hi my lovelies today I'm going to talk
about borderline personality disorder
and cheating not very nice subject I
have had this request to do this video
of a couple of people actually both time
I think we guy both the guys and they
had girlfriends with borderline
personality disorder who cheated but
obviously it's not always that way
around sometimes the guy can have
borderline and do the cheating and
sometimes it's not even the person with
the borderline personality disorder that
does the cheating right so I decided to
do this video I said I'll take a couple
of weeks because well it's not that an
easy video for me to do for the simple
fact I'm not a cheater I've always been
quite loyal and so I can't make stuff up
that I haven't been through and say yeah
this is what went through my head
because I haven't been there I have
however been cheated on and it's so so
painful and I think that's possibly why
I just wanted to do this video because I
really feel for the people that have
messaged me because I just know just how
devastating is to be hurt like that so I
haven't done as much research as I
wanted because I wanted to do the video
quickly and so I've done a little bit
and I found a website that basically
said that there hasn't been research
done to prove that people would BPD
cheat it seems that people with
borderline personality disorder are just
as likely to cheat as people that don't
have it it is certainly not a borderline
personality disorder trait
but also from my research that I see a
lot of people writing online saying my
partner with BPD cheats all the time but
then you could argue loads of people
cheat maybe it's just on there because
at least if you have a partner who has
borderline personality disorder and they
cheat then you kind of think you've got
a reason for it because no one likes to
be cheated on and you would like to
think well actually if they did it
because of this it might make it
slightly less painful and easier to deal
with in your head so so does borderline
personality disorder make people cheat
like I said I haven't been a cheater and
I've had BPD but I also know that
sometimes a partner could hurt me
and it would hurt so bad that my mind
would start going and I would think you
know what I'm gonna cheat I'm gonna
cheat on you the difference is I never
followed through with her I never did it
but the thought was there so obviously
some people might have followed through
with that also for me my like number one
coping mechanism was drugs and alcohol
so if I was her or feeling emotional or
any kind of turmoil I would drink in
news drugs not all people with
borderline have that that might not be
their impulsive reckless behavior some
of them might drive like a maniac some
my self-harm some might go and sleep
with people because
sex is one of them sex is one of the
impulsive reckless behaviour and maybe
that could be the reason if someone's
struggling with their emotions they
tried to fix themselves and they do that
by having sex with someone now I know
for me that if I was really hurting or
feeling so like chaotic inside I didn't
want stop and think if I take drugs and
alcohol am I gonna hurt my loved ones am
I gonna hurt my family I just drank and
used and it'll be the same for people
that use sex is their coping mechanism
they're not gonna stop and think hang on
what are the consequences here we don't
think of the consequences that's why
it's impulsive we just do so if they're
really struggling that might be their
way of trying to fix their feelings
there was a girl who'd written something
online she was someone with borderline
and she cheated multiple times on her
boyfriend and she loved her boyfriend
and what she wrote she said when they
were together it was great but like when
he went off to work or had to do things
she felt a real void so she would try
and fill that by having sex with people
and having affairs because she was
trying to fix herself now I'm not saying
these behaviors right none of our
borderline personality disorder
behaviors on right we are sick people it
is an illness and it causes us to behave
in this horrible horrible way but I'm
not saying it's right but perhaps they
just that's their only coping mechanism
a big thing that we have we struggle
with fear of abandonment we get hurt
easily
and we don't deal with that pain very
well we retaliate and get nasty and turn
into monsters and but we are even though
we might all have borderline personality
disorder we're also all very different
people and our coping mechanisms are
different like I said mine was drinking
drugs some ones might be sex some ones
might be gambling they're all different
you get quiet bored lines that hold it
all in you get the loud borderline
thought myself that let it all out and I
do feel for anyone that's messaged me or
anyone that is cheated on because it is
just like I said absolutely devastating
and that is why I wanted to do this
video I would say to you like if you
were to say to me what should I do
Sherina tell me what should I do I love
this person but they keep cheating what
should I do
I would say first of all have they got a
diagnosis of borderline personality
disorder if they have are they getting
treatment if they're not why are they
willing to get treatment now if the
person you are with that is cheating on
you is willing to go and get treatment
then I would say stick it out things can
change it's a process don't expect
everything to change overnight but
clearly they're trying to help
themselves if your partner's like yeah
I've got borderline personality disorder
I don't want treatment I don't want
anything I can't be bothered and you
decide to stay with them then expect to
get hurt because it's inevitable
basically if you're staying there's
nothing to force you to stay with
someone like I'm jut there you can't
just use the borderline as an excuse
obviously it's a reason and it could be
a reason for their behaviour but if
they're not willing to work on that then
it's really down to you
how much are you willing to take if they
don't want to get treatment chances are
you're not going to see any changes
chances are you're gonna get hurt again
but only you can make that decision I
would also say couples counseling is
amazing I've done it and it's good in
the fact that usually it's all about the
person with the borderline talk chatting
with their therapist at least if you go
to some kinds of couples counseling you
can get your voice heard and just say
how you feel and it might be really
helpful for you just to let out and you
might be able to work through these
things together you might find that
actually the part of your partner
cheated not because of anything to do
with borderline but because there's
actual problems in your relationship
that you might not have even been aware
of
you might thought your relationships
perfect whereas your partner might
actually be really miserable and that's
why they're going off and cheating again
I'm not saying it's right because I
don't agree with cheat but people do it
and it might be a different problem it
might be maybe they're suffering with a
sex addiction which is again it could be
down to the borderline because we can
get different addictions but maybe that
their addiction and it is sex and like I
said with the drugs thing I wouldn't
want to stop and think of the
consequences I just do and maybe that's
what they're doing they just trying to
fix themselves some way but I would
definitely I think communication is key
you've got to be able to talk to each
other
and see that they're willing to accept
responsibility for the cheating and do
something about it go to treatment do
couples counseling because at the end of
the day this is your life as well and
you deserve to be happy too and you
should if you decide what I'll just put
up with it well that's your decision
then if you want to be treated that way
that is your decision but you don't have
to be you can put in boundaries and say
that this is not acceptable to treat me
like this and hopefully you'll be able
to work things through because there are
couples out there where someone is
cheated and it's actually in the
long-run balton closer together and they
go on and have an amazing relationship I
personally wasn't in all those people
but you do hear about it and you hear
about people that are in relationships
whilst they have borderline and then
they get treatment and they find
recovery and they can go on have that
happy healthy relationship with their
partner that previously they just never
had so yeah it's really kind of down to
you and how you feel no one can make
that decision for you I think yes
they're cheating can be down to the
borderline and some of the various
traits but that doesn't excuse it it
doesn't mean it has to carry on because
you don't have to put up with it but
just see if they're willing to get
treatment and they do want help then
maybe it is worth fighting for your
relationship so I hope that helped guys
yeah