If a partner has a best friend if the opposite sex (or same sex if they are homosexual) – can they be trusted? Is it ok? Or will it send us crazy?

Transcript:
hi guys happy Monday please excuse the
state of me I'm I don't feel very well
I am I'm full of cold at the moment I'm
whole body's baking and I wasn't gonna
do this video by Fame my mom and she was
like do I need to be worried about you
are you sure you're not well are you
sure it's not just your mood dipping I
was like no my moods good I'm just
really not feeling very well
you saw I'm really worried about you now
darling I'm so worried about you now she
results she she was in the shop and she
was talking someone she did something in
Oh golly Oh golly who said that but
anyway I just thought it's not worth the
headache my mom phoning me 20 times a
day saying are you okay
is it your mood should have concerned
when just aching I'm literally aching
all over so yes I'm gonna do a video but
like I said excuse the state right I'm
with the video sorry and come then I got
message right a private message on
Instagram from a young lady and she had
a problem what that she wanted me to
talk about she has a boyfriend and her
boyfriend has a best friend years ago
and he swears nothing's ever happened
between them they're just friends
they've been friends for a long time but
this girl has BPD and she's finding is
exacerbating all her traits making them
so much worse and I can completely
understand this because we are people
that like very core of BPD we have this
it may be
or abandonment we think we're gonna be
abandoned so if you bring someone else
right into the equation it kind of feels
like there's a threat there constantly
that we need to be worried about we also
have a low self-esteem and so we can
kind of think or what she got that I
don't have why can't I be your best
friend now I know we might be the
partner but we will still say why can't
I why am I not your best friend why do
you gotta have another friend I have
been through this when I was 20 I ran
out this guy and he was not old I think
he was 40-something and yeah I was 20
and he had a best friend he was a girl
who was in her 40s as well but for me it
was very difficult because she was not
nice to me she treated me like I was
just this little child that knew
absolutely nothing now granted it was a
little child who didn't really know what
she didn't have to make me feel like
that she would like and that card say oh
I've just been doing some teeny should
go oh you don't even know what cleaning
is you should see my house man and she
would outright make lies up about me and
say it to him and then he would pull me
up on it and he would take her out for
lunch and they would go and do things
together and I didn't like it I think I
would have been fine if um she was nice
to me but I mean they always made me
feel like the spare part even though she
should have been really I think but I
was sick of like this bad but now when I
broke up with this guy they actually got
together
luckily for me I was like oh we were I
wasn't with him that long and so it
wasn't like this big heartache and I was
gutted they were together it didn't
bother me and but eventually he went on
sheeted on her
they lost their like 20-plus year
friendship anyway so but I've been there
and it can feel like a threat I would
say if you're in this situation what is
absolute key is communication between
you and your partner and to be able to
say how you feel not shouting at them
like you've got some things going on
between you because you probably won't
get great reaction back but if you're
with a loving partner who loves you and
cares about you and they know you have
BPD they should be able to just listen
to you and hear any concerns that you
have and the way you feel and hopefully
they will be able to talk to you calmly
not like oh you're being an idiot
because then that's just like dismissing
our feelings and completely invalidating
us but if they can just sit down say
look this is a good friend
honestly nothing's happened doctor then
we have to have some trust and it
doesn't happen straight away it's not
like oh you said nothing happened oh I
trust you now
because that doesn't happen but
relationships nothing if there's no
trust so we have to kind of put some
trust into it and it's building man and
it's also if does your partner like
really keeps you separated from their
best friend because if they do them
we're gonna have reason and that why
can't we hang out together like why
can't we yeah get to know each other I
think it becomes very problematic if
that we are separated like well I very
much was then with my ex-husband
I kind I dealt with a lot of the
jealousy
for me it just got to a point that
jealousy is to eat me up so much that
one day I was just like I'm not doing
this anymore because I'm fed up for
hiding in bushes and stalking people are
you check-in through people's phones and
following them and just being a stalker
basically I've had enough it does not
feel good it does not I'm constantly on
edge I am NOT going to be like this
anymore I'm gonna stop being jealous and
just be like yeah I'm cool with it
and you know what I did that's what I
did and I was quit oh okay um my
ex-husband I remember early on he took a
female friend out for lunch I found in
his eye on that lunch dasu no biggie I
was okay with it um and then obviously
he'd hang out with my friends and I was
no biggie I still okay with her but
unfortunately I had much was broken
there but I do see like my part like
this is going off subject now but I
definitely kind of had a part to play in
the fact that I was using drugs and he
didn't like that but I was I was an
addict I couldn't just stop but anyway
that's gone completely off subject so
yeah I would say communication you need
to be able to communicate with your
partner and have them listen to you if
they're not willing to listen to you and
they just keep saying oh you're mental
or have some medication oh then you know
what they're not respecting you they
kind of should understand if you have
BPD they should understand look these
feelings are normal where we are likely
to feel jealous and but talk to us about
it and sometimes we might need to talk
about it every day for a bit because we
don't like just hear their answer once
and think oh okay you're just friends I
believe you
we kinda need to have it instilled and
ask them constantly and the way they can
do that like I said is let us meet the
person and not keep us separate and not
like because I just say your partner
their best fan have like a private joke
that we're not irin then that's not
gonna make us feel good that and that's
that's not respectful either to do that
and I would say that is not okay because
if you're in a relationship there
shouldn't be little private jokes
between them and someone else especially
not in front of you and but I suppose
can a girl and a boy or two guys
obviously if they're gay or two girls be
just friends and can they just be
friends is that possible when there
could possibly be an attraction there
um I know for sure that I've had guys
that are just friends and I've not ever
thought about them in any other way then
as just a friend so I do believe yeah it
is possible and then the awkwardness I
suppose comes doesn't it like you might
be able to be fun if it doesn't mean
someone else can mm-hmm what do you
think guys leave messages leave messages
for me let me know can guys and gals be
friends can they I think so so yeah I'm
gonna leave that there
mom I hope you're okay I'm fine you
don't have to drive all the way to see
me I'm fine
stop using the word golly I'll be back
on Wednesday guys I love you all those
MA
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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