Today I look at how the bpd and npd traits can either boost one another or destroy one another.

hi my lovelies big apologies I've been
away I've been really completely Wally
I've been on antibiotics nothing seems
to be helping I've just spent a lot time
in bed doing nothing basically but I
really wanted to get video done because
it's been like forever so I'm back today
I'm gonna continue on with the video
about BPD and NPD relationships like
when one partner has BPD one has NPD
I've got a lot of comments on the last
video and you know what I don't even
really remember doing that last video my
mum someone mentioned at the end that I
completely forgot what I was talking
about and I said to my mum I don't even
remember like on the day I'd done it I
don't remember what I talked about or
anything I was really not feeling
feeling well so I'm gonna continue on
and basic what I'm gonna do I'm gonna
read through some of like the NPD
symptoms and then the BPD symptoms and
how they kind of go together
I feed off one another when you're in a
relationship together make sense so
someone with narcissistic personality
disorder lacks empathy exaggerated sense
of self-importance feelings of
entitlement selfishness in relationships
envious and suspicious of others
motivations and need for excessive
praise and attention arrogant and
judgmental insist on associating with
special people preoccupied by fantasies
of great power achievements and
recognition needing approval of others
angry when not receiving special
treatment they can take offense easily
they can react with rage really to all
the person can be Moody and depressed
and deep down they're really insecure so
then we have yes I have written I know I
know the BPD traits but I was doing rid
of them down just in case I forgot on
okay so we have unstable and intense
emotions impulsive self-destructive
behaviors unstable
ships fear of abandonment chronic
feelings of emptiness self-harm and
suicidal behavior unclear or unstable
self-image feeling suspicious and after
touch with reality and explosive anger
now it's quite easy to see why someone
with BPD and NPD would get bit together
in the beginning both cluster B's
dramatic and like the life and soul of
the party I suppose now someone with NPD
has an exaggerated sense of self and
they like to be associated with the
special people and those of us with PPD
actually have really unclear or unstable
self image and we feel pretty bad about
ourselves so a lot of the time we can
put on a mask and pretend to be really
confident and outgoing and happy to
cover up our insecurities now someone
with NPD does the same but there the
difference I suppose it's on with BPD we
know we feel like rubbish we know we're
insecure and we know we're wearing a
someone with NPD doesn't they just think
they're this confident amazing person so
when they like on initially meeting each
other they're both really dramatic and
confident and that some of BPD can be
the special person that the person with
NPD wants to be around now those of us
with BPD know what we can be like when
we're first in a relationship we will
just praise the person so much we put
them on a pedestal and this really feeds
someone with NPD it just feeds their ego
basically because they want to be up on
a pedestal being admired and we with BPD
are more than happy to put them on that
pedestal and admire them so it's kind of
obvious that tickets in the beginning it
would seem like this is a wonderful
relationship but the problem I suppose
comes is those of us with BPD thinking
black and white for a start so we can
put someone on a pedestal only to knock
them down at some point and the problem
with doing this with someone with NPD is
they will really take fence and they
have their rage and they will put us
down we're already insecure we also have
a fear of abandonment so when someone
with an NPD rage is then angry at us for
seeing them in black we will really
clash they will likely become abusive
call us names and we fear abandonment I
mean initially we also have Extreme Rage
explosive anger we have that and so real
big fiery real you know angry arguments
are highly likely but then after the
argument our fear of abandonment comes
back we don't want to lose this person
we're scared we will lose them and so we
are likely to like reach crack up what
we've said and say no I'm sorry
we're far more likely to apologize even
if we don't believe we did anything
wrong we will still apologize because we
do we now want to keep that person in
our lives we don't want them to leave us
so we will apologize and another
difference is that those of us with BPD
feel empathy and we might have said some
really nasty things that we genuinely
feel bad for someone with NPD does not
feel empathy
so they would have said really nasty
things but they won't actually feel bad
for it so they might go really cold on
us we freaked out thinking they can
believe us so we start being really
really nice doing everything for them
being like please believe me and put
them back on that pedestal and sometimes
they might accept it okay I like this
because again they need they have need
for excessive praise and attention and
we're more than happy to give it to them
if it means they'll stay with us even if
the relationship isn't good for us
so that's one way it can show art I'm
looking at I haven't written notes up
only literally just written the traits
down but I had like loads of ideas when
I first started thinking about this okay
another one like the song with NPD can
be Moody and depressed if they think
they're not being praised enough and
those of us with BPD we can really like
really be people pleasers we want to fix
someone even if like our actual motive
is because we just don't want that
person to leave us what like the major
doesn't actually have to be because we
generally want to fix them it might be
because we want to have them in our
lives and we don't want them to leave us
so we will people please to the extreme
and again this boosts someone with NPD
this will really boost their ego and
make them feel important one thing that
made me think actually was those of us
with BPD we won't have suicidal
tendencies or so far we too can have the
like with the chronic feelings of
emptiness that we feel down and I think
to Sauron with NPD this can be a sign of
weakness and people with NPD don't want
to be you with someone who they see as
weak and I think this is a big reason
they might just be like no they could
pick him easily cut someone out their
lives this can just leave us absolutely
distraught because we have this fear of
abandonment we don't want people to
leave us and because like I said in the
last video
those of us with BPD we are in the
relationship to love like we want that
love we want a nice relationship whereas
some with NPD they're not in it for the
same reason that we are and that can
cause real problems and yeah I think
that's one of the reasons they can be so
easily walk away now I know I've said
like those of us with BPD can also walk
away from relationships and that is true
I think will one first of all a lot of
people with BPD might also have some NPD
traits most human beings
at some point have some NPD trades it
does not mean they're narcissistic but
they have some of the trades so that
could be one reason another is I think
we're quite good just trying to switch
off our emotions especially because we
know our emotions cause us so much pain
so sometimes it's easier just to cut off
and kind of be numb to them to help us
cope in light times that usually might
completely destroy us because we can't
handle our emotions
another BPD trait is the feeling
suspicious our doctors reality I think
with this like my feelings of suspicious
suspicions anyway when I was in
relationship I would get very jealous I
would constantly be thinking that person
is cheating on me
I could become quite stalkerish and
obsessive and possessive and again I
think this just feeds someone with NPD
because one they liked to keep us on our
toes and so we don't quite know where we
are so we're constantly boosting their
ego and but also the neediness and that
it makes them feel like powerful in
control um let me see what else I have
we're just trying to remember stuff from
by looking at the traits did I say about
the insecurities like we both have these
insecurities but someone with NPD just
doesn't realize it they generally think
they are this an amazing person they
they aren't aware that actually this all
comes because deep down they're really
insecure whereas those of us with BPD
know we're really insecure and we've got
a mask to try and cover it but we're
quite aware of how horrible we feel
inside basically and I think like
certainly for me as well
the way someone with NPD they can come
across is really strong and confident
and for me I used to see that as someone
that could take care of me
someone that would keep me safe I mean I
couldn't be more wrong but that's that's
initially what I thought
I think I've done it again I think I've
just forgotten my I've got him where I'm
coming from
okay I'm gonna put my notes down that I
have actually talked for quite a long
time about this thing I suppose I
I apologize oh my god I just feel so
rough oh I've got some makeup on and I
suppose I'll be back on Friday riding
all night in bed um okay yeah I kind of
just lightly before I go I now know
looking back I can see just how many
people with NPD I was with I think we're
stealing a lot actually like what NPD
traits do I have because okay so the
need for praise and attention is is that
necessarily just NPD because those of us
for BPD we feel so rubbish that don't we
need that praise and that tension to try
and make us feel good what does that
mean we're actually just ticking a trait
of another personality disorder I mean I
did get you I have empathy I don't have
mix utter aids since it self-importance
I definitely don't feel entitled
selfishness in relationships yes I can
be selfish in relationships I want
things to go my way all the time by
which isn't great especially if the
other person is the same and you both
think it's my way of the highway then no
one goes anyway envious and suspicious
of others motivations again
and that's a BPD thing as well I think I
don't think I'm arrogant I used to be
and I used to be judgmental but I really
do not I'm not judgmental now I don't
insist on associating with special
people because at the moment I'm just
spending all my time at home and my
special people and my cats mmm
preoccupied with fantasies of great
power achievements and recognition okay
so this one I am NOT preoccupied but of
course I can get like into my head like
oh my god I really hope my book thing
takes off and it's a best-seller it's
amazing and then I'll make some money
and I can have a nice holiday but I have
to stop myself and remind myself that
actually this isn't why I wrote the book
I wrote the book so it actually helped
people so to try and help distinct
mattias the disorder as well and help
other people without the disorder
understand those of us with it but of
course sometimes our ego can just pop up
like oh yeah
feed me but but I do check myself and I
remind myself that that's not where I
write the book basically and I don't
think someone with NPD would be able to
do that react with rage but little I
don't little people but I don't argue
I just don't argue I think I've argued
so much in my lifetime I'm done I'm just
done with it I don't have another
argument in me another thing I was
talking about with some of the mums at
the school like when I used to get angry
I'd cry and so people think oh she's
really upset I feel it raging but stop
really crying in
Cure even now what can be insecure of
course I can
I hate the aging process I think it
sucks it's really just not good like
okay so I used to be able to stand on
one leg and put the sock on the other
foot and now I hop around like an idiot
struggling and ah ah this is the aging
process this sucks
my body is not able to do what it used
to do but then maybe it's because I'm a
bit poorly and I need to get my butt to
a gym okay I'm gonna leave that there
because now I'm just rambling I really
do love you guys and I really hope I
will be back on Friday to do a video for
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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