I have fabricated stroies most my life so people like me. I would also agree with anything anyone said just so they would accept me. I didn’t have my own opinion – and if I did I’d keep it to myself. In the end I didn’t even know what stories were true and which ones I had made up. People with BPD have a fear of abandonement and we go to any lengths to stop people abandoning us – even if it means telling lies or fabricating stories.
Transcript:
hi guys and you know the other day I did
a video on compulsive lying and
borderline personality disorder and a
girl called leader got a lider I'm sorry
if I'm pronouncing that wrong and left a
message a comment talking about lies
that she tells her people like her and
she kind of inspired me to do this video
so thank you because that was something
I don't think I covered the lies we tell
just so people like us and that has been
something that I have done my whole life
when I was 5 or 6 years old so I was in
primary school I told my teacher that my
dad was an airline pilot my dad worked
at the airport but he wasn't an airline
pilot and and the teacher was fascinated
by this so I obviously I fed off that
like she thinks it's good I was like the
talking point sharina's dad sure his
dad's an airline pilot yeah he travels
all over the world and I went on and on
with the story to the point that the
teacher was like do you think your dad
would come in and talk to the class and
I said yeah because I don't know I just
guessed it wouldn't happen well it
couldn't happen unless my dad came in
and talked about his job at the airport
which I think was something to do with
our gauge hey big car remember sorry dad
yeah so the teacher phone my mom and
said we were wondering if mr. Rooney
would come in and talk about his job and
my mom was like uh why and they're like
the teachers have the whole class of
fast
hated him being an airline pilot and my
mom had to tell her she doesn't know
where that story came from he wasn't an
airline pilot so now he wouldn't be
coming in to discuss being an airline
pilot um but I remember I just I was
like the talk of the class and everyone
was fascinated and asking me questions
and it made me feel good it made me feel
wanted
part of accepted and so as far back as
then like probably even before I was
fabricating these stories so people
liked liked me and an embarrassing thing
happened true story when I was 18 and I
had a boyfriend I got a boyfriend he was
new and he told me he liked to pack and
he liked to packs music now I was too
embarrassed to say oh I've never heard
of him
so I said oh yeah I really like him too
I went to his concert last year to which
he replied how did you manage that and I
said I hope my just went with friends up
to London yes I didn't know 2pac was
dead I didn't know who he was um so
there are times that my stories have got
me I'm stuck but it didn't stop me going
on and fabricating more stories and they
weren't always just big elaborate
stories that would make people think wow
and sometimes it was just tiny things
like someone could say they watched a
film and they liked it what do you like
ask me what I thought and I'd go yeah
yeah it was really good if I haven't
seen it I'd say that if I'd seen it and
hated the film I would still say that
err because I've mentioned in other
videos it kind of again is down to this
fear of abandonment that we have and we
want people to like us we want to feel
accepted and we want we think if people
like us and accept us they're not going
to abandon us and this fear is so real
that we do go to any length and and like
I said it can be big made-up stories
that we tell to little things like
saying we like a certain outfit we like
a certain music we've been to somewhere
where we have them and just so people
like us like we're agreeing with them
like yeah yeah yeah I do yeah
I do even if we don't and it wasn't
until I got into recovery that I started
building my self-esteem because when the
borderline was completely out of control
I had very low self-worth I had a real
warped sense of self because I told so
many little lies about things that I
liked that didn't in the end it got to
the point that I didn't even know what I
did like because I think do I like that
or have I just said it and sometimes
I'll find myself putting on music and
like going like this and thinking - like
this or I might just listening to this
because I've got people in the car that
like listening to this so I want to seem
like yeah I listen to good music just
because they like it when actually it's
not my sort of thing and so yeah I
didn't know who I was I didn't know what
I liked and then I came into recovery
and I started building my self-esteem
and questioning things like do I like
that and finding a voice basically
nowadays
if a friend says to me I watch this film
what do you think it was really really
good
and I didn't like it I wouldn't think
twice is saying how could you like that
was awful it was rubbish and but you
know what the amazing thing is my friend
doesn't abandon me when I say that
people don't all of a sudden say oh you
don't like that music oh I thought you
did or don't like you then people don't
do that they still accept me accept me
even though I don't like what they like
I don't have to like what they like and
so it's been a real eye-opener so all
these years I've just tried it I've
tried it tried it I've tried it to fit
in and I didn't have to do that because
I can fit in we're all different we're
all original unique and that's okay
that's what makes the world go round I
suppose and and I don't have to like
everything that everyone else likes
imagine how boring the place would be if
everyone liked exactly the same thing I
know it's really hard especially like
when you're in your teens and you're at
school and you're kind of trying to find
your place like where you fit in and so
it's very easy to just start saying yeah
like this I like that too Finn because I
remember when I was at school if anyone
was a bit different or had a unique
ideas oh they're different from us and
it's so unfair it's like what school can
be a really cool place well that was my
experience anyway but yeah that was the
amazing thing with recovery I have a
voice I have an opinion I don't have to
follow what everyone else says or do
what everyone else says or like what
everyone else likes I can be me and it
has taken a timed like it has taken a
while to find out who I am what I like
because for so
I didn't know it got to the point with
me that I told so many stories there
when I got into recovery and I would go
to tell a story because I told it so
many times before and then I'd just stop
myself and think did that actually
happen we'll have I made that whole
thing up and I don't even know because
it's almost become real to me because
I've totaled the same thing time and
time again and and even today there's
some things I tell nothing actually I
don't think that happened but it is nice
having a voice today and being able to
be myself and still be accepted and not
get abandoned and it's really freeing
and it feels really really good
so right guys I'm gonna leave it there I
love you all loads back
a video on compulsive lying and
borderline personality disorder and a
girl called leader got a lider I'm sorry
if I'm pronouncing that wrong and left a
message a comment talking about lies
that she tells her people like her and
she kind of inspired me to do this video
so thank you because that was something
I don't think I covered the lies we tell
just so people like us and that has been
something that I have done my whole life
when I was 5 or 6 years old so I was in
primary school I told my teacher that my
dad was an airline pilot my dad worked
at the airport but he wasn't an airline
pilot and and the teacher was fascinated
by this so I obviously I fed off that
like she thinks it's good I was like the
talking point sharina's dad sure his
dad's an airline pilot yeah he travels
all over the world and I went on and on
with the story to the point that the
teacher was like do you think your dad
would come in and talk to the class and
I said yeah because I don't know I just
guessed it wouldn't happen well it
couldn't happen unless my dad came in
and talked about his job at the airport
which I think was something to do with
our gauge hey big car remember sorry dad
yeah so the teacher phone my mom and
said we were wondering if mr. Rooney
would come in and talk about his job and
my mom was like uh why and they're like
the teachers have the whole class of
fast
hated him being an airline pilot and my
mom had to tell her she doesn't know
where that story came from he wasn't an
airline pilot so now he wouldn't be
coming in to discuss being an airline
pilot um but I remember I just I was
like the talk of the class and everyone
was fascinated and asking me questions
and it made me feel good it made me feel
wanted
part of accepted and so as far back as
then like probably even before I was
fabricating these stories so people
liked liked me and an embarrassing thing
happened true story when I was 18 and I
had a boyfriend I got a boyfriend he was
new and he told me he liked to pack and
he liked to packs music now I was too
embarrassed to say oh I've never heard
of him
so I said oh yeah I really like him too
I went to his concert last year to which
he replied how did you manage that and I
said I hope my just went with friends up
to London yes I didn't know 2pac was
dead I didn't know who he was um so
there are times that my stories have got
me I'm stuck but it didn't stop me going
on and fabricating more stories and they
weren't always just big elaborate
stories that would make people think wow
and sometimes it was just tiny things
like someone could say they watched a
film and they liked it what do you like
ask me what I thought and I'd go yeah
yeah it was really good if I haven't
seen it I'd say that if I'd seen it and
hated the film I would still say that
err because I've mentioned in other
videos it kind of again is down to this
fear of abandonment that we have and we
want people to like us we want to feel
accepted and we want we think if people
like us and accept us they're not going
to abandon us and this fear is so real
that we do go to any length and and like
I said it can be big made-up stories
that we tell to little things like
saying we like a certain outfit we like
a certain music we've been to somewhere
where we have them and just so people
like us like we're agreeing with them
like yeah yeah yeah I do yeah
I do even if we don't and it wasn't
until I got into recovery that I started
building my self-esteem because when the
borderline was completely out of control
I had very low self-worth I had a real
warped sense of self because I told so
many little lies about things that I
liked that didn't in the end it got to
the point that I didn't even know what I
did like because I think do I like that
or have I just said it and sometimes
I'll find myself putting on music and
like going like this and thinking - like
this or I might just listening to this
because I've got people in the car that
like listening to this so I want to seem
like yeah I listen to good music just
because they like it when actually it's
not my sort of thing and so yeah I
didn't know who I was I didn't know what
I liked and then I came into recovery
and I started building my self-esteem
and questioning things like do I like
that and finding a voice basically
nowadays
if a friend says to me I watch this film
what do you think it was really really
good
and I didn't like it I wouldn't think
twice is saying how could you like that
was awful it was rubbish and but you
know what the amazing thing is my friend
doesn't abandon me when I say that
people don't all of a sudden say oh you
don't like that music oh I thought you
did or don't like you then people don't
do that they still accept me accept me
even though I don't like what they like
I don't have to like what they like and
so it's been a real eye-opener so all
these years I've just tried it I've
tried it tried it I've tried it to fit
in and I didn't have to do that because
I can fit in we're all different we're
all original unique and that's okay
that's what makes the world go round I
suppose and and I don't have to like
everything that everyone else likes
imagine how boring the place would be if
everyone liked exactly the same thing I
know it's really hard especially like
when you're in your teens and you're at
school and you're kind of trying to find
your place like where you fit in and so
it's very easy to just start saying yeah
like this I like that too Finn because I
remember when I was at school if anyone
was a bit different or had a unique
ideas oh they're different from us and
it's so unfair it's like what school can
be a really cool place well that was my
experience anyway but yeah that was the
amazing thing with recovery I have a
voice I have an opinion I don't have to
follow what everyone else says or do
what everyone else says or like what
everyone else likes I can be me and it
has taken a timed like it has taken a
while to find out who I am what I like
because for so
I didn't know it got to the point with
me that I told so many stories there
when I got into recovery and I would go
to tell a story because I told it so
many times before and then I'd just stop
myself and think did that actually
happen we'll have I made that whole
thing up and I don't even know because
it's almost become real to me because
I've totaled the same thing time and
time again and and even today there's
some things I tell nothing actually I
don't think that happened but it is nice
having a voice today and being able to
be myself and still be accepted and not
get abandoned and it's really freeing
and it feels really really good
so right guys I'm gonna leave it there I
love you all loads back
Shehrina, I love all your blogs. But this one really resonates with my experience of so many of the guys I worked with. You really have a way of explaining the unexplainable and making sense of one of the guiltiest secrets clients shared with me.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
Soooo proud
Awwww! Thank you so much – it’s great to hear from you. You know you helped me so so much in my recovery. I will never be able to thank you enough – if only everyone had a therapist like you! Lots of Love and hope to see you in the not so distant future xxx