I used to HATE the fact that a partner had a past. The thought that they had been with anyone else (even though it was before I’d ever met them!) made me feel really angry at them!
hi guys this is my next video I'm trying to be quick because the kids are on the way home and it would be chaos soon I mean I would do the video with them here running around but you wouldn't hear me so I'm going to talk about jealousy in relationships when you've got borderline personality disorder I don't even think it's just for online personality disorder because what you find a lot of people can have a few of the book BPD traits but not actually meet the BPD criteria I think everyone at some point has some of the traits so it's not just for us but it's something that we deal with a lot yeah jealousy but not just jealous like my man's gonna cheat mom as we connect that girl jealous over your partner's ex or jealous over your partner's past now I used to have boyfriends and it used to really piss me off that they had a past I mean everyone's got past I've got a past past that I'm not very proud of really but everyone has a past but it used to really anger me I couldn't bear the thought that my partner would have been with someone else I mean luckily I don't feel that now because at my age I'm very highly unlikely to meet someone that has never been with someone before it is kind of it just everyone's been with someone pretty much and it's accepting that but it's really hard I used to get so jealous I am very lucky and the fact that back when my BPD was completely controlling my life there wasn't really social media I mean it would started it's not like social media is now if it had been I would have been on social media stalking my boyfriend's exes that's what I would have done but I couldn't do that so instead I would search around the house see if they have any photos and if they had any photos that to me would be proof well they still love her they want to be with her now obviously everyone's that passed and yes he might have been with someone but I like to think now that people move up like if someone's not with someone they're not going to go well I'll get with someone not as good they all I think they've get with someone better so if you are going through it and you were the new girlfriend you are a step up and it is reminding yourself for that but our self-esteem is low low low low and we are life filled with insecurities and in our head we think well if they were with that person that's the sort person they like now I know for me that if I had a boyfriend and he had an ex who was blond I wouldn't think well he likes blondes and brunettes because I'm brunette and he's with me I would think he likes blondes and I would go and bleach my hair and look like a complete moron because it doesn't suit me and be blunt because I would have it in my head that they've still wanted their ex not me and it makes absolutely no sense looking back now or hang on I'm the current girlfriend hello and that's what I would say to you your partner is with you it's really hard because I know we can look back I mean I got to the point that I used to blame my pants that I'll bet you Banco view of X and I hated doing it and I hated doing it because the last thing I wanted to do like was put a thought of his ex in his head because then I'd say it and then I'd beat myself up and think well he's going to now because I've mentioned it he's definitely going to now and it was completely crazy thinking and basically you've just got to stop if you are from a stalk from a social media asking about them it's basically your mind doing your own mind head in a lady that used to run the treatment centre I went to you used to say do your mind is like a bad part of town do not go there on your own and that makes sense to me now because if I was on my own and I have social media and I was in that place I'll start thinking I find a picture of his excellent oh she's so pretty I'll find a better picture da da da and it's like I had this little nasty horrid little monster inside me and every time I did something it would feed that monster and that monster will grow and grow and grow you won't get rid of that monster it is just going to grow you need to save right enough is enough it's really hard I'm not saying it's easy but next time you want to go and stalk them on social media or have a little dig because that's what I used to do have constant get dates that oh well you like blonds don't you like it constantly next time gonna do that stop yourself be conscious of it and think right distract do something to distract it could we go for a run it could be cook meal what you're funny Phil whatever but distract yourself and it isn't easy but as the days go on you will find that that monster because it is not getting fed it's getting smaller and smaller and smaller and then it's easier and easier for you because the way you're feeling is not helpful you could potentially damage a perfectly good relationship you've got to remember your partner is with you they're not with you want you to be with someone else they want to be with you that I know what it's like because we make it really hard on ourselves and we actually end up pushing them away because we're constantly on and on and on and I think I Drive I would drive in on that but um it is kind of recognizing it recognizing this is not helpful it is about finding recovery if you've got borderline personality disorder and you start getting treatment what you'll find is your recovery process goes on your confidence will build your self-esteem will build and a those insecurities naturally just go away anyway but it takes time it's not going to happen straight away but in the meantime you have to just start making a conscious effort to just be aware that it's just a thought and letting it go thinking don't be stupid oh you think oh he likes his there no why would he like his actual ease with you you're stunning you know and just accepting he is with you and you have the potential to destroy this relationship by getting so wound up about his past and angry at him for having a past when actually you need to focus on the present I've said it before so often we are either so eaten up with guilt or resentments from our past and dwelling on that so much or we're so eaten up worrying about the future he's gonna leave me he's gonna cheat on me he's gonna go of my ex and I would say to you do you have a crystal ball are you a fortune-teller say how do you knew that know this you don't it's your mind it is your mind and your mind is out to get you and when you start thinking like that when you start going into the past or you start going into the future just bring your mind straight back think no focus on the here and now that's where mindfulness comes in handy that's the DBT skill I learned and there's books on mindfulness a stress about keeping it in the moment ah I've just seen the car my kitties are back so I'm gonna have to wrap up its view but yeah you I think once your self-esteem starts building you'll realize you're worth so much more and why worried about someone damaged goods ah le vol ya like your partners with you they love you and you I know it's hard to see that but it is accepting that and I think it will get easier but you do have to make that conscious effort just to stop your mind driving you insane so I hope that helped if I missed anything out again feel free to message me and let me know and ask any questions but yeah have a wonderful wonderful weekend it's my partner's grandson's birthday this weekend so we came to his birthday I am going to my mom's and I am child free because the older two were at their dad's and my partner is having my youngest yeah so I've got a night off I'm not doing anything crazy I am going to my mum's I long gonna sit and spend some time with my little brother I say yo he's that play too but um yeah I think it's been some time with him and I'm really looking forward to it because it's my mom my stepdad my bro hold this my buzzer and I never get spend time with any of them and I mean my stepdads amazing as well he's done so much for me and my mom I'm so close with my mom but I never get to talk to her when the kids are here because I'm running out like a loon so I better go get my buzzer I have a great weekend and I'll be back on Monday yeah all right guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.