hi my lovelies please excuse the deep
voice I have a really sore throat right
now today I'm going to talk about
crushes favorite person and best friend
and try and explain some kind of
difference between the three because for
me there definitely are differences and
I suppose it can be different with
different people often we might see two
of them kind of overlapping or merging
together slightly and you might not
agree with me but these are my
differences anyway so what I'll do I'm
first gonna discuss like how each of
them making me feel now when I have a
best friend the best friend tends to be
someone that has been a best friend for
years and years and years
I don't just get new besties all the
time
my best friend is kind of someone almost
in the background they're not
necessarily someone that go out with all
the time they're not necessarily someone
I speak to all the time I might go
months not speaking to them and then
phone them and it's like we were never
apart when I'm struggling I know that I
can count on my best friend I know they
would be there for me but well I used to
find is when I was struggling it wasn't
my best friend odd call and I think that
sometimes because in my warped thinking
when I was like really bad and crying
out for help I would be more inclined to
say test people so cry out to people to
see if they would be there for me
whereas I know my best friend would be
there for me and therefore I wouldn't
call them which is ridiculous yes I know
but that's just how it was for me
my best friend is someone
I would I could trust they do their best
to understand me I can show them my true
self I can talk to them about real
things and not be worried about how
they're perceiving me I could just be
real I could just be myself
there was never me wondering what they
thinking about me because I just I just
trusted them I suppose so yeah that
would be a best friend like I said it's
not someone that's necessarily right
there by my side through everything some
of you might have a best friend that is
there all the time and there were times
that when I was with my best friend that
we would spend lots of time together but
I always found them like if I got
boyfriend I would very much just push my
best friend aside possibly because I
knew they would still love me and I
didn't have to fear that they would not
talk to me maybe I took it for granted
that they just understand I say then we
have a crush don't wanna cough through
this whole video now for me a crush it
would really affect me internally I
would have butterflies in my tummy
I would be getting like that kind of
anxious excitement and obsessive
thinking I literally could not stick
stop thinking about anyone except the
person I had a crush on now when I had a
crush on someone
it was for me someone of the opposite
sex that I could see myself having a
sexual relationship with it wasn't just
someone I saw her as a friend there was
or - it was like in my head or we could
get married and have children I know
that's ridiculous I've said it before
but that's how I would think I would be
like really just jumping way ahead with
my thoughts now
when like nowadays if I don't get
crushes anymore really I don't know why
that is maybe it's because I'm in
recovery maybe it's because I'm just too
busy maybe it's cuz I get out I don't
get out and I don't see anyone to get
crushed
no I'm I don't get crushes on people now
so those that people that do get crushes
now it's very easy like for it to come
all consuming in the fact that we have
social media we could just stay at home
and social media stalk them and be
looking through at things about them
back when I had crushes on people though
we didn't have like social media or at
least it was like it was very early on
and considering I was like a technophobe
I didn't have a clue how to stalk on
social media so I was the sort of person
I would do it in person
I was talk in person so if like I had a
crush on someone at a local pub I would
go to that pub and I would might see at
the bar I just watched them I just
watched them from I realize how
ridiculous that is that so it was back
then if they went to a gym I would go to
gym and what them in Mersin um the theme
and I had a crush on someone
oh I would really care about what they
thought of me I would want them to see
me at my best
so if I was in the gym watching them and
they were on a certain machine in the
gym I would go on a machine near them
and really cope really go for it
hoping they'd look over anything like
wow she's really laughter that I'm
flying now because looking back I see
how ridiculous it was but at the time I
didn't because I couldn't focus on
anything else except wanting them to
look at me and think I'm nice because I
think they're nice if I was in a pub and
I've sat at the bar watching from afar
and another girl came in and started
talking to my crush that would really
upset me i ad feel anger
I'd feel jealousy if I then found out
actually that it's not his girlfriend
it's just a friend then I would want to
become her friend because I'd think
that's a way in and if she likes me
maybe she'll put in a good word for me
and then he will like me and when I had
a crush on somewhere it's like honestly
it's all I could think of it would get
like it was an obsession now I did a
video recently told from obsession and
overcoming obsession and so if you're
feeling that you'll get an obsessive
thoughts possibly that video on
overcoming obsession may help because
I'm not really going to go into how to
stop it today I'm just going to talk
like about the differences so again with
a crush they they didn't really
necessarily have like any kind of
relationship with me we didn't have to
be friends we didn't have to know each
other they each answer
didn't know I existed it was just like
this relationship from afar that in my
head we had this amazing relationship in
their head then on the wiser they don't
know who I am but I'd always feel like I
know them because I would be thinking
about them constantly it wasn't a
healthy way to be because like I said it
would take up every waking hour and
sleeping hour like if I had a job and I
had a crush I couldn't do my job because
all I wanted to do was sit and daydream
about my crush and I quite liked though
I quite like watching me like while I'm
watching them because I felt like I was
being proactive when they were not in my
side it was very difficult because I
didn't know what they were doing oh my
goodness I sounds a weird ok right let's
move on to favorite person now a
favorite person for me was different in
the fact that it wasn't someone that I
wanted to have a sexual relationship
with it was just it could have been a
girl it could have been a boy it was
some it wasn't like a best friend
because I didn't really trust them 100%
yeah at the same time I kind of depended
on them and I felt they should do
everything for me I felt like I wasn't
complete without them in my life I'd
want to spend all my time with them I
could think about them and I think I
wonder what they're doing I hope they
come around to see me and we can do this
and we can do that and I can make all
these plans up in my head the difference
is like with the crash
firstly that was more for me
relationship like thinking but also the
crush didn't know I was there with a
favorite person they were in my life
they were a friend
they knew we spent a lot time together
but I would literally like it would be
so much responsibility that I'd put on
them if I was like in a crisis like I
said I wouldn't phone my best friend
because it was like like I said it's
like a test I wouldn't I just wouldn't
find them I certainly wouldn't phone my
crush when I'm in a crisis
because I knew that would really make me
look weird but I would phone my favorite
person and expect them to be there
and if they weren't be absolutely
devastated because I kind of felt like
we're best friends I know I'm saying
yesterday but they're not you know I
mean so I wouldn't say oh we're favorite
people and okay yeah I would um I would
put a huge amount of responsibility on
them I could get very jealous of them if
I thought like I lie so just say I had
arranged to go out with them and then my
favorite person and they turned up and
they said oh I for another friend hope
that's okay I might not along but in my
head I'd be thinking no that's not okay
how dare you do this this is supposed to
be your my time together and now you're
bringing someone else into it I'd be
feeling really jealous I'd be feeling
really insecure I'd begin angry at them
and I would possibly get very moody with
them and the thing is like with my best
with my best friend I I could be myself
with my crush I definitely couldn't I
was always putting on an act to try and
show my best side and I certainly
wouldn't be getting moody or anything
around
because you know I just I wouldn't
because it was like a relationship for
afar but with my favorite person it was
all about how they viewed me and I'd
feel like I was acting a lot at the time
I wouldn't be my true self it would be
put on but if they did something that
made me jealous or hurt me my my true
colors would come out and I wouldn't be
able to hide the jealousy I wouldn't be
able to hide the anger and that's often
when there'd be like whoa right we're
just friends this was so enormous why
are you being weird and that would then
I suppose be kind of a turning point
where they think like hang on
something's not right with this
friendship like this is why being this
way and they wouldn't get it they just
cuz I suppose if you don't have fifi day
and you don't like have a favorite
person you just don't know what it feels
like to be in that position I hate that
video made some sense but for me yeah
it's definitely about like my thoughts
about that person how I want them to
perceive me how I react to them how I
behave around them obviously out of all
of them the healthiest one is the best
friend and that's often the
relationships that's like the most
stable but maybe that's like for me
because I was able to in my crazy times
go away and put all that crap on someone
else other than my best friend there
might be some of you that thing know I'm
different like I see my best friend is
my favorite person or my crushes my
favorite person and I don't think
there's a right or wrong I think it's
just like it's different for all of us
but that's kind of the differences for
me and how I viewed people hmmm and now
lies I still have like my best friend
what don't see all the time but I know
she's there
but I also have healthy friendships
I don't depend on them I don't have to
be with them 24/7 I don't think about
them 24/7 I don't find them when I'm
having a crisis it's not that I don't
have crisis is now as of course this is
that's it no crises crisis is okay right
it's time for me to go and collect my
little ones from school I apologize if I
missed anything out because made out or
kicked myself and they are you should
have said that yeah but that's today's
video anyway and I will be back next
week and as always I love you loads
those of you again who have got my book
thank you so much if you can please
don't leave a review on Amazon thanks
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