I'm a lovely today I'm doing a video
request for Morticia Addams
hello Morticia and she asked me about
friends who have no understanding of us
our borderline and think we're mean they
think we manipulate dear etc and they
insult us for no reason right we're
gonna break that up what I've just said
into two bits yes we can have friends
that have no understanding of borderline
and we can have friends that think I
mean they think we're manipulative
because they don't understand borderline
personality disorder and we can come
across in that way it doesn't mean we're
genuinely meaning to be that way but we
can come across like that and so we can
have friends that think that about us
because they don't understand and it's
not even always their fault that they
don't understand borderline personality
disorder as you know has a big stigma
attached so maybe they've looked into it
and they've read really negative stuff
and so that is their understanding is
really negative about us but the issue
here that that I had a problem with was
they insult us for no reason
friends that insult us for no reason and
I am here to tell you that if you have a
friend who insults you for no reason
puts you down criticizes you is negative
about you all the time for no reason
they're not your friend they're not we
can have friends that might point out if
we've done something wrong for example
just say well I can I can give you an
example of what happens to me when I was
just drinking drinking drinking loads
and loads and notes and I had a friend
that say oh my god you're drinking so
much you're like not being a very nice
person with that that's not them
insulting me for no reason that's them
pulling me up from myself because of the
way I was behaving they were still being
a friend
just because they pointed out the truth
to me it doesn't mean they weren't my
friend because their reason behind it
they obviously could see I was without
him down a hill spiral and they wanted
to make me sit up and notice so they
told me about myself which wasn't nice
to hear coming from a friend but it was
something I needed to hear and they did
it for the right reasons if however I
had a friend that just constantly put
down everything I did constantly
criticizing not just my behaviors but
who I was as a person that's not friend
that is someone who is negative and will
SAP your energy they will completely
suck all the energy out of you all the
positivity out of you
and just leave you and it's important
for us to have a look at our friendship
groups because we as I'm all over the
place sorry right now we have this fear
of abandonment we want people to like us
and sometimes we accept people in I want
them to like us without even like
looking at the Friendship property and
thinking does this person have my best
interests at heart do you would they
want me to succeed because unfortunately
there are some people out there that
don't wanna see a friend succeed because
that would make them jealous they want
to hold their friends back and always
believe them and put them down to make
themselves feel better and if you have a
friend that is like this then they're
not friend and you deserve better than
that there's nothing wrong with you
cutting people out of your friendship
group if they are no good for you we
struggle with our self-esteem anyway we
don't need someone else constantly
knocking it chipping away away
chipping away our self-esteem chipping
away at our soul we don't need that we
do that ourselves
why don't we need something
to help us so I would suggest if you
have someone like that who claims to be
your friend that is actually draining
you of your energy think about cutting
them out cut them out your life because
they will be holding you back and you
don't need that you don't deserve that
and you'll find that you'll grow blossom
and be happier and then around and
they're no longer in your life and like
I said it's not just all friends that
have no understanding because
unfortunately lots of people don't
understand the borderline and it doesn't
mean because they don't understand it
they're a bad person or they're not good
friend and but often what I found as
well that true friends they want to
understand and they'll talk to you about
it and you'll be able to open up and
confide in them and they're willing to
listen to you friends that don't friends
that don't want to talk about their or
if you say about the borderline and
they're like well that's just what
you're saying like they cut off
basically trying to say you're just
making an excuse for your behaviors
possibly they're not actually a friend
because famous don't do that we and when
we're friends with someone we don't want
to knock their confidence chip away at
their self-esteem we want to see our
friends succeed we want to see our
friends do well we want to see our
friends be happy so like I said look
around your friendship group and think
what once truly would be happy if I was
happening and what ones are gonna be
there holding my hand on my journey to
happiness and which ones are gonna be
holding my hand
but pulling me back to stop me get in
there because if you've got friend
holding you back
let them go because they're not friend
and I actually just said to my
six-year-old son he was in here a second
ago I said if a friend was insulting you
and calling you names would you say they
were good friends
he's a no they're not a good friend I
said what would you say he said I tell
them to shut up
yes like we have to be picky we'll see
we have as friends I used to think I had
so many and I narrowed it down and down
and Allentown it's literally a handful
but you know what I'd rather a handful
of good decent people good friends that
care about me around me and loads of
people that were most in front rack me
down got a leaf out there a twice and
I'll be back in the week or next week
that sort of pay