hi my lovelies welcome back
to my channel and welcome back to the
sex series
in today's episode i am going to discuss
with you
hyper sexual behavior disorder
also known as sex addiction like i said
in last week's video
i'm not a sex therapist i'm not a
psychologist i'm not a psychiatrist
i have lived experience when it comes to
mental health and
with addiction not sex addiction believe
it or not
um before i jump into this video
i do want to let me just straighten my
camera there
um i do want to differentiate
between sex addiction and a really high
sex drive
i'm saying this because i don't want any
of you out there with a really high sex
drive
uh start wondering am i a sex addict
the big difference is if you have a
really really high sex touch
and you have sex afterwards you're
likely to feel
really joyful and like you get pleasure
from it and you feel
good if you struggle with sex addiction
chances are if you act upon your urges
and you have sex afterwards you will
probably left
be left feeling guilt shame
self-loathing and
really really negative feelings
so i did want to say that because i
don't want those of you out there
wondering am i a sex addict because you
might just have a really high sex drive
and that's completely cool so
sex addict how do you know what are the
symptoms
uh obviously having sex all the time
wanting to have
sex all the time when you're not having
sex you will be thinking about having
sex
um you'll be having sex thoughts
constantly
sexual urges chances are you will act
on these thoughts and these urges
and it's not
it gets to the point that
it's you you're not even doing it for
the joy and the pleasure
you just feel compelled to do it
you have to do it um you might find
you have to watch pornography all the
time
and masturbate all the time uh you might
have
a partner but have lots of multiple
sexual partners as well um
one of the ways i can explain it
actually is like going back to when
i was a drug addict
when i was a drug addict my relationship
was falling apart
my health was suffering um
my finances were so bad
uh i got to the point that i didn't
really want to use i
wanted to stop but i couldn't
i couldn't stop even though i knew there
were so many negative consequences
and i think it's the same with someone
who is a sex addict
they might not even want to have sex
they might know but
they feel compelled so they are unable
to refrain
from doing so they might
want to stop but they can't and if
you've got to that point
where you know it's affecting lots of
different areas of your life
but you're still doing it
chances are you have a problem
another thing i can like bring it back
to the drug addiction
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was when i first used say i used a
certain amount
and over time i need more and more
to get that same high with someone
who's a sex addict chances are
in time they need
to intensify their behavior
to get the same pleasure that they once
got
so in the beginning it might have just
been
masturbating all day and then they might
have gotten a relationship and it was
having sex
constantly but then they needed more
so maybe they'd start having like extra
marital affairs or cheating on their
partner
and having multiple sexual partners from
there
it might lead on to more risky sex or
sex with prostitutes um
because they need that something extra
that bit extra
just to get that pleasure it can be the
same with the porn they watch
to start off with they might just watch
man and woman having sex
but soon that gets a bit boring they
need that bit more so maybe it's women
and women having sex
oh but then they need a bit more the
problem
with this is it can escalate to a point
one it puts them at risk
chances are if you struggle with sex
like addiction
you maybe you've caught an std uh
because you're likely to be having
risky sex basically um
but not only can it lead on to
exhibitionism voyeurism sex with
prostitutes
worst case scenario sex addiction
can lead on to child molestation
it can lead on to rape
um i never knew this i actually
found this out online 55
of or convicted sex offenders
are sex addicts now i'm not saying all
sex addicts are sex offenders but 55
it gets worse 71
of child molesters are
sex addicts again i'm not saying
every sex addict is a child molester
but 71 of child molesters
are sex addicts and this shows us
that again i can take it back to
like the drugs when someone first starts
using drugs
they might not think it is eventually
going to get to them to a point
that they're living a life of crime they
might be
selling their body they don't plan this
they don't think
you don't realize how it's going to
escalate and sex addiction is exactly
the same but i mean they are pretty
um big extremes
and so if you are struggling
with sex addiction and you can see you
are escalating slowly
get help get help there is help out
there
and um it's like any other addiction
uh you you haven't you don't choose to
have it
but there is something you can do about
it uh
like i said i'm gonna talk about the
help after
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the um when it comes to i suppose
recovery
uh from sex addiction
if you're a drug addict um or an
alcoholic
you can kind of live your life
with no drugs you can go abstinent from
drugs
you don't need drugs in your life you
can be clean from them
you do not need alcohol in your life you
can be
abstinent from alcohol
as human beings we do have some basic
needs eating
is one of them and that's why eating
disorders actually
are so difficult to overcome now i can
tell you
as someone that's suffered with bulimia
drug addiction um my borderline
personality disorder
the eating disorder was the hardest
thing for me to overcome because food is
around me
all the time you know it's part of life
it is a basic need that we need
and sex is a human need
we need sex uh and so
because obviously there are monks and
there are people that do
go completely abstinent and they are
celibate and they don't have sex
but for most of the population it is a
need
and so that's why it is it
is difficult but recovery is possible
now like i said we don't choose to have
an addiction whether it's drug addiction
or
gambling or sex addiction but
with the feelings that come with it the
guilt shame it's no
wonder really that a lot of people that
are sex addicts will also maybe struggle
with anxiety
uh depression is a big one
um as as the next drug addict when i was
using
i hated myself i constantly feeling
guilt and shame and remorse and
just it kind of got me so
low in myself uh
but the problem is because i felt low
i'd use to try and numb that and i think
the same is
with someone who's a sex addict they
feel
so low so they do the one thing that
they can fix on
and they think it makes them feel better
but like me with the drugs i thought it
made me feel better but actually
eventually it made it so much worse
uh the dsm the
diagnostic statistical manual
in the fourth dsm they did have
um hypersexual behavior like kind of
disorder they had a sexual disorder
um in there but actually in the fifth
they took it out
uh that's been kind of quite
um i don't know like
a lot of people argue they think it
should be in there as something that can
be diagnosed
but others argue that it should not uh
because you can obviously have
sex addiction on its own but you can
also
have sex addiction as
a symptom of
another mental health issue now
90 percent of sex addicts
uh had right displayed symptoms
of a personality disorder now the main
ones the three main ones
uh borderline personality disorder and
that would
kind of fall into the trait impulsive
self-destructive
behavior or um yeah impulsive reckless
behavior
uh for me that's where my addiction
fit in that was my symptom um
i i used drugs like as a symptom of the
bpd once i learned to
manage the bpd i no longer
needed to use drugs um
another one was bipolar now we know with
bipolar it's
episodes the manic episodes and the lows
and it's in that kind of manic stage
that someone may have a real increased
need to have sex sexual gratification
um the same
with someone with vpd not only
um like impulsive
it's the same with the bipolar it's
impulsive
their inhibitions are lowered and
they're more likely to then engage in
those risky behaviors
one that i didn't know was dependent
personality disorder which is also
known as love addiction i think i'm sure
i read it was love addiction
um someone with dependent personality
disorder
may um
like they want someone to look after
them and take care of them
and what's been seen in people with dpd
is that they may
put sex forward like use sex to bring
someone in like
i'll give you sex you look after me and
it's almost like a kind of trade
and then that's how the relationship
goes one will look after the person the
dpd the person with dpd constantly
giving sex
constantly giving sex because they want
that looking after
another one which now sex
sex addiction isn't mentioned in any of
the symptoms or traits or anything
but adhd attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder um
now we know people with adhd can be
really restless and that
and what they found with some people
again not everyone and the same not
everyone with bipolar not everyone with
bpd not everyone with dpd
but with some they found that
someone with adhd may use sex because
the thing is they would have sex
and sex would cause a release of
endorphins in the brain and it would
bring on a real
calming relaxed effect
which if someone's really kind of hyper
and feeling restless and then all of a
sudden you have something that makes you
feel
calm again it's kind of like that
self-medicating
doing something to like try and control
but
it's controlling another disorder the
sex addiction
is not kind of separate from it i
wouldn't say it's a dual diagnosis
i would say the sex addiction then
becomes part of
it's one of the symptoms of that
disorder
so depending i suppose
whether you just struggle with sex
addiction and then
the sex addiction causes things like
depression anxiety
if that's the case you need to focus on
the sex addiction
uh there is sex therapy like i would
always say go to your doctor
be honest open up with your doctor see
what help is available
uh chances are you will be able to be
pushed in the right direction you will
get help
um 12-step fellowships i'm sure they do
like sex addicts anonymous
go along and do that it works with
alcoholism
it works with drugs it works with
gambling
it works with sex addiction um
if you
have bipolar bpd dpd
um you have another mental health
disorder and you kind of think
that you also have sex addiction but
chances are it's part of
again speak to your mental health team
if it's um like for example if
if you have bipolar and when you're
having that
manic episode you engage in risky sex
etc speak to your doctor chances are
they might try and change your
medication
um but with all of them chances are
they're going to focus
on that mental health disorder the
personality disorder bipolar the adhd
but do open up and be honest
with your mental health team they're not
going to judge you
on it um
but if you want help for it you have to
kind of open up
uh it's the first step isn't it say i've
got i've got a problem here
um because if you don't um
i'm not obviously saying you're gonna
end up where
i said like the worst case scenario but
either way
it's an addiction it can
destroy your self-esteem how you feel
about yourself
chances are you'll be anxious and
depressed
it will ruin your relationships
finances could affect your work
um and it's not worth it sex should be a
healthy
thing that you have sex and you just
feel
good and happy and relieved not
i i wish i hadn't done that i feel
guilty and i feel ashamed
and if yeah so i think i'm going to
leave that
there today guys but i will be back next
thursday i will also be back on monday
or tuesday with a video
on recovering mom um but the sex
the next sex episode will be next
thursday
i love you all loads and i look forward
to seeing what you have to say in the
comments