hi guys I'm gonna talk about
black-and-white thinking today I was
requested to do this video ages ago and
I've had a few requests for it so I
thought it's about time I get around to
doing it because my thinking is really
really really common with people with
borderline personality disorder I
suffered my plinking throughout my life
and even now I can sometimes think that
way but I'm much better at managing it I
notice what I'm doing and I can manage
it so what is black-and-white thinking
black-and-white thinking is also known
as splitting and is basically something
is all good or all bad or a person is
all good or all bad there is no
in-between there is no gray area it is
just all this all this it's very much
how a child thinks actually I know this
my children can be very black and white
because I could for example spend a
lovely day with the children take them
out get my scream get them chocolates
take them to the park have a great day
and my daughter will say to me
mommy you're the best mommy in the world
I'm so lucky I have you you're just the
best mommy you're so great but then we
get in the car and she says mommy I want
can I get those sweets and I'll say no
you've had treats all day
no more and she just turns I hate you
you're the worst mummy in the world and
so she goes from I'm great - I'm the
worst mummy in the world she doesn't
take into consideration the fact that
I've taken them out all day and I've
done all these nice things to them that
doesn't even come into it
I haven't done one bad thing I am evil
and the devil to her and that's what
black and white thinking is this
this I was like it with everything
especially partners I love my partner so
much but within minutes of them doing
something they might make themselves a
copper to you not ask me and then they
were the worst partner in the world I
wanted to leave them I hated them how
dare they do that to me
and I never took into consideration or
actually we just had a really nice day
together
they've taken me shopping they've done
this or whatever
none of that comes into it they didn't
make me a cup of tea they think of
themselves they're selfish and that's it
it's really hard one for the partners
because we can split so suddenly and
they can get so but a partner can get so
used to it but actually when we're being
oh you're so amazing they're still kind
of on eggshells like when's this gonna
change because they know we do change
just like that we will change and we
will eat their guts and it is hard for
us because we think we're right because
we literally cannot see the gray area to
ask those two things that that is it
that is the only options good bad that's
it and so when they start to warm up you
with us it's like confirming let's say
they are bad they are bad because now
they're arguing with us they're
questioning us um and it's not nice
because our emotions then all over the
place they never know what this how they
like where they stand my family never
knew where they stood
I think black-and-white thinking comes
because if you've done DBT we talked
about we've got the emotional mind and
the rational or logical mind people with
BPD or in emotional mind most the time
I'm going to run on our emotions we
don't think of things logically or
rationally we just go with those
emotions and DBT teaches you to how we
don't want to be all in rational like
this
Little Miss cold no emotions but we also
don't want to be run on these emotions
which we are so we need to get into wise
mind and it was from doing this and
learning skills that taught me this that
I started to manage my black and white
thinking and the splitting became less
and less and I did split less and less
and less but it wasn't overnight like
one day I was just fine and I can see
the gray area and everything was clear
all of a sudden I see the light it just
wasn't like that and like I said even
today I can sometimes be a bit dozen
white in my thinking like my partner can
do something we can have a great few
days he can do one little thing and
that's it he's the worst person in the
world but I've taught myself how to get
into wise mind and just stop for a
minute
I think hang on what are the facts here
rather than just running on this I can
slow myself down and I can think and
then I can start getting into melodical
mind my rational mind and from doing
that then I can change my thinking
basically because I do see there's a lot
in between black and white
there's loads and it's all this stuff
I'd be missing out on before so if I can
do it you can do it I'm gonna leave that
there today because my mind has gone
blank I hate that when that happens and
my mind just goes blank but yeah I will
love you and leave you and I'll be back
in the week guys bye