddy aren't
there and I was really worried but it
turned out he didn't even miss us he
woke up all happy to see my mum and he
had a great time he loved it all the
kids had a fantastic time and myself and
my partner Darren had a fantastic time
in island it was really nice him a dad
and my uncle and my lovely step my man
and yeah it was really nice it kind of
went really quickly though and when I
got back the night I got back I had a
bit of a meltdown in my mum's kitchen
crying and it's the first time I've
cried since I've been pregnant and yeah
just crying I can't cope I'm having a
baby I've got me I was it's really
Christmas like everything I kind of got
on top of me but I'm really feeling
tired and going to island we were up
really early to get to the airport to
get to the hotel to get ready
to go to the wedding it was like all on
that day and then obviously and get
latest not i went to bed earlier than i
thought it would actually but um yeah it
was like a lot on them we went out for a
meal the next everything was like
crammed in and so we were busy busy busy
and I was just exhausted but also for
those that know me whenever I come back
from Ireland I often go on a bit of a
downer and have cry and it's been like
that since I was a child like because
when I used to go out with my brother
Carl and we'd see my dad I would saw at
the airport I don't want to leave you
daddy I want to stay here really cry and
although I don't do that now I'd want a
good I don't do that now but it's also
something it affects me and I feel a
sadness I don't know I grew up I used to
feel like Ireland was my home and when I
was coming back to England I felt like I
was leaving my home and the thing is if
I had the choice now I don't think I
lived there and not because I don't like
it cuz i love Island and I loved the
Irish people they're brilliant and if
isn't about it but I'm in England now
I'm down the south of England so I'm
like coast I've got the beach here and I
think that's why I was drawn to this
place actually because the beach is
always going to reminded me of my
childhood and I love where I live and
the kids are happy here and the thing is
the difference between here and there is
the weather is slightly better I know
it's not exactly hot here but it's not
as cold or windy or rainy and the rain
and the bad where they can get me down
if it's like that constantly yes I am
I'm just quite content here but
yesterday we found out the house that we
were hoping to move into has it's all
fallen through so I won't be living in
that towel
now so I'm kind of back to the drawing
board starting again looking for
somewhere somewhere we can afford some
way that's got some space and whereas I
was kind hoping would be in before
Christmas I don't see that happening now
so yeah that's another life mm thing to
get on with but you know this is life
this is life am and it's okay we will be
okay ryoko it's been a mad rush this
week and I've really been thrown out
this week because the kids didn't go to
school on Monday it was an inset day
they went back on Tuesday but like even
though today's Wednesday I thought today
was tuesday so my whole weeks in kind of
throw it out on the days and i was
thinkin our Dukes videos today I'll do
some videos tomorrow but as it turns out
I won't be doing videos tomorrow because
I have the little man and but I will be
back on Friday and while i was away my
lovely stepdad Lee he published some of
my videos that I did I did the genetic
one so I have kind of see I get your
messages up on my phone i'm really
behind and replying i haven't for about
a week so that's going to be fun when i
get back to that and trying to catch up
desperately but some of your messages
just made me so sad like just really
made me want to cry there was a message
from someone i think it was Mike wasn't
like someone anyways saying like about
well if your mom and dad have mental
health that is clearly why you are the
way you are AB and while i was on me i
will reply but i thought i'd say on here
as well my dad and mum weren't the
nutters actually they were they didn't
my mum has always been stable
I mean she can be loopy but in a fun way
she doesn't actually want me to hell but
when i said it's on both sides of the
family it's on both sides of the family
but that doesn't necessarily mean it's
my mom and dad and yeah so i thought i'd
say that what else what else has been
kind i can't think for anything my
mind's gone completely blank but i have
miss doing videos for you guys and i
love all your messages as when they come
through i think i'm gonna leave that
there and go and get the kids cuz i've
got swimming lessons today i'll usually
do my shepherd's pie today and i haven't
done it and because i did the school run
and then i went back to bed naughty
naughty whereas i could have been
getting stuff done I was just exhausted
so I yeah I'm gonna leave that there but
I will be Black Friday now and I know
I've got a long list of videos to do
that you requested and I promise you I
am working through them yeah but I know
it's like the other day got a week or so
ago I did one on did two videos I think
on the Friday and I rushed them really
quickly to just fit them in because I
was where I hadn't done a video in a
week and I just felt they were really
rushed and one of them i repeated myself
like I was in such a rush I think I
repeat myself twice and hold the same
story twice and I don't like rushing
videos to you guys so it's not like I
just want to cram them all in and get
them out the way i do want to do them
properly for you but i hope you are all
well and i will be back on friday and as
nothing lots of love to you bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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