hi guys happy Monday today I am doing a
video request and this request is kind
carrying on from my last video that I
did on obsession and this is teapot TV
look mrs. teapot TV asked me to discuss
healthy crushes versus unhealthy
obsessions because sometimes when we're
kind of in it we start to question is
this healthy or is this norm or
sometimes we don't question it we just
assume it's normal when actually it
might be verging on obsessive now
crushes my crush on someone is normal
especially like when you're a teenager I
remember having a boy band posters on my
walls not going kiss them is that not
normal and I thought that was normal but
yet having a crush is normal and
basically what is a crush it's when you
get that little butterfly in your tummy
and you like someone you like and like I
said it's perfectly normal
crushes tend to be more temporary they
don't last for years and years and years
and years they kind of come and go and
like I said you can get those tools in
your tummy and get excited when you see
someone and you cannot was thinking
about it cuz in my last video I was
saying when we're obsessing and we turn
off at places that they're um the person
we're obsessing with when we have a
crush we can kind of do that sometimes
say for example just say there's a gal
or guy that goes to your gym and you
know that they go every Thursday night
so you go Thursday night is that
stalking no lots of you would do that we
just turn up because we want to see them
but then we go away and we're not
thinking about them 24/7
now this is like kind of there's a
couple of big differences within
obsession we actually can was not
thinking about that person to the point
that it interferes with our family life
our work life and because all we're
doing it going over and over our
relationship with that person in our
head now there might not be a
relationship obviously if we have a
crush on someone there's not yet
relationship but with a crush is much
more based on reality so we're kind of
realistic we like them we know they
don't know who we are but we still like
them kind from afar with an obsession we
kind of go from reality to fantasy where
we start picturing our life with this
person and building up this wonderful
relationship in our head and the other
person has no idea again we might turn
up okay so I said if we have a crush on
someone
and we know they go to the gym on
Thursday night we might turn up there
but if we have an important an important
appointment somewhere else we go to the
appointment we'll have to see our crush
next Thursday if we have an obsession we
just forget the appointment and we go
and turn up and turn up in all these
places trying to catch a glimpse and if
some healthy because it gets in the way
of our living a normal life because
we're kind of living in this fantasy
where myself and this person have a
wonderful life and a future together
when this is all completely made-up
obviously when you have a crush even
think we can be together and it's kind
of a more that's like so innocent in
it's not something like we might think
about it but we don't convince ourselves
this is going to happen with an
obsession we kind to do and we think we
can make that person love us and they
will be with us and sometimes we can
even turn against the person if they're
not giving us back what we expect to get
back from them so if we expect them to
give us the love that we have the bet
and they didn't do it we can get a bit
nasty about it sometimes and I think
this is when we've bordering on the kind
of stalkery obsession and as opposed to
a healthy crush now with relationships
just say we took two people with no
mental health issues but one person
would get very jealous and at the time
didn't want their partner going anywhere
without them question them if they went
out paranoid that would kind of class be
classed as an obsession they're
absolutely obsessed with their partner
but I know that this is something that
we borderlines do - does it mean we are
obsessed no I think the difference here
is that actually it's not an obsession
our behaviors stem from the fear of
abandonment so that's why we behave that
way so we can behave in an obsessive way
but I wouldn't class it as an obsession
I would say it is due to the fear of
abandonment and our insecurities and and
our intense feelings as well because
this is the thing a little crush is a
little crush obsession is like I love
him and we get like that because our
feelings are more intense I wouldn't so
I suppose if we could then ask is every
borderline obsessed an obsessive and I
don't think we are I think we can
that way like I discussed in the other
video but I think it just because it
stems from so many other issues but
maybe we are maybe it does make us
pretty obsessed because we do behave in
that way in relationships kind of
wanting to get our partner put them in
our pocket okay so no one else can go
near them and I knew where they are all
the time with friendships as well
someone that might be obsessed with a
friend might start dressing like them
and talking like them and saying they
like the same things as them but we can
do that too so does that make us
obsessed I think ours comes from our
kind lack of sense of self a lack of
identity we don't know who we are we
don't know what we like and so we kind
of camouflage because we want to fit in
so we change ourselves to be like this
person and I think it's more because
we're kind of confused about who we are
as opposed to we are just obsessed this
person if you are kind of questioning
your relationships around you and
thinking am i obsessed the main thing I
would say to you is is it affecting your
life badly like is it detrimental to
your life is that having a bad effect if
it is getting in the way of your work
you literally cannot stop thinking about
this person they are the last person you
think about when you go to sleep and
then you just lie there awake thinking
about them and they are the first thing
you think about when you wake up and you
don't mind other consequences like tech
not turning up to meetings not being
where you should be because this person
up here is getting in the way maybe it's
an obsession if
you I forgot what I was going and we
don't do that with a healthy crush it
won't guessing away of everyday life
you'll just feel quite nice an obsession
actually might feel nice to begin with
but it can become quite painful because
it's like we constantly have intrusive
thoughts we like I said we can't do
anything and we're constantly focused on
this person and as opposed to
butterflies in the stomach we kind of
just have this sinking feeling in the
summer I just want to be with them and
if it's kind of affecting you like this
then it's time probably to do something
about it and the first thing would be to
going to cut that person out your life
so you're not obsessing I know that's
hard and if you can't do it seek help
and because you can kind of talk through
these things with the therapist
British Gas are here to have my boiler
serviced some believe that I will be
back on Friday my lovelies I'm sorry
that's quite a short video but yeah ever
so quickly like I said just have a think
about how you're feeling how you're
thinking and also your behaviors around
it because if you find you have to be
around that person from the time that's
not so healthy and with a crush we kind
of don't think that and that's also like
I said are you living in a fantasy world
or is it kind of bit more down-to-earth
it's a bit more realistic so I believe
that if you