hi my lovelies happy Friday today I'm
doing four videos requests in one and
the first video request is from breakin
seven times who asked me to discuss
having borderline personality disorder
and making good job choices or choices
in your career now when we look up
borderline personality disorder one of
the things we often read it's the fact
that we skip from job to job or we're
unable to work and unfortunately there
is no smoke without fire and many of us
will go through periods of times where
we do jump from job to job or we can't
hold a job down a job because we get
this act or we can feel completely in an
unable to work but that does not mean we
cannot be successful it does not mean
that we cannot ever ever ever hold down
a job because we can now just because we
all have borderline personality disorder
it does not mean either that we have
exactly the same personalities so there
is no one good job for people with BPD I
cannot say you would make a great
consultant or you would be good in a
fashion shop there we are we are
different so when thinking about what
job we would like to go for I think what
sparks an interest in me what what do I
feel passionate about and it's also
important to bear in mind our strengths
our weaknesses because some of the
traits that we have or the Camorra
disorders that come with BPD
such as say anxiety they can interfere
with our work life so for example you
might be really impulsive our lack of
identity we don't know what we want
maybe we're doing something because we
think someone else thinks that's a
really great job and so we do it and
then we think actually not don't know if
I like this so much we also have our
black-and-white thinking so we might get
a job and think oh my
I love this job so much it's amazing and
then our boss might say something to us
that we take as criticism and then all
of a sudden we hate the job we cannot
bear it and we walk out and we leave
problems with our relationships maybe we
just don't get on with coworkers or we
can't really communicate very well with
them that can cause us problems so when
thinking okay what kind of job would be
good for me do think okay how do I deal
with stress for example if you don't
deal well with stress you do not want to
go into a highly stressful environment
if you really struggle working with a
big crowd maybe you should be looking at
a smaller company with less people or
doing something from home and doing the
opposite basically so if if you really
don't deal with I mean not many people
deal with stress but if stress is like a
big no-no then you kind of need to be
thinking okay I really need the opposite
that I need a calm environment and one
thing that I believe can be beneficial
for any of us is helping others that can
be in the form of volunteering to start
with or as your job because it really
gives you something back it builds your
self-esteem it makes you feel good about
yourself so that's always something to
consider I would always say as well
start small don't think all have just
got to get the dream career straight
away or the biggest job I mean maybe
just give yourself really small goals
instead of trying to do it all at once
because one thing we don't want to do is
set ourselves up for failure because if
we do that and then we fail we feel even
worse than
for we tried so it is small manageable
goals and yet don't do too much too soon
and like I always say recovery put
recovery first because all those traits
okay like I mentioned the traits that
interfere so it could be dissociation
and their anger relationships Riley
Riley raw whatever traits you have just
say they're the weaknesses they are what
will interfere with your job when you
start learning to recover and learning
to manage this disorder you can manage
those traits to the point that they're
no longer an issue
they weren't interfere with your work so
just because they are a problem and
they're interfering now it doesn't mean
they will be a year or two down the line
if you learn to manage them so don't
just throw yourself into work and think
forget recovery because recovery can
actually bring amazing things and then
you'll be able to branch out and do both
like set bigger goals for yourself but
to start with start small and the second
video request is from Mia hi Mia and she
asked me to talk about frustration like
when we've got BPD a feeling frustrated
impatient misunderstood now we are
misunderstood a lot of the time but
here's the thing we often have to kind
of step back and think okay people don't
understand me but do I really understand
myself because a lot of us we don't we
don't know who we are we we're trying
desperately to understand this disorder
but we don't fully understand it I mean
some of us might get frustrated
ourselves because okay we know we have
BPD we know
we behave in a certain way but we feel
completely unable to stop it and that
can cause us to feel really frustrated
ourselves like why did I do that why did
I say that and I suppose what I'm saying
is when we think we are frustrated with
others and we're impatient with them and
we feel they don't understand us
are we actually projecting are we
actually putting that on them because
actually that frustration and that
impatience and the misunderstanding is
actually that's how we feel about
ourselves but we turn it round and try
and put it on to someone else now we
I've lost her I was going sorry Gus I do
that a lot we can um go through life
feeling really disappointed at people
feeling let down feeling frustrated
feeling impatient but these are actually
all forms of anger on much lesser scale
but they are actually forms of anger so
one if you're feeling frustrated or
impatient at someone first of all ask
yourself is it really at Mike is it
really aimed at them or is this how I'm
feeling about myself secondly ask
yourself in the grand scheme of things
how important is this like for me to be
frustrated or angry about because often
we can get so wrapped up in the tinier
things and then it can lead to bigger
problems for us and you know what we
have one life guys and we want to live
it to the fullest and we want to be free
from the VPD we don't want to be
miserable now
when someone annoys us also something
that we find really frustrating I would
say we're actually powerless over other
people we can't make other people behave
a certain way or we can't stop them
saying things but we do have power over
how we react to it and like I said in
the grand scheme of things how important
is it a lot at the time we just got to
think breathe deep
let it go and that might be walking away
deep breathing feeling compassion for
the other person rather than thinking oh
you don't understand me at all just
thinking maybe they're trying but they
just don't and it's not their fault but
going at it with a different attitude
and communicating if someone has said
something that you really find really
frustrating talk to them about it rather
than just game but be careful how we
talk about it because if we like you did
this you and we're putting the finger
people automatically get on the
defensive and then that can cause an
altercation just a complication
alteration I'm away with the fairies
today so um yeah that is what I would
say oh my cat's what are they doing
they're gonna fall off this chair okay
the third hello
video request I'm doing is from Tina
hiding and Tina asked about
self-preservation
like those of us with BPD we go out of
our way
and beyond to protect ourselves we go
through life with our guard up
now it's our defense mechanism it's our
way of trying to prevent us from being
hurt by people
but we need to think actually how much
of a purpose does it serve yeah okay if
we cut people out and we go through life
with this big old guard up and yes we
may prevent ourselves from getting hurt
but actually that's not living life
living life is being able to live it on
life's terms having meaningful
relationships and if we go through life
with our guard up all the time we're not
going to ever truly have those
meaningful relationships because we will
never let anyone get close enough to us
we often think that this
self-preservation comes from it's like
we're being rational I don't want to get
hurt I've thought it through so I'm
going to cut people out but actually
it's not we're not being rational it's
coming from a place of fear we are so
scared again herb that we completely cut
people out our lives but if we do that
one we're gonna end up really lonely and
we're missing out on wonderful
relationships that we can have because
this fear and it's this fear that is
driving us we need to learn to live with
life on life's terms now for people
without beautifully for absolutely
anyone in the world life it's not always
plain sailing there are things that
happen that can cause sadness or can
cause anger but if we truly want to
recover we have to learn to deal with
that we have to learn to deal with
things not always going the way we would
like because if we don't we're not
actually in recovery
we'd have wrapped ourselves in
and we're not living life and we can't
have the life that we've always dreamed
of if we're wrapped up in this bubble so
we do really need to put our guard down
a bit to start with
I'm not saying straight away let
absolutely everyone in because I've
talked before about toxic relationships
and sometimes there are people that we
do need to cut out our lives but I'm not
talking about them I'm talking about the
people that really do love and care for
us and want well for us and we cut them
out as well so my advice here would be
to build up relationships slowly we
don't have to run in but rush into
relationship giving it our all put all
our guards down put all our trust into
this one person building trust takes
time so it's kind of give-and-take you
put a bit of trust into someone once
that they've proven that trust then
maybe you trust them a bit more but what
you'll find if you start learning to
manage the VPD symptoms as well you if
you're doing it properly you should
learn to be able to cope in a crisis
without resorting to cutting everyone
out your life or without using drugs or
alcohol you you learn to deal with
things no matter how painful they are
because everyone has to go through life
and everyone has to sometimes deal with
painful experiences recovery doesn't
mean you are not ever going to like
nothing's gonna go wrong again in your
life you are going to have the most
wonderful life now it just doesn't
happen like that it's not life but what
recovery does give us is gives us the
skills and the tools to help us cope but
they're absolutely worthless if we
got our guard up from we're not letting
anyone in or anyone hurt us because
we're not going to her holy we just
cutting ourselves off from the outside
world and like I said that is not living
life so we do if we want to truly
recover we kind of have to slowly start
putting those God God down and it like I
said it might just be with one person to
start with I will move now on to my
fourth video request and it was from
Johanna hey Joanna and she asked me to
talk about my suicide attempts and what
led to them now I'm thinking back to the
one where I spent a long time in
hospital I must have been it was right
before I actually got put on the
mental-health ward to live on there for
a few months I remember it clearly I
think I'd had an argument with a
boyfriend and I remembered going to a
shop and buying ridiculous amount of
tablets which apparently I found out
after the shop she was sent me said sold
sell me sold that amount that I mean so
and yeah I just sat in an alleyway and
to the tablets I wasn't drinking alcohol
and I wasn't using drugs in this
occasion it was just I was absolutely so
upset and I got found in a park and
taking the hospital another one was when
I found out about my ex-husband had been
phoning my friend in secret and here's
the thing right I don't care because if
I known they were talking it wouldn't
have bothered me because I knew they got
on and they were friends but it's the
fact it was like I've got something to
tell you we talked we
and he was going out the house to have
conversations and I kind of really felt
like it was done behind my back and it
was worse than him going off under
stomach sex with someone with like that
could have just been a drunken mistake
or something this was like it went on
long term they'd built up a real close
relationship and I really didn't deal
well with that I thought I did but I
really turned to the drink and the drugs
and I started getting really obsessive
like going onto the internet to look at
his mobile phone records and printing
them off and highlighting her number so
I could work out exactly what time the
phone calls happened and for how long
they've been going on for and then I
took it one step further whereas I had
my phone and I'd check the date and time
of time phoned and then check my phone
messages for that day to see if they had
messaged me just before or after the
phone calls to know if they'd been
talking about me and it literally just
completely consumed me and I sat down
one night I would have been doing
cocaine and I had been drinking and I
was going through the phone looking at
the records and then I don't know what
happened like I remembered well hide
Phegley like I wrote - no I don't
remember writing the note but I know
about it because I was told afterwards
and saying goodbye to my babies because
I had my two children my son was only
about four months four or five months
old at the time
my little girl had just turned 2 and
yeah I attempted suicide it was like my
brain I couldn't stop like focusing on
well what when did they talk to me when
did they talk to each other
and it was like my brain was really out
to get me and I just couldn't quiet in
it and I just had enough and I was just
I I think it was pretty much impulsive
and I think quite a few of mine actually
were impulsive like whereas I didn't
plan them from days or weeks beforehand
it would just I would be her emotionally
it was always something got me really
emotionally and I couldn't take the
emotion and so I would do that
and I remember that time it was the
first time ever that I freaked out in
hospital because all of a sudden I
thought I'm like what if I don't make it
this time what for my time's up and I'm
never gonna see my little children again
and it really got me and I was freaking
out at the hospital because I was first
time ever really scared before any time
before then I didn't care and at this
time I did the last time I did it was it
was right before I went into rehab and I
don't know if I'd had an argument or I
don't know what it was I really don't I
remember wanting more drugs and I don't
really remember much else my mum told me
I was asking the ambulance man could he
stop by my dealers house so I could get
some drugs and we way to the hospital
but I don't remember and I was out for a
few days and I I didn't remember any of
it today I'm so lucky that I was
unsuccessful each time because I
wouldn't have be here with my beautiful
children and living the life that I live
and now my life is not full of luxuries
actually I am really skin I'm going to
be going self-employed in the next
couple of days but I have no income
coming in so I've just yeah I've got to
have a think about that one
but yes it's not like life is full of
luxuries for me it's not like I get to
go on holidays a traveled world or do
everything that I would love to do and
but I'm really content it's all the
little things in life watching my
children grow up being able to laugh at
leave laugh with them and life is good
and I suppose one of the biggest things
for me is wandering this channel for you
guys and showing you that there is a way
out so no matter how bad you think it is
there is a way out and you can go on and
live a happy contented life free from
BPD but now obviously I'm setting up my
other website with my partner Megan and
I'm so super excited about it because I
just I'm so excited to show you guys I
will be doing a webinar actually and
within the next month so if any of you
have signed up to you know for
notifications and alerts on the unhooked
media website I'm sure you will receive
an email about that it will be an
hour-long webinar I have never done
worth not for but I am super excited and
I believe you'll be able to ask me
questions and stuff as well in that so
yeah for me I found like I've found my
meaning in life I've got through the
hell that is PVD and now I believe I can
one show you that there is a way out and
try and help guide you and also I want
to bring us together I want us to like
be a proper community because I kind of
feel like we like the BPD family all of
us and I love that we can just all be
ourselves we don't have to be ashamed of
who we are so yeah I am
for me like life is so good and I'm so
fortunate
that the suicide attempts are
unsuccessful but looking back on most of
mine I believe like I said they were
very much
impulsive quite a few of them were drug
and alcohol induced like causing me to
all my emotions to feel even more
intense if that's possible so yeah I'm
going to leave that there guys but if
you haven't signed up for alerts etc go
to unhooked Mediacom I think if you go
onto my author page or on the big book
page and there's somewhere where you can
sign up for alerts and stuff so have a
wonderful weekend and I'll be back next
week luck to all happy