hi I am going to talk about borderline
personality traits
today the trait I'm going to talk about
is intense emotions
the reason I've broken up is there's
quite a few different traits and if I
said so much the video would be never
ending I'd governed forever so I'm just
going to do into which the individual
right intense emotions and how they
affected me now my intense emotions
weren't just negative when I was happy
I'd be like why manic so happy like
hyper and because I was like that if I
came down slightly to normal I felt like
I'd hit a low and so I'd hit a low it
wasn't really the positive emotions that
cause me the problems it was the
negative ones like extreme anger home
extreme sadness I've suffered with these
intense emotions since I was really
young my mum tells me when I was like 2
years old
and she used to sing rockabyebaby to me
and when it got to the part when the
bough breaks the cradle will fall
I was cry and cry like uncontrollably
she said it was just really bizarre
every time the baby was fall I'd get so
upset another thing when I was a
slightly older I was about 6 and I
remember it so clearly
I'd gone outside I realize I've trod on
loads of ants and listened
I remember in my head thinking oh my god
I've trod on that ants mom and dad I've
killed all its family it might have no
one and I got so like I was
hyperventilating I ran up to my room and
I cried for an hour um and no one could
calm me down
literally one minute I could be fine and
feel really heard and the next like my
world came crashing down and it could be
the smallest thing that sent me over the
edge people didn't understand that oh
she was fine I mean
and they didn't understand like what was
going on in my head
I felt like I was constantly on an
emotional roller coaster and I hated it
wanted to get off the ride but couldn't
I remember when I was 9 or 10 at school
and getting in trouble by teach -
talking or something in class and the
devastation I felt the humiliation that
this teacher had pulled me out in front
of everyone and I flung everything off
my desk and ran out she came out of me I
pushed her and it was things like this
constantly throughout my teens I did as
well I went on a school trip to the Isle
of Wight thought I fell in love with
some instructor and when that we were
going home I didn't want to leave him I
felt like I was leaving the love of my
life and like the teacher was saying
come on Serena so I think I called her a
slag or when I absolutely lost it and
when not screaming
pushing her and I did things like that
throughout my life my first boyfriend
when I was 14 I found out he had some
girly magazines stashed away and
obviously you'd think he'd cheated on me
I tried to throw myself off a motorway
bridge then I ran into a field and I
started headed by a tree my head was
bleeding and I just couldn't control
that upset I think anyone around me it
was quite upsetting or disturbing for
them really because they couldn't
understand him
when I flipped out like this weather is
extreme anger and I attacked someone or
I brought the anger out myself this is
the times I would self-harm try to
commit suicide
I didn't understand why other people
didn't react like this I thought I was
normal and not once did I think will
they don't react like that because
they're not feeling it like I am I
didn't realise absalom my emotions are
completely different to theirs when I
feel sadness they have no idea how
intense so of course they're not going
to react like the way I am it was really
hard to live with because I didn't
understand and actually when I got the
diagnosis of borderline personality
finally I was like right okay now I know
I can understand a bit and I met other
people that suffered with there and
realized I wasn't alone but for me I
definitely think it was something that's
been with me for years and years but
they don't diagnose I think before the
age of twelve or something but the signs
were always there and those intense
emotions were always there so for me I
think I was born with her definitely I'm
gonna leave that there