4 vid requests today. 1st – good jobs or career choices for those of us with BPD. 2nd – Feeling misunderstood and getting frustrated and impatient at others. 3rd – Putting our guard up to protect ourselves 4th – What led to my suicide attempts.
hi my lovelies happy Friday today I'm doing four videos requests in one and the first video request is from breakin seven times who asked me to discuss having borderline personality disorder and making good job choices or choices in your career now when we look up borderline personality disorder one of the things we often read it's the fact that we skip from job to job or we're unable to work and unfortunately there is no smoke without fire and many of us will go through periods of times where we do jump from job to job or we can't hold a job down a job because we get this act or we can feel completely in an unable to work but that does not mean we cannot be successful it does not mean that we cannot ever ever ever hold down a job because we can now just because we all have borderline personality disorder it does not mean either that we have exactly the same personalities so there is no one good job for people with BPD I cannot say you would make a great consultant or you would be good in a fashion shop there we are we are different so when thinking about what job we would like to go for I think what sparks an interest in me what what do I feel passionate about and it's also important to bear in mind our strengths our weaknesses because some of the traits that we have or the Camorra disorders that come with BPD such as say anxiety they can interfere with our work life so for example you might be really impulsive our lack of identity we don't know what we want maybe we're doing something because we think someone else thinks that's a really great job and so we do it and then we think actually not don't know if I like this so much we also have our black-and-white thinking so we might get a job and think oh my I love this job so much it's amazing and then our boss might say something to us that we take as criticism and then all of a sudden we hate the job we cannot bear it and we walk out and we leave problems with our relationships maybe we just don't get on with coworkers or we can't really communicate very well with them that can cause us problems so when thinking okay what kind of job would be good for me do think okay how do I deal with stress for example if you don't deal well with stress you do not want to go into a highly stressful environment if you really struggle working with a big crowd maybe you should be looking at a smaller company with less people or doing something from home and doing the opposite basically so if if you really don't deal with I mean not many people deal with stress but if stress is like a big no-no then you kind of need to be thinking okay I really need the opposite that I need a calm environment and one thing that I believe can be beneficial for any of us is helping others that can be in the form of volunteering to start with or as your job because it really gives you something back it builds your self-esteem it makes you feel good about yourself so that's always something to consider I would always say as well start small don't think all have just got to get the dream career straight away or the biggest job I mean maybe just give yourself really small goals instead of trying to do it all at once because one thing we don't want to do is set ourselves up for failure because if we do that and then we fail we feel even worse than for we tried so it is small manageable goals and yet don't do too much too soon and like I always say recovery put recovery first because all those traits okay like I mentioned the traits that interfere so it could be dissociation and their anger relationships Riley Riley raw whatever traits you have just say they're the weaknesses they are what will interfere with your job when you start learning to recover and learning to manage this disorder you can manage those traits to the point that they're no longer an issue they weren't interfere with your work so just because they are a problem and they're interfering now it doesn't mean they will be a year or two down the line if you learn to manage them so don't just throw yourself into work and think forget recovery because recovery can actually bring amazing things and then you'll be able to branch out and do both like set bigger goals for yourself but to start with start small and the second video request is from Mia hi Mia and she asked me to talk about frustration like when we've got BPD a feeling frustrated impatient misunderstood now we are misunderstood a lot of the time but here's the thing we often have to kind of step back and think okay people don't understand me but do I really understand myself because a lot of us we don't we don't know who we are we we're trying desperately to understand this disorder but we don't fully understand it I mean some of us might get frustrated ourselves because okay we know we have BPD we know we behave in a certain way but we feel completely unable to stop it and that can cause us to feel really frustrated ourselves like why did I do that why did I say that and I suppose what I'm saying is when we think we are frustrated with others and we're impatient with them and we feel they don't understand us are we actually projecting are we actually putting that on them because actually that frustration and that impatience and the misunderstanding is actually that's how we feel about ourselves but we turn it round and try and put it on to someone else now we I've lost her I was going sorry Gus I do that a lot we can um go through life feeling really disappointed at people feeling let down feeling frustrated feeling impatient but these are actually all forms of anger on much lesser scale but they are actually forms of anger so one if you're feeling frustrated or impatient at someone first of all ask yourself is it really at Mike is it really aimed at them or is this how I'm feeling about myself secondly ask yourself in the grand scheme of things how important is this like for me to be frustrated or angry about because often we can get so wrapped up in the tinier things and then it can lead to bigger problems for us and you know what we have one life guys and we want to live it to the fullest and we want to be free from the VPD we don't want to be miserable now when someone annoys us also something that we find really frustrating I would say we're actually powerless over other people we can't make other people behave a certain way or we can't stop them saying things but we do have power over how we react to it and like I said in the grand scheme of things how important is it a lot at the time we just got to think breathe deep let it go and that might be walking away deep breathing feeling compassion for the other person rather than thinking oh you don't understand me at all just thinking maybe they're trying but they just don't and it's not their fault but going at it with a different attitude and communicating if someone has said something that you really find really frustrating talk to them about it rather than just game but be careful how we talk about it because if we like you did this you and we're putting the finger people automatically get on the defensive and then that can cause an altercation just a complication alteration I'm away with the fairies today so um yeah that is what I would say oh my cat's what are they doing they're gonna fall off this chair okay the third hello video request I'm doing is from Tina hiding and Tina asked about self-preservation like those of us with BPD we go out of our way and beyond to protect ourselves we go through life with our guard up now it's our defense mechanism it's our way of trying to prevent us from being hurt by people but we need to think actually how much of a purpose does it serve yeah okay if we cut people out and we go through life with this big old guard up and yes we may prevent ourselves from getting hurt but actually that's not living life living life is being able to live it on life's terms having meaningful relationships and if we go through life with our guard up all the time we're not going to ever truly have those meaningful relationships because we will never let anyone get close enough to us we often think that this self-preservation comes from it's like we're being rational I don't want to get hurt I've thought it through so I'm going to cut people out but actually it's not we're not being rational it's coming from a place of fear we are so scared again herb that we completely cut people out our lives but if we do that one we're gonna end up really lonely and we're missing out on wonderful relationships that we can have because this fear and it's this fear that is driving us we need to learn to live with life on life's terms now for people without beautifully for absolutely anyone in the world life it's not always plain sailing there are things that happen that can cause sadness or can cause anger but if we truly want to recover we have to learn to deal with that we have to learn to deal with things not always going the way we would like because if we don't we're not actually in recovery we'd have wrapped ourselves in and we're not living life and we can't have the life that we've always dreamed of if we're wrapped up in this bubble so we do really need to put our guard down a bit to start with I'm not saying straight away let absolutely everyone in because I've talked before about toxic relationships and sometimes there are people that we do need to cut out our lives but I'm not talking about them I'm talking about the people that really do love and care for us and want well for us and we cut them out as well so my advice here would be to build up relationships slowly we don't have to run in but rush into relationship giving it our all put all our guards down put all our trust into this one person building trust takes time so it's kind of give-and-take you put a bit of trust into someone once that they've proven that trust then maybe you trust them a bit more but what you'll find if you start learning to manage the VPD symptoms as well you if you're doing it properly you should learn to be able to cope in a crisis without resorting to cutting everyone out your life or without using drugs or alcohol you you learn to deal with things no matter how painful they are because everyone has to go through life and everyone has to sometimes deal with painful experiences recovery doesn't mean you are not ever going to like nothing's gonna go wrong again in your life you are going to have the most wonderful life now it just doesn't happen like that it's not life but what recovery does give us is gives us the skills and the tools to help us cope but they're absolutely worthless if we got our guard up from we're not letting anyone in or anyone hurt us because we're not going to her holy we just cutting ourselves off from the outside world and like I said that is not living life so we do if we want to truly recover we kind of have to slowly start putting those God God down and it like I said it might just be with one person to start with I will move now on to my fourth video request and it was from Johanna hey Joanna and she asked me to talk about my suicide attempts and what led to them now I'm thinking back to the one where I spent a long time in hospital I must have been it was right before I actually got put on the mental-health ward to live on there for a few months I remember it clearly I think I'd had an argument with a boyfriend and I remembered going to a shop and buying ridiculous amount of tablets which apparently I found out after the shop she was sent me said sold sell me sold that amount that I mean so and yeah I just sat in an alleyway and to the tablets I wasn't drinking alcohol and I wasn't using drugs in this occasion it was just I was absolutely so upset and I got found in a park and taking the hospital another one was when I found out about my ex-husband had been phoning my friend in secret and here's the thing right I don't care because if I known they were talking it wouldn't have bothered me because I knew they got on and they were friends but it's the fact it was like I've got something to tell you we talked we and he was going out the house to have conversations and I kind of really felt like it was done behind my back and it was worse than him going off under stomach sex with someone with like that could have just been a drunken mistake or something this was like it went on long term they'd built up a real close relationship and I really didn't deal well with that I thought I did but I really turned to the drink and the drugs and I started getting really obsessive like going onto the internet to look at his mobile phone records and printing them off and highlighting her number so I could work out exactly what time the phone calls happened and for how long they've been going on for and then I took it one step further whereas I had my phone and I'd check the date and time of time phoned and then check my phone messages for that day to see if they had messaged me just before or after the phone calls to know if they'd been talking about me and it literally just completely consumed me and I sat down one night I would have been doing cocaine and I had been drinking and I was going through the phone looking at the records and then I don't know what happened like I remembered well hide Phegley like I wrote - no I don't remember writing the note but I know about it because I was told afterwards and saying goodbye to my babies because I had my two children my son was only about four months four or five months old at the time my little girl had just turned 2 and yeah I attempted suicide it was like my brain I couldn't stop like focusing on well what when did they talk to me when did they talk to each other and it was like my brain was really out to get me and I just couldn't quiet in it and I just had enough and I was just I I think it was pretty much impulsive and I think quite a few of mine actually were impulsive like whereas I didn't plan them from days or weeks beforehand it would just I would be her emotionally it was always something got me really emotionally and I couldn't take the emotion and so I would do that and I remember that time it was the first time ever that I freaked out in hospital because all of a sudden I thought I'm like what if I don't make it this time what for my time's up and I'm never gonna see my little children again and it really got me and I was freaking out at the hospital because I was first time ever really scared before any time before then I didn't care and at this time I did the last time I did it was it was right before I went into rehab and I don't know if I'd had an argument or I don't know what it was I really don't I remember wanting more drugs and I don't really remember much else my mum told me I was asking the ambulance man could he stop by my dealers house so I could get some drugs and we way to the hospital but I don't remember and I was out for a few days and I I didn't remember any of it today I'm so lucky that I was unsuccessful each time because I wouldn't have be here with my beautiful children and living the life that I live and now my life is not full of luxuries actually I am really skin I'm going to be going self-employed in the next couple of days but I have no income coming in so I've just yeah I've got to have a think about that one but yes it's not like life is full of luxuries for me it's not like I get to go on holidays a traveled world or do everything that I would love to do and but I'm really content it's all the little things in life watching my children grow up being able to laugh at leave laugh with them and life is good and I suppose one of the biggest things for me is wandering this channel for you guys and showing you that there is a way out so no matter how bad you think it is there is a way out and you can go on and live a happy contented life free from BPD but now obviously I'm setting up my other website with my partner Megan and I'm so super excited about it because I just I'm so excited to show you guys I will be doing a webinar actually and within the next month so if any of you have signed up to you know for notifications and alerts on the unhooked media website I'm sure you will receive an email about that it will be an hour-long webinar I have never done worth not for but I am super excited and I believe you'll be able to ask me questions and stuff as well in that so yeah for me I found like I've found my meaning in life I've got through the hell that is PVD and now I believe I can one show you that there is a way out and try and help guide you and also I want to bring us together I want us to like be a proper community because I kind of feel like we like the BPD family all of us and I love that we can just all be ourselves we don't have to be ashamed of who we are so yeah I am for me like life is so good and I'm so fortunate that the suicide attempts are unsuccessful but looking back on most of mine I believe like I said they were very much impulsive quite a few of them were drug and alcohol induced like causing me to all my emotions to feel even more intense if that's possible so yeah I'm going to leave that there guys but if you haven't signed up for alerts etc go to unhooked Mediacom I think if you go onto my author page or on the big book page and there's somewhere where you can sign up for alerts and stuff so have a wonderful weekend and I'll be back next week luck to all happy
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.