In this video I talk about the borderline personality trait of bad self image and how it affected me over the years.

hi I am going to talk about Buddha and
personality and the trait bad self-image
right so as a child I think I always saw
myself as a bit different from the rest
of the family
there are cousins and my brother they
were good and lovely in the family feel
they're amazing and I always felt like I
was a bit of the leftovers I was
the naughty one I was definitely the bad
sheep of the family and I was very aware
of that
I probably felt like that because I kind
of was actually and as I got older about
self-image grew and grew grew but I
didn't actually realize how bad it was
until I went to treatment for drug and
alcohol addiction when I was in
secondary um I think in primary as well
I did I basically was given self esteem
assignment because the counselor said I
had low self-esteem I didn't know this I
know I think my self seems alright so
they gave me this assignment I've got my
big folder here with all my working a
quick quick I had to write down first of
all all the negative things I say about
myself now I'm not gonna tell you all
because then I'm just showing you my
haha but I had I'm not successful at
anything I have nobody I trust I am
annoying I talk too much I hate my voice
my legs are too thin I have no bum I
look so old I am no fun I'm not
independent I'm paranoid I'm a mum
I let my family down
I'm miserable I talk ba ba ba and
the list literally goes on and on
right then I had to write down the
things I value about myself and it's a
really small list I've got I love my
children with all my heart I am loyal I
am generous
I care about others I'm friendly that
was it it was like looking at them I'm
generous I'm friendly it's like I was
was I doing these things to make people
like me because I hated who I was now I
wonder why did I not realize my
self-esteem was low and I also learnt
listen treatment that I would wear a
mask on actual masks
I put loads of makeup on put sky-high
heels on and I would play a character
and as that character I was kind of
protecting myself because actually I was
vulnerable I was anxious and then I
could be this person that could walk
around like I had confidence
it wasn't actually me and I didn't
realize that stripped that down
I was actually told in secondary that I
had to go without makeup and no heels
and it was awful to start with because I
felt so vulnerable I felt like people
could actually see me which they could
because I couldn't play this character
anymore and my bad self-image is it's
not there now I like the person I am
today but it's taken a lot of work I
don't think I'm perfect I can still pick
folds and but I'm a lot more accepting
and slowly I have built my esteem up I
no longer have to put that makeup along
with the time or wear those heels I'm
quite happy going makeup free wearing
trainers and at racquet and track suit
but I couldn't do that for a long time
before except when I was using I
wouldn't bother pin the mask on because
I was using drinking also access I
didn't leave the house so I could just
live in tracksuit with no makeup not
washing not washing my hair
because I was I had a really bad
self-image but I just didn't give a
basically but if you've got bad
self-image is you've got a look at the
thoughts you're telling yourself I'm CBT
cognitive behavioral therapy can come in
handy because you can really change your
thoughts and see what messages you are
sending you to yourself
and you'll be surprised because I know
from for myself I was constantly
negative talking myself and I didn't
even realize I was doing it believe that
they're like laughing lovelies
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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