hi guys today I'm going to talk about
borderline personality disorder and is
it genetic or is it social is it to do
with our environment and I'm going to go
into a bit about my childhood and just
give you my opinion basically I'm not
saying it's right
might not be that's all I can do
basically no one knows for sure if it is
genetic or if it's down to environment
but it is believed that it's both there
have been studies recently showing that
the brain of someone with borderline
personality disorder the part that deals
with emotions is wired up differently to
people that don't have borderline
personality disorder there is they're
doing a lot of research on it obviously
like I said no one knows for sure but it
does seem like it is biological and it
is passed down it doesn't necessarily
mean someone in your family has
borderline but possibly they might there
is some kind of mental health it could
be bipolar depression anxiety or
whatever within the family I know my
family I think I'm the only one with
borderline personality disorder or at
least the only one in this generation
and going back no one else has been
diagnosed with it but there are mental
health issues in my family on my dad's
side there's been depression quite a bit
of depression on both sides really I've
got um yeah on both sides
err so the thing is lots of people ask
me this and I know it's because a lot of
people with borderline personality
disorder have had awful childhoods
they've been abused they've been
neglected it could be emotional abuse it
could be physical of abuse so obviously
if someone has had this horrific
childhood it would make sense that
they're gonna struggle with their mental
health as they're older they're gonna be
some issues there but the thing to know
is not everyone with borderline
personality disorder has been abused or
has had an awful childhood so if they've
had say someone's had a perfectly normal
childhood and they still have it that
does hint at the fact that possibly is
biological and has been passed down
likewise there are people out there that
have been abused and had the most awful
upbringing and they don't develop
borderline personality disorder I think
it's definitely a combination of both
let me tell you a little bit about my
childhood I was born in 1981 on October
the 13th making me 35 and my dad is
Irish my mum is a mix from all over we
got mixed blood loads from all the
different countries my dad was an
alcoholic but he wasn't the sort that
would come home and batter me and my
brother beat me and my mom and brother
it was more
that he was often asleep when he was at
home or he would go down the pub but my
memories of my dad like my dad left well
my mom divorced him when I was about
five my dad moved back to Ireland but
the memories of I have of my dad all
good I am very close with my dad I'm
very close with my mom as well
my mum was very very loving perhaps too
loving if you can love your child too
much very protective of me and my
brother
I've got brother who's two years younger
than me called Carl and I'm very close
with my brother as well so there wasn't
really abuse we weren't beaten
we weren't left on our own I I know like
I learned when I was in rehab that
sometimes things can happen when we were
child that we take it in to be
completely different to what happened
for example I've got a memory of me when
I was probably about three years old
crying at the window thinking my dad is
leaving I'm never gonna see him again
but from talking to my parents
apparently that day he wasn't leaving he
was going to work and I just got really
upset it was going away to work he
worked for the airline so sometimes he
travelled when we didn't see him for a
few days and but as a child I didn't
know that which suggests to me that my
emotions were already heightened my mum
I have told this story before but used
to say from the age of two when she'd
sing wrong but hey Lynn
it goes when the bough breaks the cradle
will fall and I would cry I'd get so
upset I just couldn't handle it really
upset me and there were lots of
instances like that throughout my
childhood I was very very emotional I I
was very clingy to my mom she says like
in a day I must say I love you mummy I
love you mummy I love you mummy hundreds
of times to the point that she used to
think it's normal that my daughter says
it constantly I'd say it constantly so
yeah my dad left to Ireland moved back
to Dublin and I would see him in the
holidays in my class I was one of the
only children that I remember that had
divorced parents and I did used to feel
different but I also remember that I
used to play on it at school like if I
got in trouble at school when I was like
five and six I start crying and saying
my deadly does and being very aware that
I was like manipulating the teachers and
using that in my favor to be let off
getting in trouble
so and yeah he left but we'd see him in
the holidays would go out to Ireland
myself and my little brother and we had
the most amazing holidays he lived with
my grandparents went out and my
grandparents were the most amazing
grandparents and we always just had the
most fantastic time where we'd cry when
we had to come home and my poor mum who
did everything for us we just wanted to
stags we just had so much fun I was very
lucky growing up that my mum wasn't the
sort that had lots of men coming back
she didn't have boyfriends she wasn't
like dating like that and like was my
dad actually he didn't introduce us to
millions and millions of women we did
meet some girlfriends but it was like
yes there was nothing it wasn't like we
were always meeting different women or
there
when I was 11 or maybe younger my dad
was with a lady and she was pregnant and
I had a little brother called Connor who
was born and I always remember like my
dad sitting down telling us and my
younger brother saying daddy will you
love Connor more than us or will you
love us more than him and I was very
quiet and I remember sitting there
thinking he'll say he loves us more than
Connor but my dad said we'll all love
you will the same you my children which
obviously it's all his children but I
remember the hurt that felt I didn't say
anything but I remember being devastated
that oh my god because it was always me
and my brother and now all of sudden
this other child was coming and my dad
would love them and I had a lot of
jealousy because obviously this baby
who's been born in Ireland lived in
Ireland and I just imagined my dad
having a happy family of them while me
and my brother were in England and I
really felt it but as it turned out my
dad and that lady didn't work out and
she decided to not tell my brother
Connor that my dad was his dad basically
she said you can see him but I've met
someone else aren't gonna tell Connor
that this is his dad and my dad went
along with that so over the years myself
my brother who would go and see corner
but he never knew we were his brother
and sister which was it used to really
upset me because I used to just want him
to know that lowly or brother and sister
but I mean Connors I think in his 20s
now and he found out a couple years ago
and he has been in contact and I've
messaged and I'd like to build up a
relationship with him because it was
always very strange because we always
knew he was our baby brother but he he'd
he just didn't know who we were he just
thought we were some visitors but if
visitors from England but I'm any hurry
my
dad met a lady called Ann and Ann is my
stepmom today and I was you don't know
that 11 was 12 and she was amazing she
had a son called Daniel who was younger
still so he was very young when my dad
came into his life and my dad kinda
raised Daniel like his own and so Daniel
is that what my brother that's getting
married this weekend so he's my
step-brother but we're very close and
I'm very close with my stepmom I mean I
couldn't ask for a better stepmom I said
yeah so that's kind of that side on this
side
my mom my stepdad I was a teenager again
my stepdad Lee and again I am so
fortunate because literally my stepdad
is the best I mean he is grandpa to all
my children and they absolutely adore
him and there's nothing he doesn't do
for us he helps me actually he helped me
build my website he's into IT I couldn't
have done it without him
and whenever I'm having a problem I'm on
the phone to him and he helps me and
he's like genius on the computer how I'm
really really lucky
so yeah like my childhood wasn't one of
abuse I wasn't beaten yes my dad did
move away and I possibly felt that loss
it was when I was in rehab and I was
doing something called relapse
prevention that was developed by a man
called Terrence Gorski and we had to
fill in all this stuff about our past
natural hurt and that and there were
loads of questions that I thought were
really random but looking back you could
see all my partners that I've been with
it's kind of trying to look for a bit of
a father figure someone that could
protect me someone a bit older and also
men that very similar to my dad which is
quite weird and now definitely wasn't
aware of doing but apparently I did
but other than that I know one thing
growing up I always felt for some reason
because my brother was younger me Carl
was younger than me I always felt that I
was like the man of the house and I had
to protect him and my mum and to the
point that I get paranoid and every
night I would fold up some clothes and
some underwear for myself make a little
pile of clothes for myself pile of
clothes for my brother and pile clothes
for my mom and I would go and get the
photo albums this is every night and put
them in a little pile so if there was a
fire in the night we quick would quickly
throw our clothes on get our photos and
go and I did that from a young age and I
did it for years and yeah I was all I
always kind of felt that I was
responsible
we told us and I was a child but it goes
to show like I wasn't beaten I wasn't
really abused like Rob wasn't abused I
just wasn't but that didn't stop me from
developing borderline personality
disorder wanting to die when it's
self-harm constantly attempting suicide
and suffering so for me it's definitely
I would say both biological and social
biosocial I am very aware that a lot of
people out there do really suffer with
abuse in their childhood but I wouldn't
say that it was necessarily just that
that caused the BPD I think you're you
kind of much more like predisposition
maybe together and then depending on
your childhood you get it or you don't
but but we don't know I don't know
scientists and researchers don't know
more stuff has to be done on this that
yeah that's a little outline of my
childhood I'm sure I've missed loads out
I can't really think at the moment
oh yeah cuz I mentioned like my mum and
dad and my dad was an alcoholic did I
used to see violence and fighting not
really I open bigger arguments I
remember big big arguments shouting
maybe some pushing but never punching or
hitting or anything
I remember one bad argument when my mum
grabbed me grabbed my brother and ran
next door to a neighbor and we sat in
the neighbor's house but I must have
been three or four no no three because
my brother was like one something
younger um but I suppose just that for a
child even though it's just shouting
it's really terrifying
and especially as like I said I do
believe that my emotions have always
been super intense saying yes I hope
that answered that question as good as
could be
all right guys take care bye