hi guys today I am going to do a video
request from Matthew and Matthew asked
me about pathological and compulsive
lying and how it into weaves with
borderline personality disorder
now I must point out that not everyone
that has borderline is a compulsive liar
am also not everyone who is a compulsive
liar has borderline personality disorder
or any mental health issue they might
have no other mental health issues but
be a compulsive liar but for the sake of
this video I'm going to do what Matthew
asked me to do talk about BPD and
compulsive lying right there are
different types of lies and when I say
that I do not mean there are big fat
lies and teeny-tiny little white lies I
mean there are different levels of lying
but I'm talking about the lies we tell
the type and there are conscious lies
that we consciously know we are telling
we know it's a lie but we say it anyway
and there is unconscious lying
so with this yes it is a lie and yes we
tell it but we are not aware of it we
are we believe what we are saying to be
the truth and an example of this might
be me my partner we have a big round and
my emotions will gain building building
to them well through the roof and I hurl
abuse at him and we have a big round and
when my emotions calm and we sit down
and we talk and he says why did you say
this and I turn around and say I never
said that
I really don't believe I said that
and to him obviously I did say that and
he thinks she's an outright liar she
said that is she trying to make hell I'm
the one that's losing my mind
I heard her say it but I really really
do not believe that I said what he says
I said so that is an unconscious like I
do not know I'm lying I believe in Weiss
what I'm saying to be the truth and
another it jean-paul ah okay just uh I
won't do partner this time but I'm going
to have rap though I won't use my
partner he gets it all the time
I will use my poor mum just say I have a
bigger hours MoMA now my mum has done
everything for me always does everything
for me it's always supporting me love me
um but I'm really emotional and really
angry I have fear of abandonment I have
relationship issues and I tell her what
do you do for me you don't care about me
you don't do anything for me and that is
an outright lie because she does
everything and she tries to show me she
loves me on a daily basis but in my head
what I am saying is the truth and so
again by projecting on her trying to
make out this is your phone and I am
lying but I am not aware of it so it is
an unconscious light now conscious lies
are much easier to explain and people
that have affairs and deny it
that's consciously lying and I used to
consciously lie regularly regarding my
drug use if my ex or my mum asked me out
right are you using
I would say no but I was and if I asked
to borrow money and they said is this to
buy drugs with I would say no but it was
um so I was consciously lying and the
listen I told these type of lies I was
for my own game if they knew that I was
using
they might not lend me money they make
life quite hard for me and try and stop
me and that would get in my way because
I just wanted to use drugs so I would
outright consciously lie to them and
other lies that people tell the thing is
with borderline personality disorder we
one of the big traits that we have we
have this fear of abandonment we
constantly think everyone's going to
leave us and we will have no one and we
take desperate measures to stop that
happening and so we can tell really big
lies so people if we've done something
really wrong and we fear our partners
going to leave us we might tell a big
lie but we also can tell smaller lies we
want people to like us we have bad
self-image we don't like ourselves but
we want people to like us and we don't
want people to leave us so we might
actually outright just fabricate a whole
story
so someone thinks that either we're
funny or it was an interesting story and
and so we can again consciously tell a
whole fabrication just for the sake of
it so people like us and
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there are a number of reasons that we
lie and I think most of them come down
to the fact that we have such intense
emotions so like I said earlier the some
of the unconscious lies they would come
out when the emotions were so intense
the conscious lies were often to avoid
either abandonment and to avoid people
not liking us and I suppose manipulation
we can live manipulating people into the
kind of thinking what we want them to
think and so there there are so many
different levels that we can tell lies
on and the outside world I suppose we're
just liars not very nice people but they
do not understand borderline personality
disorder
we do not just outright set out to lie
to everyone or hurt anyone we when we
were in like the grips of air and our
BPD is completely out of control
we will do anything to try and stop
those emotions it's like our emotions
are so intense we're actually scared of
our emotions we fear our emotions
because they know we know how painful
they are and ways we do that is a lot of
these really horrid negative coping
mechanisms that the outside world we
just don't believe they would get it so
we will lie about it to cover up
often we're wracked with guilt and shame
we have all that we can lie for that
reason so kind of the list is endless
the different reasons we do it but I
think it all stems down to the fact that
we're just hurting so much we're scared
of ourselves we're scared of our
emotions were scared of people finding
us out and not liking us with scared of
people leaving us and so we take drastic
action and I'm not saying it's right
because dishonesty is not right but
until we learn to manage our symptoms
and manage our emotions I think if you
are someone that compulsively lies
consciously or unconsciously is not
really going to change until you get
hold of a BPD and I'm going to leave
that there today because I'm sure
there's loads of things that I've missed
I'll actually I did just start filming
this and I got like five minutes in and
then glance down and the whole screen
had frozen with my face like putting a
funny face not because I pulled that
face at the screen but obviously like
when someone's talking if you pause it
and at funny moments their face pulls
funny faces even though they don't pull
the funny face of you know I mean and so
yeah I glanced down my little face on
the screen looking hideous frozen so I
have redone it and I'm sure I have loads
more to say but I can't think of it
right now but if I do I will possibly do
another video or if you have any
questions about this or anything that
you have to say put it in the comments
um help me out guys
see you later bye