hi my little warriors how are you today
I'm sorry I'm looking at over because I
have just recorded and been chatting
away for about 10 minutes look down to
press stop and it wasn't even freaking
recording so I was checking this working
that's almost that nice right hello I'm
going to talk about being a parent like
being a mom being their dad when you
have either mental health problems or
you are suffering in addiction or both
like me have both often you the to come
hand-in-hand dual diagnosis is called we
have been twelfth an addiction and they
often do come together I think that's
because if you've got mental health
problem you feel pretty crap about
yourself if you want to feel better you
use drugs and drink to try numb that
feeling or to give us high you know what
we don't realize it doesn't actually
work because there's always to come down
and we feel worse it just cause it's
loads of problems but yes that's what
I'm gonna talk about because yesterday
my three children were ill and they were
all at home can't go to school they will
have really high temperatures so I had
the three of them here with me on my own
in a little flat
okay they were crying and whinging and
lying they couldn't even just on the
sofa they're lying I would say from once
kicking the other than elbowing each
other and I'm just going stay calm stay
calm but it got me thinking because
years ago
Oded just been like oh I'm going just
going and I would have walked
I just couldn't have coat but today I'm
not that person
I found recovery and I can deal with
their Tantrums without me having to have
a tantrum at them for having a tantrum
so we're all having tantrums
and I don't need to do that today so
being a mum or dad when you're suffering
you see four normal moving people for
people like without mental health
problems with our addiction or
alcoholism being a mum or dad is hard
really hard and that's when they've got
no other issues bringing out our mental
health and bringing the addiction and it
just is so hard to cope looking back
like I only realized now how far I've
come I when I was in my addiction I
still thought I was a good one I didn't
think it would ever have a negative
effect on the children I mean looking
back now I can see that was completely
crap and it would had a really bad
effect I was very lucky in fact my
children were very young when I found
recovery but I was I think I was in
denial that it would affect them because
even though I was an addict and I have
mental health issues I love my kids and
I know other addicts and other people
with mental health problems and they
love their kid like we love our kids so
much but we can't they that our children
can't solve our mental health they can't
get us out of addiction it would be
great if they could but I now know that
is not possible right
so what do you do if you're a mom you're
a dad you're suffering what do you do
but we love our kids so we're often too
scared to tell anyone what's going on in
our head lot of our behaviors because
we're scared they're gonna take the one
thing that we do love our children
they're gonna take them away so what do
we do so we then we suffer in silence
and it does start having a negative
effect on the children of course it will
as much as at the time we don't think it
will but yeah it does
but what do we do because if we're not
then asking for help we're not asking
for help we're not gonna get help if we
don't get help we can't be helped
Oh a word right if you have borderline
personality disorder or you're suffering
in addiction or you now colic or any
other mental health problem first of all
you need to be honest with yourself
do you accept there's a problem do you
admit you have a drug habit do you admit
you drink too much because if you don't
think there's a problem you're not gonna
do anything about it if you've what
bought you said okay so you don't have
borderline personality disorder but a
lot of your loved ones your family
members who love you are saying to you
that there might be a problem
something's not right your behaviors are
not right what do you do I know if
people had said that to me years ago so
much whatever room no pain and I would
not have been open-minded but if there
are children involved and you have
little children that you love don't they
deserve it for you just to be open
minded
it doesn't mean yes you have a problem
but at least is listening people that
really love you
saying something's not right maybe just
have a think about that govern run I've
got loads of videos from borderline
personality disorder on addiction
whatever have a look and see if you can
relate and if there's things that you're
thinking yeah do that that's how I feel
that's how I feel maybe maybe there is a
problem and maybe you should see your
doctor and your doctor can help you
assess if you go to doctor and you get
tested for borderline personality
disorder and they say you have it do not
think some people are going to come
along and just take your children away
that doesn't happen they will try
everything they can to get you the help
and support you need your children will
deserve it you deserve it I know how
painful is having mental health problems
I know how painful it is living with
addiction it's up to you to decide how
painful a place you want to get in
before you get help because you could
get help now or you could just wait
until things get really bad before you
go and get help
I know it's hard if you suffer say drug
addiction what you can do who you're
gonna tell if you tell anyone they will
tell social services or the authorities
have to be notified basically you're a
drug addict they have to be notified and
I get that is really really scary and
I'm not telling you to go and say hey
I'm a drug addict yeah come and get
involved because I know how scary that
is but there are other things you can do
now if you are suffering addiction and
you haven't told anyone and you don't
plan on telling anyone and you have
children I guarantee you it's going to
get to a point where someone finds out
and the authorities will get involved
anyway and it will be a lot harder
because they would have found you
I'm again not telling you to go and
start owning up to people that you have
a big problem but it's about you need to
get help so where can you get help where
no one needs to be told this is where
12-step meetings come in they're all
over the world in all the countries a a
CA na you can go along they're
completely anonymous anything that said
in the room stays in the room and you
will find there are a lot of parents in
there just like you that have been
either be suffering additional
alcoholism and they're not gonna judge
you they're not gonna go and notify the
authorities on you but it's your way of
getting some help first just try it if
you're that desperate and you don't want
to lose your kids and your kids don't
deserve to lose their parents they don't
deserve a parentless in addiction either
I know that now
but I'm not saying you don't love your
kids I'm not saying that at all but even
if you are suffering with addiction or
mental health early you can think my
children deserve me to try and get some
help
I've got to try and look 12-step
meetings a brilliant in the fact like I
said they're anonymous they're free you
can find them all over the world if you
go along to a meeting and you don't like
it try a different one they're all
different you get different people at
different ones the format and the
meetings might be slightly different an
AAA meeting might be different to an NA
meeting which will be different with CA
meeting
try them all just try them and it
doesn't hurt and see how you get them
that way I think that is much better
than waiting till it's too late and yeah
because at the end though I've got
friends I've lost multiple children in
addiction because they could not stop
but recovery is possible with addiction
there is a way out I know people that
relapse relapse relapse flight over 10
years trying to quit can't quit and
finally they've quit and they've been
clean for a year so it is possible so
just don't don't don't give up fight
like I said at the beginning of this
video we are warriors because we have to
fight at life we have to fight just to
live in like a normal life and it's
painful but we do fight and we get
through it we can't get through it and
then we are so strong and then we can
help others that were just where we are
and that's what I want to do I'll help
you
because I have been there if you're a
parent like I said it's hard it's
accepting whatever support you can get I
know like I can't speak for all the
countries because I live in the UK I'm
in England in the UK we have cm HT it
sounds for the community mental health
team we've got them in all the different
towns they can deal with like mental
health and that you're offering it
referred from your doctor so if you're
suffering try and get help there they
might have groups on and stuff and it's
free we also in the UK have children's
centres they're amazing and they're free
and also if social services or that
aren't involved you can go into a
children's center and say can I have a
family support worker and someone will
work one-on-one with you and help you if
you're struggling if you're struggling
with your finances if you're struggling
with disciplining your children or like
whatever they can help and it's just
having that someone to talk to you
that's not gonna judge you obviously if
you go in and say yeah I'm using drugs
they're gonna have to notify the
authorities that's that but if you're
just struggling you say look I'm
struggling my mental health I think
Anubha help they can help
and it's free it's also an opportunity
that you can just go along and meet
other parents that groups say very much
so
except as much support as you can get
it's not something to be ashamed of
unfortunately we don't choose to be
addicts I didn't decide when I was
younger look to be an object when I grow
up and fuck a lot be fun you know it
just doesn't happen like that I didn't
choose to have borderline personality
disorder and choose to be a complete
anxious mess where I can't leave the
house but it happened but yeah don't be
ashamed feel like you can talk to people
um yeah and get that get the help you
need
because motherhood fatherhood it can be
amazing it can be so good but obviously
if you're struggling not gonna enjoy it
and that time goes so quickly and at the
detriment of yourself and of your
children so yeah look forever helps out
there for you and I guarantee you one
day you'll be like I love being a mom or
a love being a dad it's amazing my kids
don't drive me nuts that's just complete
lie my kids still drive me nuts but
today I can go for that so bye guys