We can often believe everyone is out to get us or judging us and this can cause us anxiety.
Therapy can be physically and mentally draining but it is so neccessary for our recovery.

hi my lovelies happy Friday again I have
just done a video on bereavement which I
will put out today but I'm also aware
that it's not going to be relevant to
everyone right here right now so I
thought I'd do another video and I'm
going to do - to friends requests to a
video requests in it and the first one
I'm going to do is a video request from
Caitlyn I kidding and she asked me about
anxiety over how people see us and then
secondly I'm going to do a video request
from Sylvia hi Sylvia and Sophia asked
me to talk about the physical and mental
effects of therapy so they're the two
subjects I'm going to be talking about
today right - let's start with kingpins
anxiety of how people see us I used to
be so anxious over how the world viewed
me and in my head people really viewed
me negatively and it wasn't because I
used to have completely crazy episodes
and behave like maniac and then worried
well that was part of it the next day of
feeling really embarrassed in that but
it wasn't just that we are people we are
people we're people with borderline
personality disorder and our core trait
like I always say fear of abandonment we
think people are going to leave us and
we also have low self-esteem bad
self-image and unclear or unstable
self-image and all this contributes
towards our anxiety around how people
see us now we are the salt people that
think everyone's out to get us and
everyone is judging us we very rarely
think oh yeah everyone I'm gonna go to
this party and everyone's gonna like me
that's just not in our thought process
we think oh my god I've gotta go to the
party people are going to ignore
people are gonna laugh at me people will
be talking about me behind my back and
we have these really intrusive thoughts
about it and because of this because of
our intrusive thoughts it brings up
feelings of anxiety and anxiety is
horrid because it doesn't just affect us
up here but it affects us all over and
we can get that not in our stomach we
can feel sick we can be breathing fast
our hands can be shaking in it it's so
so hard it can actually get to the point
where we can have a full-on panic attack
if we do to go somewhere and because
we're so scared of how people are gonna
look at us and what they're gonna think
of us and we spend so much time worrying
about that that the anxiety just grows
and grows and we're feeding it with our
thoughts and what we need to do is to
stop feeding it with our thoughts but
that is easier said than done
unfortunately I know I've discussed it
before but we have the wonderful social
media and whilst social media is great
in so many ways it also has a real dog
side people posting pictures okay for
example I don't usually post food
pictures on my Instagram but I had a
nice lunch the other day had spinach
leaves with avocado cherry tomatoes red
peppers and top boiled egg on top I
thought that looks lovely and so healthy
I'm gonna take photo took photos scented
red scrap a few hours later I had my
dinner and I was laughing - my partner
saying I'm not going to send a photo of
this because I had a box of walk to go I
know I was coughing up noodles I'm not
gonna post that picture and that is the
thing we post positive happy things but
it's not that's not the full picture but
often when we're looking through someone
else's feed and we're seeing like them
on holiday or the beach and smiling with
you oh my god their life
it's amazing I want that life and it
makes us feel really inadequate when
actually that that might not that's just
a tiny tiny part of their life that they
have chosen to put on there and they're
not gonna put on the rubbish I'm not
going to sit and take vote on me in the
evening sack with my milky bar eating my
chocolate benefit from a salad that can
go on you know so we've got to realize
it's actually not realistic but we start
feeling but we have to show this best
side of us and we can get really caught
up in it thinking how many people have
liked my picture how many people have
commented on my post or whatever and
this really does heighten our anxiety
and makes it so much worse and I would
suggest to you
maybe having a little detox from social
media for a bit I go on my facebook once
a month if that I very rarely go on
there I check my Instagram daily but I
don't put pictures up daily and the
reason I do I get a lot messages on
there so I'm replying to people but I
don't actually really do social media
even my Twitter account is done by my
friend Joe I don't I stay away because I
know it can bring me to that dark place
and so for example we might put a
picture up and we might get one like and
then we think everyone thinks I'm ugly
everyone thinks this they think my
life's boring and it feeds our anxiety
and makes us worse so that is just one
area that I would say have a look at how
much you've looking at your social media
or in trying to be something that we're
not and not showing the true side of it
I mean hello are you guilty of that
myself like I have just told you with my
salad and then having my walk to go home
every evening we
so I'm not a saint but I do definitely I
do really cut down I don't really go I
don't allow myself to get drawn into
that whole social media thing social
anxiety is really difficult we can often
set such high have such high
expectations of how something is going
to go and if it doesn't go the way we
kind of expect it to we bring it to self
and we really think it didn't go that
way because we're so rubbish and we're
so horrible and everything about it is
when actually that's just not the case
and one part of dealing with it is
realizing actually we are powerless
against other people we can't make other
people like us we have force other
people to do what we want them to do and
it's kind of letting go thinking we can
control or wanting to control people and
just realizing actually we have no power
over other people people can choose to
like us they can choose not to like us
that's that's up to them but don't bring
it back to ourselves and think well if
they don't like me I don't like me
because just because someone doesn't
like you doesn't mean you're not a
fantastic fabulous SuperDuper amazing
person and you've really got to realize
that and it's about working on our
self-esteem and focusing on our
positives rather than constantly picking
faults in ourselves because I was like
worst personality I hated everything
about myself and now I'm at a place I am
certainly not oh I love this about me I
love that I'm not like that at all
but I'm accepting I am Who I am I try to
be nice to other people I try to be a
good parent I you know I just I try to
be the best version of myself and rather
than trying to adapt myself so other
people like me because even if you are
the most SuperDuper wonderful
just amazing person in the world there
are gonna be people that pick faults in
you and actually that says more about
them than it does about you and it's
important to know that and don't let
other people's judgments control like
dictate how your life is going to be
because you will just be miserable
you've got to find acceptance accept and
like I said acceptance of that we are
powerless over other people and build
your self-esteem and it doesn't happen
overnight it takes time but every time
you have those negative thoughts about
yourself let it go if you feel you're
getting anxious and the breathing and
all that's affecting you my advice would
be to breathe slowly slowly clear your
mind because by breathing slowly it
slows down our heart rate when a heart
rate slows down our shaking will slow
down and so physically we will come when
our body stopped physically calming our
mind stops harming as well and and it's
kind of practicing these techniques
going into events with no judgments no
it not having expectations and pushing
yourself to do it because if you're so
anxious of going somewhere because of
what people are going to think of you
and so you don't know the next time
you're expected to go it's gonna be
harder and then you won't go and then
the next time you won't go and before
you know it you're isolating you have
absolutely no life and you're just
living in this fear of what other people
think you wouldn't trust me the theaters
that we have that people think of us we
don't know what other people are
thinking chances are they haven't even
noticed us but in our head it's such a
big thing but is realizing actually for
all we know they've got the same
anxieties as us I think it's kind of in
human nature that we want to be like
based excepting not everyone will like
us and it's not that's not a problem we
cannot let that destroy our life and our
self-esteem when actually we can't read
other people's minds we can't do their
thinking for them so I will finish that
part of the video yeah I hope that
helped and my second is Silvia it's look
they are and she talks about wanting me
to talk about the physical and mental
effects of therapy and if it's
supplemental effects of therapy on huge
because what you've got realize when we
are in therapy we will be bringing up
certain emotions we will be discussing
things that maybe we have suppressed for
a long long time and we've blocked it to
the back of our mind we don't think
about it and all of a sudden we start
therapy and these old memories stop
coming up and we're then having to deal
with the emotions not only are we having
to deal with the emotions we're kind of
expected to deal with it in a more
helpful way which isn't always the case
we don't just start therapy and put down
all our coat unhealthy coping mechanisms
pick up all the new ones it doesn't work
like that
it takes time so we will find that we
will like for me because so much
information was brought up I found to
start with I started drinking more I
started self-harming more I started
using drugs more because the feelings
were all being brought up that I'd kind
of pushed us down and they were numb not
kind of forgotten about them they've
gone it slipped into my unconscious and
all of a sudden I start therapy and here
they are and I'm having to deal with it
and it's emotionally draining it's
physically draining I used to just be so
tired I'd think I can't be bothered I
don't want to do this
because here's the thing no one said
recovery is easy recovery is hard work
but once we have it life becomes easier
it doesn't mean bad things don't happen
because life still shows up but we're
better able to manage and cope with
situations that would usually absolutely
floor us so when you go into the therapy
don't just think okay now I've started
therapy everything's gonna be great my
life is now gonna be easy because it's
just not like that we have to put in the
work and because for so long we have
built our little neural pathways in our
brain so when something bad happens we
eat chocolate or something bad happens
and we self-harm or something bad
happens and we go shopping so where does
something bad happens
so we zip down this neural pathway and
this is how we cope obviously it's not
the most helpful way of coping and we
come into therapy and we have to learn
new skills to put into place to replace
the old skills but it's the first time
we taught say a new skill we don't have
oh I've got this new neural pathway
won't use the old one because the old
one's been built up so long and so it's
really making a conscious effort to do
something different and it takes a lot
of thinking a lot of concentration a lot
of practicing skills doing homework
talking to therapists this so much and
our mind is just working overtime and
yes is hard and yes it is draining but
it's not always gonna be like you can
get to a point in recovery where you can
just go through life not thinking oh
I've got to practice this skill today
you just do it just like you don't think
I'm gonna have a drink you just go and
pick up a drink
Yuja it just automatically you just do
that and eventually you will
automatically do the helping coping
skills but you're not even conscious
you're doing it it's just happening and
that is a wonderful place to be at
because you have a freedom and rather
than feeling the borderline controls us
we finally feel in control but it's
getting there
now recovery is not a one-off event you
do not have borderline personality you
go to therapy that's the event you are
now recovered if only it was that simple
recovery is a process it takes a
different amount of time for different
people it all depends on how much work
you want to put in obviously you want to
put in as much effort as you can but in
doing that expect to be emotionally and
physically drained out not it's not even
just feeling drained and worn out
because you're having all these old
emotions brought to the surface we can
go through stages of real anger your
anxiety elation which is wonderful
depression which sucks and we going
through all these emotions that we've
blocked we've tried to block either by
detaching or just suppressing it and now
is the time that we have to look at
these things and learn to cope with them
in a healthy way so it's not easy there
will be times you feel drained and your
emotions are all over the place
and you're thinking I don't see how this
is helping me I think I was better when
I was detaching from my emotions and I
was nam but actually we can detach yes
but the emotions are still there yep
suppressed they are building building
building building and they will explode
so while we're in therapy we're in a
safe environment where we can start
looking at all those emotions that we've
suppressed and dealing with them in a
healthy way so when we do come out the
other side which we do they're not going
to come back and bite us on the ass
because we've dealt with them in a
healthy way rather than just suppressing
them so emotions do run high in therapy
but it's so worth sticking at I don't
just think this is too painful I just
want to give up because it won't always
be like this
but if you actually put down the therapy
and go back to how you were yes you
might numbed it for a bit but trust me
it will come back and get you and so
that's why therapy is important so I am
going to leave that there guys but I
will be back next Friday and I'll see
you well then enjoy your weekend of your
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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