hi my lovelies today I'm doing a video
request from Laura hi Laura and Laura
asked me to talk about borderline
personality disorder and domestic abuse
now this is quite a sensitive subject so
I did I just I went on Google and I
typed MVPD and domestic abuse and I was
quite shocked to find like everything
that came up was about the person with
borderline personality disorder being
the abuser and I know from Dora's
message to me this wasn't the way around
she has borderline personality disorder
but she was not the one that was the
abuser she was abusing the abused and
then and I know I've experienced
domestic abuse before myself and but
there were no cases of the personal
borderline getting abused it was all
just old they they are the abusers
basically and I thought oh my god that's
so unfair because I know a lot of people
with borderline and none of them have
been up users but they have been abused
so I'm going to talk about this subject
anyway because there is a touchy subject
I will talk about my experiences um with
my first ever boyfriend I don't know I
did a video I don't know about my first
ever boyfriend but there was sexual
abuse involved and there was emotional
abuse and there was physical abuse I did
not see it though I have I didn't see it
even with the sexual abuse ohanga I was
young I was 14
I never had a partner for I didn't know
what was I just I just thought that was
what it was basically and it's any kind
of looking back now I see it for what it
was and I have had other relationships I
have said before like I was not a sane
um I was the sole person that I would
fight and yell and scream and shout and
there was one boyfriend and it's Lucy
every time we went to the pub we would
be out fighting in the middle of the
green outside and attacking each other
and then I was in another relationship
with an older guy and it was it was
horrendous basically I think he just
wanted to control me I should have
noticed the warning signs because the
girlfriend had before me ended up on a
mental health ward when I mean him broke
up I ended up a mental health ward and
he had another girlfriend one time I was
in the mental health field and I saw her
come on imagine what I saw
is he turning his flank is he sending us
this way but I mean I don't have any
hatred now but it was the sort
relationship that he would control me
like he would control me with drugs he I
got a real-world addiction and it would
be you're not having any until you've
got the house charlie are you not going
out I wasn't allowed out or to see
people or if I was going to go out he'd
make it clear that all eyes were
watching me so people would know where I
was and
and I remember I don't really remember I
remember we had a fight and I was
shouting and I don't I don't think like
he wrestled me or Huntley he just threw
me basically on the floor but it broke
my arm my arm broke and I had to go to
hospital and I stayed with him after
that and made lies to people about how
it happened I had fallen but I think
people knew and I hadn't just fallen
obviously there were a few trades people
that he'd confide in um I'm I'm just
saying this he like I don't really like
going in from the past and it's not I
don't know why I just don't and yeah I
just don't really um but I was I'm
basically telling you this so you kinda
get an idea of what I've kind of thought
people are family I have been with a lot
of people that would put me down
call me long name this made me feel
really really ugly and bad about myself
pretty much all the time I always kind
of went for a bad boy and I think it was
because the borderline my self-esteem is
on the floor I would look to the bad boy
and think that he could protect me and
that he'd be strong and he would defend
me and he would be my knight in shining
armor but inevitably they would always
turn on me and I wouldn't get protected
but I still wouldn't be able to leave
because while the abuse was kind of
going on I didn't I didn't see it I
didn't
realize I suppose and I don't know if I
always did think they do love me they do
love me yeah and I wouldn't leave so
anyway enough of that negativity sorry I
shouldn't laugh it's yeah I just don't
like talking about it because I'm in a
different place I am today but I know
for me I not at the time I think how
like there's quite a few guys like this
maybe it's me maybe I'm pushing them but
I'm in recovery now and that that does
not cut it with me
yeah I might have been out to push them
breaking someone's are put them down
constantly I don't think that's the best
just not right basically so I said I'll
do this for Laura well I'm going to
discuss this topic because there is
emotional abuse in sexual abuse and
there is physical abuse and I really
don't believe that anyone is worse than
another one abuse is abuse and it can
come in all kinds of forms as well like
the emotional abuse can often come very
subtly and so like when it would happen
with me I just say a prod would say I
don't you sing fund
I don't you see I wouldn't think oh
they're trying to cut me off from the
outside world I think I thought there
was a little bit I'm with me and I just
I didn't see the warning signs my
friends would be seeing the warning
signs where I did not see them and
the emotional abuse like I said it can
like with physical abuse it's out like
he punished me he slapped me he pulled
my hair he pinched me drugs strangle me
or whatever and with the sexual of music
for he raped me he did this he did that
wrong he forced me to do this he forced
me to death but with the emotional abuse
it's what can grind you down slowly
slowly over a long period of time
constantly you ain't old you're ugly you
look like shit no one would ever want to
go with you you're damaged goodness now
da da da da da I'm hearing stuff like
that I mean our self-esteem is on the
floor anyway and when we told to these
kind of things over and over again for a
long time we actually start to believe
them and we start to think oh my god I
couldn't go with anyone else I I have to
be with this person now and maybe I
should be lucky that they want to be
with me because our thinking which I'm
so distorted and so warped because of
the subtle emotional abuse that we are
going through we don't we do we do we
saw we do start to believe what they are
saying if you have children involved as
well I think possibly for a lot of
people this can went some kind of abuse
happens and it's in front of the
children or to the children that's when
a lot of people take right enough is
enough I'm leaving but sometimes even
then they can't I would say if you're
kinda in any kind of abusive
relationship there is hope out there
abuse is abuse doesn't matter how it
comes if it's knocking your self-esteem
and your self-worth you kinda need to
get out of that relationship and I know
it's easier said than done because I
have beat there where everyone has told
me to leave someone and I just didn't
listen for the hug had to kind of find
out the hard way and learn for myself
and but you can move on from the
relationship you will meet someone else
chances aren't depending on what kind of
abuse you suffered chances aren't there
might be some kind of post-traumatic
stress disorder going on under one of my
closest friends she suffered at the
hands of her ex-boyfriend and it caused
post-traumatic stress disorder so
especially if you've been in this
relationship for a while or if it's been
a really violent outburst or something
and get counseling for this go to
therapy talk to someone about this you
do not just have to bottle it all up
because also when we move on if we do
bottle it all up we bring it into other
relationships with us and I know that my
partner was joking for me last night
because like I'm not cuddly person like
and he'll go up and he'll go like this
on my arm something a lot and I don't
even know I'm doing it if I just remove
his arm and I put it down and walk away
and he was like joking around with me
last night saying right this is what you
do this is what you do to the news doing
what the stopping off on that and I
don't even know I do it but that's the
that is the thing we can bring these
things into future relationships and we
don't want to do that and obviously I
still bring stuff into the relationship
and that I'm often not even aware that
I'm doing and he says I do it all the
time
that he'll come up and give me a hug and
I just gave I just get out of his grip
and walk off I I really I'm not aware
that I do that but um get counseling get
help this women refuges I'm sure you
will be able to talk to other women that
have gone through the same thing I'm
sure they must be kind of that kind of
information online I personally don't
have the information to give you and I'm
sorry but you are worth so much more you
do not need someone controlling your
life or telling you what to do or
knocking your self-esteem or stopping
you've seen your friends and living your
life and if someone is trying to do this
so much might be trying to change you
telling you you need to change hair
color telling you you need to lose
weight or put away or ever don't put up
with it because it will grind you down
and you you don't deserve it especially
if you're suffering with borderline
personality disorder you're suffering
with your mental health anyway you're
suffering anyway why why put up with
anything else but at the same time I
know when we have mental health issues
when we have borderline personality
disorder our self-esteem is so far on
the floor that often we don't think
we're worthy or anything better but I'm
here to tell you that you are and if a
person is abusing you they don't love
you no matter how much you tell yourself
harms or they love me they don't because
if they did they'd love you for who you
are they wouldn't try and make you do
things they could say things to you or
do whatever they're doing and so you do
need to break free and that's if
children are involved with children
aren't involved if children are involved
you might need extra support there and
ask for help don't feel that you can't
for helping you've got to live in fear
from this person so it's kind of being
honest and talking to people about it
which is scary which is very scary but a
lot of the time we know deep down that
it's wrong and we know deep down that we
shouldn't be with this person but
something just keeps making us go back
but then nothing is going to change if
we keep doing that and we kind of need
to say right okay I'm gonna make the
change here I am going to walk away and
it is really really important that you
do and one day you will look back and
you'll be so much stronger for it but if
you don't walk away you will just get
worn down so I'm gonna leave that there
lovelies and I will be back in the week
of your bye