Do people with BPD cheat more than other people? Can the BPD make a person cheat? What should you do?
hi my lovelies today I'm going to talk about borderline personality disorder and cheating not very nice subject I have had this request to do this video of a couple of people actually both time I think we guy both the guys and they had girlfriends with borderline personality disorder who cheated but obviously it's not always that way around sometimes the guy can have borderline and do the cheating and sometimes it's not even the person with the borderline personality disorder that does the cheating right so I decided to do this video I said I'll take a couple of weeks because well it's not that an easy video for me to do for the simple fact I'm not a cheater I've always been quite loyal and so I can't make stuff up that I haven't been through and say yeah this is what went through my head because I haven't been there I have however been cheated on and it's so so painful and I think that's possibly why I just wanted to do this video because I really feel for the people that have messaged me because I just know just how devastating is to be hurt like that so I haven't done as much research as I wanted because I wanted to do the video quickly and so I've done a little bit and I found a website that basically said that there hasn't been research done to prove that people would BPD cheat it seems that people with borderline personality disorder are just as likely to cheat as people that don't have it it is certainly not a borderline personality disorder trait but also from my research that I see a lot of people writing online saying my partner with BPD cheats all the time but then you could argue loads of people cheat maybe it's just on there because at least if you have a partner who has borderline personality disorder and they cheat then you kind of think you've got a reason for it because no one likes to be cheated on and you would like to think well actually if they did it because of this it might make it slightly less painful and easier to deal with in your head so so does borderline personality disorder make people cheat like I said I haven't been a cheater and I've had BPD but I also know that sometimes a partner could hurt me and it would hurt so bad that my mind would start going and I would think you know what I'm gonna cheat I'm gonna cheat on you the difference is I never followed through with her I never did it but the thought was there so obviously some people might have followed through with that also for me my like number one coping mechanism was drugs and alcohol so if I was her or feeling emotional or any kind of turmoil I would drink in news drugs not all people with borderline have that that might not be their impulsive reckless behavior some of them might drive like a maniac some my self-harm some might go and sleep with people because sex is one of them sex is one of the impulsive reckless behaviour and maybe that could be the reason if someone's struggling with their emotions they tried to fix themselves and they do that by having sex with someone now I know for me that if I was really hurting or feeling so like chaotic inside I didn't want stop and think if I take drugs and alcohol am I gonna hurt my loved ones am I gonna hurt my family I just drank and used and it'll be the same for people that use sex is their coping mechanism they're not gonna stop and think hang on what are the consequences here we don't think of the consequences that's why it's impulsive we just do so if they're really struggling that might be their way of trying to fix their feelings there was a girl who'd written something online she was someone with borderline and she cheated multiple times on her boyfriend and she loved her boyfriend and what she wrote she said when they were together it was great but like when he went off to work or had to do things she felt a real void so she would try and fill that by having sex with people and having affairs because she was trying to fix herself now I'm not saying these behaviors right none of our borderline personality disorder behaviors on right we are sick people it is an illness and it causes us to behave in this horrible horrible way but I'm not saying it's right but perhaps they just that's their only coping mechanism a big thing that we have we struggle with fear of abandonment we get hurt easily and we don't deal with that pain very well we retaliate and get nasty and turn into monsters and but we are even though we might all have borderline personality disorder we're also all very different people and our coping mechanisms are different like I said mine was drinking drugs some ones might be sex some ones might be gambling they're all different you get quiet bored lines that hold it all in you get the loud borderline thought myself that let it all out and I do feel for anyone that's messaged me or anyone that is cheated on because it is just like I said absolutely devastating and that is why I wanted to do this video I would say to you like if you were to say to me what should I do Sherina tell me what should I do I love this person but they keep cheating what should I do I would say first of all have they got a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder if they have are they getting treatment if they're not why are they willing to get treatment now if the person you are with that is cheating on you is willing to go and get treatment then I would say stick it out things can change it's a process don't expect everything to change overnight but clearly they're trying to help themselves if your partner's like yeah I've got borderline personality disorder I don't want treatment I don't want anything I can't be bothered and you decide to stay with them then expect to get hurt because it's inevitable basically if you're staying there's nothing to force you to stay with someone like I'm jut there you can't just use the borderline as an excuse obviously it's a reason and it could be a reason for their behaviour but if they're not willing to work on that then it's really down to you how much are you willing to take if they don't want to get treatment chances are you're not going to see any changes chances are you're gonna get hurt again but only you can make that decision I would also say couples counseling is amazing I've done it and it's good in the fact that usually it's all about the person with the borderline talk chatting with their therapist at least if you go to some kinds of couples counseling you can get your voice heard and just say how you feel and it might be really helpful for you just to let out and you might be able to work through these things together you might find that actually the part of your partner cheated not because of anything to do with borderline but because there's actual problems in your relationship that you might not have even been aware of you might thought your relationships perfect whereas your partner might actually be really miserable and that's why they're going off and cheating again I'm not saying it's right because I don't agree with cheat but people do it and it might be a different problem it might be maybe they're suffering with a sex addiction which is again it could be down to the borderline because we can get different addictions but maybe that their addiction and it is sex and like I said with the drugs thing I wouldn't want to stop and think of the consequences I just do and maybe that's what they're doing they just trying to fix themselves some way but I would definitely I think communication is key you've got to be able to talk to each other and see that they're willing to accept responsibility for the cheating and do something about it go to treatment do couples counseling because at the end of the day this is your life as well and you deserve to be happy too and you should if you decide what I'll just put up with it well that's your decision then if you want to be treated that way that is your decision but you don't have to be you can put in boundaries and say that this is not acceptable to treat me like this and hopefully you'll be able to work things through because there are couples out there where someone is cheated and it's actually in the long-run balton closer together and they go on and have an amazing relationship I personally wasn't in all those people but you do hear about it and you hear about people that are in relationships whilst they have borderline and then they get treatment and they find recovery and they can go on have that happy healthy relationship with their partner that previously they just never had so yeah it's really kind of down to you and how you feel no one can make that decision for you I think yes they're cheating can be down to the borderline and some of the various traits but that doesn't excuse it it doesn't mean it has to carry on because you don't have to put up with it but just see if they're willing to get treatment and they do want help then maybe it is worth fighting for your relationship so I hope that helped guys yeah
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.