hi my lovelies today I'm going to talk
about borderline personality disorder
and motherhood I have noticed a few
comments for a while now actually
there's a particular guy I won't name
any names but he basically grew up with
a mom who had borderline and really
damaged him
not just him his dad as well I can tell
from his comments he's got a lot of
anger against all people with borderline
I think to be fair I don't even blame
him because I think have it been me and
I'd suffered at the hands of a month I
had BPD would I understand it no for
Riordan it's only because I actually
have it that I do understand it now so I
thought it touched on this subject
because I always had a lovely young lady
asked about it and asked do VPD mothers
I suppose or fathers damage their
children and if so is that like the
general rule or is it extreme
circumstances I'm afraid to believe that
um some does try an answer to the best
of my ability I don't know if my answers
right or wrong but I can just give you
my experience now when my daughter was
born my BPD was quite bad um and to
start with I kind of made her my
obsession like I would focus on her so
much I remember crying and saying to my
mom like I wish I could just run away
with her never see anyone again like
because I just wanted it to be me and
her on her own as the years went on
alcohol came back into it drugs came
back into it and where drugs and alcohol
are concerned you obviously you can't be
the best parent you'd like to be whereas
I've been home cooking
organic lovely food for her when drugs
and alcohol were involved I just I
couldn't be bothered so it was just what
if it was quick and easy and whereas
before I used to love bath time and
sitting there and reading I still did it
when I was using and drinking but my
mind wasn't there like I was physically
there but emotionally I wasn't all I
could think about was drinking and using
drugs with the borderline personality
disorder my daughter luckily didn't she
well I say she didn't but possibly she
did my mood swings but she was very
young I mean I was my son was 2 my
daughter was four when I came into
recovery I came away for the drugs in
the alcohol and kind of it was kind of
from there my life's got better and
better really because and once I've
sorted out the drugs and alcohol and I
put them down I can focus on my monk
mental health and on the borderline I
say sososo is due borderline parents
destroy their children while they're
damaging I think anyone with mental
health issues we affect people around us
but what you've got to remember it isn't
a choice we're not setting out to hurt
people around us I never set out to hurt
all my loved ones and behave the way I
did I was completely controlled by this
illness and it is the same with people
with borderline yeah possibly children
might see the mood swings see the
impulsive behaviors is it good for them
no of course it's not of course it's not
good for them but this is where moms and
dads need support they need to be able
to talk about it because
borderline can be managed and you can
recover from it and you can go on to be
a great parent um my children don't see
me wanting to smash the place up or
going nuts
I sometimes raise my voice or I'm grumpy
well I can sit down and tell them mom's
had a bad day and more recently actually
I've started kind of touching on the
subject of borderline I mean when talk
to seven now my son was five my
two-year-old obviously won't understand
it but I've certainly kind of talks
about the difference between physical
health and there's a thing mental health
and I've started talking about it and I
explained that mummy wasn't well and it
made me behave in a certain way because
I think this is why there's such a
stigma attached because people don't
talk about it and I think it's important
for even children to know so yeah I
started doing that so they understand
that I can have good days and bad days
but my bad days now are better than my
good days back when I had board like my
board line was out of control and the
way I say oh I remember I message this
guy back eight years ago and I was I
kind the way I explained there I kind of
said you know someone with borderline
personality disorder it's not their
choice we don't choose to have it it's
not like yeah that's how we want to feel
because we hate it
we hate living like that and I kind of
said it just say someone has cancer or
nothing real bad illness where they
physically they they can't look after
their children then people step in and
help if they didn't that child too could
grow up damaged seeing their parent ill
not well not they're not getting looked
after so therefore being neglected in a
certain way but that doesn't happen
because if someone's got cancer
everyone will rally round and help
and I kind of think what's the
difference or a no like this guy was
like there's a huge difference it's
cancer but just like a cancer patient
doesn't choose to have cancer someone
with mental health doesn't choose to
have that and rather than being kinda
left to just deal with it they need
support and they might need support with
their parenting as well not just that
the children should be offered their
support I feel really sorry for this guy
I think like he was obviously just him
and his dad were left to deal with it
themselves and that should never have
happened I can't speak um half of him
because I are you I also know there's
lots of different people with borderline
personality disorder just because we
might have all the same thing in the
same trades our personalities are
different and just like you get good and
bad out of people that don't have mental
health problems which is will you get
good and bad people that do have mental
health problems and perhaps the
difference is that the good the good
people with borderline they generally
feel guilt and remorse and that they're
causing this pain whereas some people
just don't but maybe that in itself is
maybe narcissistic I don't I don't know
about much about nurses and say but
those people they don't have any empathy
or sympathy or guilt or shame for the
way they behave do I believe all BPD
mothers and fathers just damage their
children no I don't leave my children
are damaged perhaps that's because I've
got recovery early and had it gone on
longer maybe they would have seen more
things they shouldn't have and but I
know other people with borderline
personality disorder that have older
children
and their children are all right they've
grown up okay they're not damaged they
do not have issues they're you know
they've grown into a good well-rounded
like stable children and they've grown
up with mental health in their family so
it just seems you read a lot of horror
horror stories about how awfully damaged
these children are and I think it's very
good you writing all these stories about
there but if this is the case and there
are children out there being damaged
surely you should step in and give them
um some support because it's not like
that setting out to do this and hurt
their children because I think the last
thing like I know for me I taught my
children and I'll hate to think that I'd
damage them in some way Oh like we've
got enough kill and shame to live with
without throwing that into the mix so we
can feel guilty forever for damaging our
children which is something that we just
don't want to do I say no I don't think
every person with BPD damages their
children I think motherhood is hard
motherhood hard anyway let Lohmann
you've got mental health problems I
think we should be offered more support
around that the children should be
offered support parents should be able
to feel like they can say look I'm
really struggling and I need a bit of
help without the fear that their
children are gonna be taken away because
a lot of parents don't want to say
anything for that fact because they
don't want to lose their children
because they love their children
um but hopefully like the more we talk
about it why the more we talk about it
hopefully you know we can smash this
stigma together and get people talking
and realize that mental health is real
we're not bad people we don't choose to
have it but we can recover as well with
the right support we can recover
say yes I hope I answered that question
I'm sure I'm probably gonna get messages
from that guy arguing his case and I do
really feel for her and if you are
watching I'm really sorry like I'm sorry
what happened to you but I do believe
yours was an extreme case I don't think
your mum got the support she needed I
don't think you were given the support
your dad that you needed and and you
have a lot of anger around that which I
personally I would suggest you speak to
someone because I can tell you've got it
all built up inside and that's not
healthy and you shouldn't have to live
like that either so yeah all right guys
I'm gonna leave that there I am gonna
try and do another video I really rushed
my ones that did last Friday I had like
10 minutes and I tried to squeeze her
videos in but I have time today so I
don't have to rush rush rush which is
great because I hate rushing my videos
to you guys I like sitting here chatting
with you but yeah I hope you're all
really good and have lovely week
what time is it today is any Wednesday
I'm going away tomorrow my brothers
getting married in Ireland so I'm flying
out to Dublin which is great and I can't
wait I love my brother to bits he's
lovely
am i flying out with my other brother
here I'm cold and my partner but I
couldn't find a dress that fits me so
God knows well am I going to sack maybe
I'll go in a sack no say but take care
guys enjoy the rest you weak bag