hi-yah today I'm talking about the
borderline personality trait fear of
abandonment this is like one of the
worst feelings in the world from a young
age I've kind of always felt I'm gonna
be left I'm gonna end up with no one and
I've bought that feeling into all my
relationships where I am so fearful
because I've got the intense emotions
and the relationships are intense so I'm
like Lauren then all of a sudden with
that comes the fear believe me and it
was such a big fear like I would want to
cling onto that person and be with them
constantly because I was so scared they
were gonna leave like oh my god if they
go to work for the day they might forget
me by five o'clock and it was a it was a
real fear for me and one of the things I
would then do is I would be so fearful I
would start to believe that fear and
think well they're going to leave so
what you do you push them away so I've
sort of been horrid and having digs and
just being outright spiteful I could say
some of the most hurtful things so that
person would storm out and then I'd be
like in a mess on the floor I knew they
were going to leave I knew it when
actually I'll just push them away all
right do I do that today no I definitely
don't do that today
I don't push push away do I have the
fear of abandonment sometimes it's not
so much with partners now I worry my
kids are gonna grow up leave me
because they're like my little bundles
of joy and open them wrapped in cotton
wool puttin in my pocket and I don't
want them going anywhere I like that
that's how I get rose actually I've got
to kind of let them grow so I dunno I
it's something I work on daily and the
feeling definitely gets easier I'm not
scared to be on my own now in my
relationship video I'll explain how my
partner actually moved out a few months
ago and so kind of since they are really
I'm really independent person now for
the first time ever so it does take time
it does take effort but it definitely
gets easier I don't play those mind
games that I used to play and I would
all the time like testing I could say
they could say would you like something
to eat and I'd say no I'm not hungry and
in my head I'd think if you don't make
me something you don't love me even
though that I'm not hungry so they'd go
and cook themselves dinner not make me
any and I would be gutted inside like
they're gonna leave me they didn't make
me dinner I said I didn't want it and
they didn't make it they're gonna leave
me which is so irrational um but they
were the thoughts that went on in my
head and I would I would test
juniel tests see if their path and even
if they did pass my test I made the
dinner I'd probably didn't go I told you
I didn't want any why won't you listen
to me and I would turn it round somehow
I would spin it round
yeah
I'm gonna leave that there but I might
do another video on it because it has
played quite a big thing in my life this
fear of abandonment because I have it
with friends as well I've had it with
friends oh yeah one other thing like I
remember one time I've got a really best
friend I saw her talking to someone else
and they were arranging to go out and I
I was consumed with oh my god they could
they put other friends I didn't want
them to have other friends I wanted to
be the only friend and I'd get this like
little panic jealousy that they had
other friends I didn't like it so it's
like I was quite possessive possessive
over anyone around me really and because
I couldn't couldn't bear the thought of
leaving being this house Hey