hi I'm back and I'm gonna talk about
friendships because my friendships over
the years have kind of been strained
maybe I have taught in another video
about being bullied I went to a girls
school when I got bullied and that made
me very very wary of women so when I
left school I kind just hang around with
labs down the pub um I was this all girl
they're just sitting the pub and just
drink with the boys because I thought
boys can be trusted girls couldn't and I
decided that I didn't need girlfriends
but over the years I did have a few
girlfriends and it wasn't traveling in
to treat men that I realized what I was
like as a friend now I could do anything
for my friends
like I would bend over backwards and I'd
do anything I think they call it
people-pleasing but what I'd find I'd do
that and then over time I think well
then they're not doing that for me like
I'd expect to be rewarded I don't know I
don't know how I expected to be rewarded
but I would start having that resentment
build up like how I do everything I'm
such a good friend but I wouldn't tell
them about it I would just have that
horrid feeling inside until maybe I've
been out drinking my Beast decided to
come out and I'd be like you gay and not
rare up I don't have a big blazing
around and I wouldn't want to talk to my
friends for days
I would eventually make up and also I
noticed that I would see my friends on
my terms if I had a boyfriend
I just wouldn't bother I just wouldn't
see them I would make no effort
is that I just completely forget my
friendship until my relationship blew up
in my face and then I'd go running back
to my friend and then I'll be round
there all the time they wouldn't be able
to get rid of me I'd be there every day
like let's go out let's drink let's do
this let's go get some drugs and yeah
I'd be like that until I met someone
else and then I would just drop my
friends again so looking that I always
thought I was a loyal friend but I see
now actually things were kind on my
terms
and I never even my close friend I don't
think they realized about the book well
they knew had borderline personality
disorder but it's not something that we
just openly chat bout and when things
got bad for me I wouldn't pick up the
phone and talk to my friend I would just
cut them off I'd get quiet
and then they wouldn't hear from me from
weeks and then I'd speak to them again
oh yeah I was in the hospital last week
Otto deed and so they kind of never knew
what was going on for me because I'd
only tell them what I wanted them to
know when things were good I was there
wanting to party with them when things
were banned I'd completely cut them out
and just go quiet like I said I stuck
with the boys more and it wasn't until I
went like into treatment and even when I
was in rehab I think the girls bitch is
there and I'll hang around with the boys
and but I did a lot of working the rehab
I went to we did a lot of work on
ourselves we had counseling in there and
in time I realized uh it was important
for me to let the girls in and to be
more open and since then I have built
some amazing friendships and my
friendships
a lot healthier today in the fact that I
have a partner but I make time for my
friends I have a lovely friend who lives
like 45 minutes away she was living here
she's in recovery herself she's just had
a baby and she's kind of away from
everyone so she doesn't get to see
people so I make a point I Drive us here
once a week though it's been difficult
because it's the summer holidays but I
make that effort and before it was why
just one thing for me and I wouldn't
have bothered but now I know that's
important you've got to invest time into
your friendships and that's what I do
now I'm more open with my friends if I'm
feeling down I feel I can phone them and
talk to them about it something I
wouldn't do before when you're in
recovery
not just from mental health but from
right drugs or alcohol it's so important
to like kind of stick with the same sex
because men are from Mars Women are from
Venus we are completely different and
sometimes being with around people of
your own sex they get you in a way that
the opposite sex wouldn't that make
sense
if you if you're the friend and you've
got someone that's got borderline
personality disorder I'd say exactly the
same as I said for like partners really
learn up about it know about it and be
there to support your friend but the
salons your friend wants to get help in
that be be there for them talk to them
about it if they're doing DBT talk to
them about DBT find out what they're
learning take an interest in that
because that is a big part of their life
yeah I think I think I'm going to leave
that we're run out of things to say yeah
all right guys enjoy the beautiful
weather except if you're not in this
country and the weather is not real good
where you are but then enjoy your day hi