I was an extrememely jealous person who would cling on to both partners and also friends!

Transcript:
hi guys today I am going to talk about
borderline personality disorder and
jealousy and being clingy and putting
that person up on a pedestal idolizing
them I have had quite a few requests for
this video actually from different
people so I'm sure I have touched on
this subject in other videos about
relationships and then I know my recent
jealousy one I did on being jealous of
your partner's ex or have your partner's
past but this is more about jealousy in
general and you have been Kingi that was
me clearly making it clingy and it's a
horrible way to be I was like so needy
in relationships I would put someone on
a pedestal I think they're so amazing
and in my eyes they could do no wrong
but obviously at some point they're
going to and that was always bad day
haha but I was very very clingy I would
have to be with the partner all the time
even if like they had a job luckily for
me
mostly they I that they had their own
little business so I could just go along
with them all they were drug dealers and
then I could hang around with them too
so I would just want to be with them
constantly day night I'd fold them round
I didn't want to leave their side and I
would drive them completely nuts I think
if obviously of when you're clinging to
someone like that and they start pulling
away about but for me the jealousy would
really kick in cannot start thinking
they want to be with someone else they
are being with someone else
and it's really painful place because
jealousy literally eats you up inside
like odd feel it I in my stomach
I feel sick constantly and is like a
little monster that lives inside you and
the more you're jealous the more you're
feeding that monster and it will grow
and grow and grow and it doesn't go away
and to stop you need to just say like
for me one day my ex-husband I was like
you'd only been together I think a year
at the time like we were together over
10 years and I was just like I'm gonna
drive him away this is doing me no
favors I need to stop this now and
whenever my mind starts going there I
need to distract myself I cannot be
jealous so because I knew it was just so
bad for me and I did I just made that
decision and it was hard to start with
but it got easier and easier and easier
and to the point that I just wasn't
jealous he would walk my friend's home
life we'd been out and like without me
there I would never question anything he
had female friends he might go to lunch
with a female friend and I didn't feel
jealous because I kind I really built up
that trust to be fair I think that's why
it possibly hit me so bad when he broke
the trust but I haven't laid completely
destroy my future because I know not
everyone is like that not everyone does
break trust and just because he did that
to me I mind ain't gonna let the
jealousy back in my life and let it eat
away at me again and I'm not willing to
do that don't get me wrong I get my
moments like I've said in other videos
particularly like when I'm suffering
with life suffering with the pregnancy
really bad isn't it
and when I'm pregnant I notice I think
it's because I'm getting bigger and I'm
not fitting the clothes and my
self-esteem starts going down and my
mental health starts going down and I
can start getting that little monster
back in my stomach but I don't let it
control me today and I'm very good just
kicking it out and saying no no I'm not
I'm not being jealous this is ridiculous
you're with someone that you trust
because if you don't have trust in
relationship we really don't have a
relationship
you will drive that person away um I am
NOT needy today I do not follow my
partner around I do not have to be with
him constantly
but like years ago I could never imagine
that I wouldn't be like that I could
never imagine that I would let my
partner go to work without me that I
wouldn't have to phone them that when
they're at home I wouldn't have to like
literally be following them around the
house when they go to bed I'd have to go
to bed when they got a hard want to get
up like oh I could never imagine that
but it's happened and I'm not needy and
I'm not clingy and it's really freeing
and it's a lovely feeling and the fact
that I can do it means you can do it as
well
borderline personality disorder and
jealousy it isn't just with
relationships like romantic
relationships
oh really sweet the love I could get
like it with friends if I had my best
friend I could get very clingy with them
and start going around the house all the
time and then if one day a fiance only
come over and there are oh I'm just
doing this I would like feel really hurt
like rejected like oh you don't want me
to come round oh you're doing something
else oh you have life
if I was to say to a friend shall we go
out Friday night and they said I can't
I'm going out with such-and-such like
another friend I'd feel like I was being
punched in the stomach like you'd rather
go out with her than with me but aren't
we best friend and I couldn't understand
it I didn't obviously say that but I
think I would be then a bit cold a bit
distant might make sake comments because
I didn't like them to have other friends
I wanted to be their only friend and
yeah like when I had a partner like
romantic partner I was less likely to be
like that with friends only because I
was too busy following my partner around
and being jealous of them but in their
times that I was single then I would
cling on to a friend and want them
around all the time expect them to know
how I'm feeling if I was having a bad
day and they didn't phone me I would
take that as her like they don't even
care they haven't even phoned me I'm
here wanting to die and they have any
info me I've never found their and told
them but I'm really having a bad day and
I just assumed
telepathically they would know and then
I'll get hurt when they didn't call am I
like that today no I've got healthy
friendships today and my healthy
friendships my friends they have other
friends and that's ok with me I don't
mind I will let them in of their lives I
do not need to be their life I do not
need to be their only friend so again if
I can do it you can do it with all these
things I think with the jealousy the
neediness the clingy nurse a lot of it
is to do with self-esteem
bad self-image which is one of the
borderline personal
to disorder traits once you start
learning to manage your borderline and
you start building your self-esteem it
doesn't happen overnight it is a process
it takes time you're not just going to
wake up one day be like yes I'm not
jealous I feel great
it is it is a process but if you stick
Elliot slowly it's slowly so you notice
these little changes to start with
what's one day you might your friend
might phone you when you're crying
whatever and you don't get hurt you
think it's just me busy and it's little
things like that to the point that
you're free of that you're free of those
horrid negative feelings that are
dragging you down
so yes recovery is possible
bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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