hi guys today I'm doing a video request
for Rosie roof and Rosie fruit asked me
about being a new mom with BPD now I've
I have BPB I know I manage it but I have
it it's still there lying dormant until
the day I get stressed and stop using my
skills and I have four children so I
have been new mom and so I feel like I
can do a video on this and talk about
this quite easily um when you become a
new mum for the first time it's hard
anyway like your routine is completely
out you're getting no sleep
everything changes like all of a sudden
you're if you're like a new mom for the
first time you've never had children
you've kind of got your independence you
can just say hey uncle I go and meet the
girls for a shopping trip pick up your
bag and go and then all of a sudden you
have their little bundle of joy and just
going out with the girls for a shopping
trip is not so easy because it's hang on
do I have babies and nappies when she
drew a feed when they do a nap and it's
trying to work everything I mean I know
for me to leave the house takes at least
20 minutes at least in fact it's
probably nearly an hour and 20 minutes
if I'm honest getting all the kids ready
if we're going out for a day so you go
from being able to just go out and do
what you want to not that's hard anyway
and then you factor in the borderline
personality disorder now like I just
said when you're a new mom it's hard
anyway hormones
and our hormones make our moods go like
all over the place and we cry for no
reason I remember posting a picture on
Instagram of I had driven to the beach
and I just sat there holding baby in the
car
rying and I didn't even know why I was
crying I just couldn't stop it little
babies that don't ya know didn't say hi
hi see hi
let's get you close up say hi
they're lovely smiles they're lovely
smiles haha she's my little angel I love
her so much I love more so much um but
this little angel turns our lives upside
down and yeah our hormones now with BPD
we have extreme emotions anyway so the
hormones make us feel down whereas
someone might feel down we feel down
down down so so low I even went through
it this time it was my fault my fault
you think I'd have got you stripped but
unfortunately the hormones are still
there and my emotions are still really
extreme and I did I spent lots of times
crying the way I kind of got through it
was telling myself this the way I feel
now is not going to last forever I do
need to one let the hormones calm down
that takes time the lack of sleep as
well I get now people used to say sleep
when baby sleeps not really I'm gonna do
the house back when baby sleeps but then
I'll get really really tired because
whereas I used to sleep at night now I
can't sleep at night anymore I have a
screaming baby that needs feeding so if
you do not have any other children all
you do in there at school and your baby
is asleep in the day sleep
trust me catch up on as much sleep as
you can because when we sleep
sleep-deprived
we can not happy people it's really not
good for up here eating make sure you
client eat regular meals and I say this
because I know when my kids were born
actually I was so busy trying to change
nappies feed the baby deal with the
other kids look after the house and run
around and do all this that instead of
sitting and thing I'm gonna make myself
a nice healthy meal I would grab a pack
of crisps and a chocolate bar and that
gives you a kind of short-term fix
especially with anything sugary you'll
get that spike in mood and then it will
drop and it won't fill you up so you go
and have another job let bar and get if
you get what I mean
so it is kind of important you do look
after yourself as much as you can if you
have guests come around family members
and they offer to help if they offer to
do the dishes or offer to with the
Hoover round or the vacuum take them up
on that offer saging a walk yes please I
really really appreciate that if they
say look we'll give baby a cuddle if you
want to get 20 minute sleep take it have
20 minutes sleep because you will feel
better for it and for me as well when I
had my children every time I would
literally just be one to start with
paranoid that they would just stop
breathing so I would just be constantly
checking on them and poking them and
then waking them and paranoid about
everything because all of a sudden I had
this beautiful little baby there I
literally could not love more if I tried
and I've loved them so much I felt like
exploding what you doing but with that
you then get all the worry and I found I
was overwhelmed with
oh my god I'm gonna spend the rest of my
life worrying about this little thing
and it was really really scary what do
those laces burn bubbles at me but
you've kind of got realized you're not
the only person that feels this way
there are so many mums with borderline
personality disorder that have children
and can still go on and learn to manage
the disorder whilst looking after their
children I've got four four and I still
manage to manage it managed to manage it
and I do so it is possible but like I
said as well constantly reminding
yourself that the way I feel now is not
gonna last baby does soon enough get in
a routine and they'll start sleeping
through the night having certain naps in
the day but in the mean time as well
another thing that I did do I used to
isolate I didn't want to see anyone I
just wanted to stay inside and look at
my little baby and that really wasn't
good for me
you need to go and see people if you
don't feel you've got like a group of
friends going to like there's any
children's centres or kids groups that
you can take your little one to and meet
other mums and your child will get to
socialize with other babies if they can
so surprised that that's such a little
cough haven't you you should being a mom
is the most wonderful wonderful thing in
the world and for me with my board line
when I feel good it's like I love them
so much they are so amazing but with
that you do we also have the negative
extreme moods and they're really really
hard
to deal with but like I said talk to
friends talk to family members if you
have a therapist talk to them don't be
frightened to say look I'm really
struggling at the moment I'm really
finding it tough and if they can offer
any kind of help take it literally just
take it because there are so many
different people out there that will be
willing to help you even if it's just
talking with your health visitor and
saying I'm really struggling with my
mood there's nothing wrong with saying
that and you might find they might be
able to get you more regular
appointments with your therapist if
you're really struggling they might be
able to allocate you like community care
nurse that can come out and visit you
once a week or more if you're really
really desperate so so know there are
people out there and never ever feel
alone because don't actually so many
people suffering I suffer post Nate
factual post natal depression well
especially with my first and second eye
I was quite bad with my third as well
and and this time I got really down but
it was very short-lived which was
fantastic and but I know like there is
the mind Awards on it in UK there's huge
charity called mind and I do believe a
lady last year who won the mind award
for like social media and it was because
she set up a website for women that was
suffering postnatally so go online and
have a look because it's good to talk to
other people that are going through what
you're going through and you don't have
to isolate and hide away and be ashamed
of how you're feeling either because I
know that oh I know there are women that
can have babies and they just feel like
they cannot bond with their baby that
does not make you a bad mom it does not
mean you will never love your baby it
just means you're really struggling
right now and you need a little bit of
help and that's okay to say that and
it's okay to ask for it as well and I
think I'm gonna leave that there guys
but have a wonderful weekend and yeah
just have a wonderful weekend
if you all Bay