hi my lovelies today I'm going to talk
about borderline disorder getting rid of
the personality remember it's nothing
wrong with our personalities and
addiction now you know that I have
suffered drug addiction and addition
with alcohol I got asked the other day
by someone I'm sorry I don't remember
who did I didn't write it down
and that do you still drink and my
answer is yes I touch alcohol but very
very occasionally I had a glass of
champagne at my cousin's wedding in July
and I think I had a Shandy over the
summer at some point but before that the
last time I had a drink was lost
Christmas did I have one last Christmas
no I didn't it was my my brother's
wedding in Ireland in last October so as
you can see I don't drink on a
day-to-day basis I don't drink up
weekends
it is literally months and months apart
and I have one and I leave at that and
the reason I leave out that is I could
not think of anything worse than feeling
tipsy even slightly out of it and I
don't want to feel out control I
couldn't think for anything worse than
waking up with a headache and a hangover
so I just I don't I feel so much
healthier and happier without drink but
there was a time it was a problem and
there was a time that drugs were a
problem for me as well today I don't
touch drugs at all but the alcohol
months and months apart like I just said
I have done a video before I think it
was called different types of addicts I
don't know if any of you seen that I
think it's in my playlist alcoholism and
drug addiction and basically I talk
about different kinds of addicts because
I talk about there's some people they
can touch a drug and get physically
addicted to it but once they actually
get a little bit clean time they can
possibly use that drug again and not
become addicted like they did before the
same with alcohol some people can drink
drink drink
seem to have a real problem get a little
bit of clean time and then go and drink
without having a problem just drinking
occasionally then we have the type of
addicts alcoholics
now I mentioned in the big book of
Alcoholics Anonymous and these addicts
cannot stop using and they will never
use successfully as in they will never
use and not have a problem so they have
to stay abstinent and and they talked
about having a spiritual awakening
because it is a disease of the mind the
body and the soul and they say you can
get the physical addiction the mind
which is constantly telling you you can
drink successfully when you can't and
the soul they're very from these stuff
Alex are full of resentment
they hate the world and they kind of
need to get rid of all this stay clean
live a spiritual life and then they can
get free from drugs and alcohol and then
I talked about addicts that might have a
mental health disorder such as
borderline um and I believe this was the
sort of addict I was I used drugs and I
use drink because
it was the train impulsive reckless
behavior which is part of borderline it
was my coping mechanism because my
emotions were so intense I couldn't deal
with life I was full of insecurities my
self-esteem was on the floor so I
frankly alcohol
I used loads of drugs and it made me
feel like a different person
and I kind of felt like I was in control
I felt like I could cope for this type
of addict I believe you need to focus on
the mental health disorder as opposed to
the addiction I went into rehab and I
got some playing time and that's the
great thing it's getting that clean time
behind you but it's very easy to relapse
and for me I got that clean time and
then I focused on my DBT skills for the
borderline I tried doing 12-step
meetings and they were fantastic to a
certain extent but the borderline was
still there and while that was still out
of control I still risks relapsing
whether I was doing 12-step meetings or
not so I came away from the meetings and
I decided to sell my channel start
focusing on my DBT skills and it since I
focused on that that the thought has
just gone I don't I don't want to use I
don't want to use alcohol I don't want
to use drugs
I feel happy in myself which is
something that I never was and and I I
can have a drink and unlike the addicts
that they talk about in the big book of
Alcoholics Anonymous I can have one
drink put it down
not even think about it again whereas
the antics in the products Anonymous is
once you have that one you set off that
craving and you even if you don't have
another you will be thinking about it
until eventually you pick up again but I
don't have that I can have a drink and
then just put it down and leave it and I
believe that is because I put my
borderline recovery first I mean I'm all
for 12-step meetings I have seen how
they work my partner I'm saying like
that he's not even that he's at work and
he stuck with the 12-step fellowship as
I came away we dope doing fantastically
in our recoveries even though we've saw
it can hit me taking different pathways
to our recovery but he possibly needed
the 12-step because I believe with
different types of addicts aware as he
won't ever drink or ever use again by
well I won't ever use drugs again but I
feel safe when I have one I don't feel
oh my god this is great out of control
it's just I just don't think about it
like I said it might be to do a toast at
wedding um right did this year I'm just
not interested but I think when we have
borderline we have all the traits we
have our fear of abandonment we
constantly think people are going to
leave us and that fills us with fear and
we get very clingy and we can become
hurt very easily and we kind of invent
our own coping skills and they can be
using drugs and drinking they can be
self-harm they could be sex with
strangers they can be gambling they can
be all these things and there are our
methods to cope but when we change we
learn skills to cope helpful skills to
put in place we then we can replace all
those
negative skills because we don't need
them anymore and we can actually then
see they cause us more harm than they're
worth and that's why I believe it's
important we have these skills because
we can't just think we're going to sort
out the borderline and not use and not
drink and not gamble not do all these
things we we have to have something to
replace them with if we don't have
anything to replace them with we'll
always go back to them it's because what
that's what we know right babies cry
she's not very well she's my little
coffin temperature so I'm going to go my
lovelies but what love you all