In this video I talk about the intrusive thoughts I have had over the years and how they affected me.

hi today I'm going to talk about the
borderline personality trait intrusive
thoughts and paranoia because my with me
I just felt the intrusive thoughts never
stopped at times I felt like I was
absolutely going insane the intrusive
thoughts could be anything really like
telling myself something Bad's gonna
happen someone's gonna break into the
house someone's gonna attack you
someone's gonna attack your children to
alliterative I'm getting paranoid and
jumpy and thinking I've heard a noise
nice everyone
and this wasn't when I was using so it
wasn't like paranoid from drug use it
was it was just his paranoia I had it as
a child I used to always believe that
the house was gonna go on fire and so
every night I would get some clothes
some underwear and clothes for me my
brother happened for my mom and I put
them outside in my bed every night and I
did that for years because I was so
scared there's something I'm not get all
our photos or help from this as well
every night by the bed because I thought
I'd want to save all the pictures and
then me and my mom we can just put
clothes on and run out and get away from
this fire it effects like it's affected
me more recently since coming into a
recovery actually I still can get those
intrusive thoughts I particularly got
them when I was pregnant with my um
their child and I had something happen
in my past where someone I really really
trusted really really broke my trust and
I've kind of struggled to get over that
and now I kind of think it's always
gonna happen again it's made me quite
paranoid about that like my partner now
I struggle I struggle with trust I do
and so I was pregnant and the thoughts
were constantly he's cheating but I
could go to the shop and I think oh my
god he's got someone back in the flat
he's gonna be cheating on me and it was
almost like it he had already done it he
haven't you haven't done anything to
make me be wood but I literally felt
like he was and it was driving me insane
because I constantly feel that sick like
feeling no when something bad happened
you get that knot in your stomach you
think oh my god I'm gonna be sick and
all he was living like that day in day
out and I really really struggled with
it and if his phone beeped with that I
think I bet that's a gallon there so
that was one way more recently that it's
affected me since building my
self-esteem that's definitely helped
with the intrusive thoughts of that kind
and other things I used to think
something's gonna happen 20 your
children you they're gonna be in a car
accident this is gonna happen that it's
gonna happen
paranoid someone's gonna take them
paranoid of everyone around me not
trusting anyone and it can get you down
because these intrusive thoughts are so
negative and they're constant at you it
was like nothing could quiet in my mind
and obviously if you've got one tray
that's doing that that can lead to
another that could lead to impulsive
reckless behavior and obviously it's not
helping with yourself image so the
intrusive thoughts I think Probert
probably one of the worse things because
you can't get away from them it's there
constantly and I was starting to lose my
grip on reality on what was real and
what wasn't and I was believing the
thoughts and thinking these these things
happened on that they're very eminent
they were about to and I believe they
would I'm gonna leave that hey guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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