If a partner has a best friend if the opposite sex (or same sex if they are homosexual) – can they be trusted? Is it ok? Or will it send us crazy?
hi guys happy Monday please excuse the state of me I'm I don't feel very well I am I'm full of cold at the moment I'm whole body's baking and I wasn't gonna do this video by Fame my mom and she was like do I need to be worried about you are you sure you're not well are you sure it's not just your mood dipping I was like no my moods good I'm just really not feeling very well you saw I'm really worried about you now darling I'm so worried about you now she results she she was in the shop and she was talking someone she did something in Oh golly Oh golly who said that but anyway I just thought it's not worth the headache my mom phoning me 20 times a day saying are you okay is it your mood should have concerned when just aching I'm literally aching all over so yes I'm gonna do a video but like I said excuse the state right I'm with the video sorry and come then I got message right a private message on Instagram from a young lady and she had a problem what that she wanted me to talk about she has a boyfriend and her boyfriend has a best friend years ago and he swears nothing's ever happened between them they're just friends they've been friends for a long time but this girl has BPD and she's finding is exacerbating all her traits making them so much worse and I can completely understand this because we are people that like very core of BPD we have this it may be or abandonment we think we're gonna be abandoned so if you bring someone else right into the equation it kind of feels like there's a threat there constantly that we need to be worried about we also have a low self-esteem and so we can kind of think or what she got that I don't have why can't I be your best friend now I know we might be the partner but we will still say why can't I why am I not your best friend why do you gotta have another friend I have been through this when I was 20 I ran out this guy and he was not old I think he was 40-something and yeah I was 20 and he had a best friend he was a girl who was in her 40s as well but for me it was very difficult because she was not nice to me she treated me like I was just this little child that knew absolutely nothing now granted it was a little child who didn't really know what she didn't have to make me feel like that she would like and that card say oh I've just been doing some teeny should go oh you don't even know what cleaning is you should see my house man and she would outright make lies up about me and say it to him and then he would pull me up on it and he would take her out for lunch and they would go and do things together and I didn't like it I think I would have been fine if um she was nice to me but I mean they always made me feel like the spare part even though she should have been really I think but I was sick of like this bad but now when I broke up with this guy they actually got together luckily for me I was like oh we were I wasn't with him that long and so it wasn't like this big heartache and I was gutted they were together it didn't bother me and but eventually he went on sheeted on her they lost their like 20-plus year friendship anyway so but I've been there and it can feel like a threat I would say if you're in this situation what is absolute key is communication between you and your partner and to be able to say how you feel not shouting at them like you've got some things going on between you because you probably won't get great reaction back but if you're with a loving partner who loves you and cares about you and they know you have BPD they should be able to just listen to you and hear any concerns that you have and the way you feel and hopefully they will be able to talk to you calmly not like oh you're being an idiot because then that's just like dismissing our feelings and completely invalidating us but if they can just sit down say look this is a good friend honestly nothing's happened doctor then we have to have some trust and it doesn't happen straight away it's not like oh you said nothing happened oh I trust you now because that doesn't happen but relationships nothing if there's no trust so we have to kind of put some trust into it and it's building man and it's also if does your partner like really keeps you separated from their best friend because if they do them we're gonna have reason and that why can't we hang out together like why can't we yeah get to know each other I think it becomes very problematic if that we are separated like well I very much was then with my ex-husband I kind I dealt with a lot of the jealousy for me it just got to a point that jealousy is to eat me up so much that one day I was just like I'm not doing this anymore because I'm fed up for hiding in bushes and stalking people are you check-in through people's phones and following them and just being a stalker basically I've had enough it does not feel good it does not I'm constantly on edge I am NOT going to be like this anymore I'm gonna stop being jealous and just be like yeah I'm cool with it and you know what I did that's what I did and I was quit oh okay um my ex-husband I remember early on he took a female friend out for lunch I found in his eye on that lunch dasu no biggie I was okay with it um and then obviously he'd hang out with my friends and I was no biggie I still okay with her but unfortunately I had much was broken there but I do see like my part like this is going off subject now but I definitely kind of had a part to play in the fact that I was using drugs and he didn't like that but I was I was an addict I couldn't just stop but anyway that's gone completely off subject so yeah I would say communication you need to be able to communicate with your partner and have them listen to you if they're not willing to listen to you and they just keep saying oh you're mental or have some medication oh then you know what they're not respecting you they kind of should understand if you have BPD they should understand look these feelings are normal where we are likely to feel jealous and but talk to us about it and sometimes we might need to talk about it every day for a bit because we don't like just hear their answer once and think oh okay you're just friends I believe you we kinda need to have it instilled and ask them constantly and the way they can do that like I said is let us meet the person and not keep us separate and not like because I just say your partner their best fan have like a private joke that we're not irin then that's not gonna make us feel good that and that's that's not respectful either to do that and I would say that is not okay because if you're in a relationship there shouldn't be little private jokes between them and someone else especially not in front of you and but I suppose can a girl and a boy or two guys obviously if they're gay or two girls be just friends and can they just be friends is that possible when there could possibly be an attraction there um I know for sure that I've had guys that are just friends and I've not ever thought about them in any other way then as just a friend so I do believe yeah it is possible and then the awkwardness I suppose comes doesn't it like you might be able to be fun if it doesn't mean someone else can mm-hmm what do you think guys leave messages leave messages for me let me know can guys and gals be friends can they I think so so yeah I'm gonna leave that there mom I hope you're okay I'm fine you don't have to drive all the way to see me I'm fine stop using the word golly I'll be back on Wednesday guys I love you all those MA
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.