Today I discuss what a typical narcissist and borderline personality disorder relationship would look like and why.

hello my lovelies
apologies i've been away for a while i
said i was going to do the video on
narcissist relationship with a
relationship and i haven't done that
that is what i'm gonna do today
um i've had good news basically
my mum lives here now
um i've lived down here seven eight
on my own with the kid on my own
and that's fine i've loved it but just
knowing that my mom my stepdad my
brother they're all just around the
i can't even tell you it still feels
really surreal for me
and they got the house they wanted it
was literally
if i told you the whole story it's just
so ridiculous and it's been the most
painful process
ever but uh they're here so i'm chuffed
um my book guys i have to apologize
again because i have got messages
those you trying to buy it are unable to
buy it which is kind of good
in the fact it sold out it sold out in
canada it sold out in the usa
it sold out here it sold out in
australia um
it's sold out which is really good uh
except because it's all down no one can
buy it
which is a real pain um i've been
on the phone to the publishers um they
have literally
got copies being sent out but because of
covid everything's really slow
um but the good
thing is they are now going to start
printing like because i'm a first-time
obviously they only print so much and
they see how it goes which is
fine um it's gone really really well so
now they're looking at
doing printing a lot lot more
so they should be available for you guys
apologies if you're trying to get a hold
of it and you can't get it
um and thank you to all you wonderful
people that have bought it thank you
right so today i am discussing
a relationship between someone with
narcissistic personality disorder
and borderline personality disorder
now i have to kind of be
because i've thought this over i i don't
know i've really kind of procrastinated
when it's come to this
video and i know why um i have been
in a relationship with a number of
narcissists not diagnosed
but they tickle the boxes um
and i kind of just keep putting this
video off and it's got to the point it's
like you can't keep putting it off
like i need to talk um i don't
need to name name names so that's fine
um but one thing like when i get into it
and i start talking
because i am someone with borderline
personality disorder
i'm gonna kind of be on the borderline
side aren't i
and so when i look at the npd
uh i see them as bad and a lot lots of
do it's like no one likes narcissists
why would you they're so self-involved
like only care about themselves they
don't care how they get to the top
da da
but as someone with bpd i know
there are a lot of people out there that
judge us just on that label
um and they think those of us with bpd
with psycho stalker mentally unstable
people and
i think it's really unfair because we
don't choose
to have borderline personality disorder
we just don't choose that
it we just have it and we have to learn
to deal with it
so we have to remember
those people with npd they don't choose
to have it
they just have it and so i don't
want to come into this video to like
their back
npd bad bpd good uh because
come on guys we've both got our faults
none of us choose this
um but i am going to talk about the kind
of dynamics and the relationships
between the two
at a glance at a quick glance
a relationship between an npd and a bpd
is a match made in heaven it's
they can both give each other
what they want and it's perfect
but it's when i suppose
the negative traits
come in and i say negative traits
when actually the traits feeding each
other so
for example those of us with bpd
we have this fear of abandonment a lot
of us with bpd
you might have had a really crappy
you might have suffered abuse um
you've been through some kind of trauma
uh relationships break down all the time
but all you
crave is that loving relationship
you have someone with npd often
people with narcissistic personality
disorder have had
really good upbringings not all the time
often where they are they might be an
only child and they're told they are the
most amazing person
in the whole wide world and they can do
anything they want
anything they set their mind to the
world is their oyster
they you know and they are put on this
pedestal from a very young age and they
grow up so they have this
lovely family life whereas those with
bpd tend
not to have that kind of stability so
they come together the person
with bpd is craving like
that that one person that can
be their family i suppose
and the person with npd can do that
so those of us with bpd
will literally get this person think you
are so amazing you are my savior
and put them on the pedestal now the
person with mpg
is used to being on a pedestal and they
love it they
they need that they need to be put up
and like worshiped and thought you're so
and so
although it seems like yeah that's
really nice this person desperately
wants someone and this person wants to
be put on a pedestal and together they
are so amazing
it doesn't it does not mean that is
actually a good
good thing i suppose it doesn't mean
it's good it doesn't mean it is a match
made in heaven
if we look at someone
with borderline personality disorder
the traits we have the fear of
abandonment thinking someone's going to
leave and we desperately want to be
we have the unstable mood swings
we have that chronic feeling of
emptiness we're often
very insecure um we
have no self-worth our self-esteem's on
the floor
and then along comes someone with npd
who can i just point out actually at
this point i will point this out because
the person with mpd will act like they
are better than
anyone and no one can be as good as them
and they are the most wonderful person
on earth
but it's actually a very false sense of
self because
they don't even realize but deep down
they kind of feel the opposite they are
and it's this big bravado to make them
feel like yes i'm on top of the world
when actually they don't feel
like that um they have a very
sensitive sensitive ego like
they can really be hurt very easily
uh and that's why they can sometimes be
really damn right mean because
they're hurting which i suppose it's the
same for those of us with bpd we can be
really really mean
sometimes and do horrible things and
it's not because we're horrid people
it's because we're hurting and we are in
pain and we don't know how to manage
and so we do have to remember it's very
um because i've had some really bad
and so it's very easy even for me to
jump on that bandwagon and be like npd's
nasty piece of work stay away
from any hat anyhow we're here
over here um
so an npd and a bpd meet
they are both cluster b's which is the
dramatic and erratic you know they're
person that's kind of full of
personality big personality
um and they meet
and bpd will put npd up on that pedestal
someone with mpg is very good
at being very charming
and saying all the right things like
you're the most beautiful person i've
ever met
i will worship you you are so amazing
the person with bpd very low self-esteem
feels picked up by this and desperately
wants that kind of connection and that
that family i suppose that partner that
adores them
so they worship the person with bpd will
the person with mpd now the person with
mpd loves this
because they are put up on this pedestal
and they are feeling
amazing about themselves
and initially life will seem
perfect perfect match
they make each other feel amazing
but it doesn't it doesn't last it
doesn't last
um someone with mpd
can very quickly
once they know i've got this person this
person is mine
um cut off that
i suppose that's the big difference
between the two someone with a
narcissistic personality disorder
they lack empathy um they can come
across as very
cold and caring someone with
bpd borderline personality disorder
we're extremely emotional
and extremely empathetic
so once the relationship kind of
hit that high and now it's like kind of
plateaued and it's a bit normal
the person with mpd can very easily
kind of cut off
and maybe think i'll go out with my
friends instead
because they always want to feel on top
stay out with workmates meeting new
this really hurts the person with vpd
at home waiting so the person with bpd
might say why did
you go out you don't care and the person
with mpd
has no empathy at all and will come
across as really calm
the person with bpd may go into that
black and white thinking
so to start with the thinking was all
this person is amazing they can do no
they've gone out they've not replied to
our text messages they've not called us
they've come back late and now they just
don't seem to care
all of a sudden our whole thinking kind
of shifts
we don't see them as that person we just
knock them off that pedestal
and because we're her we can be vicious
we can be vicious with our tongue we can
be physically vicious
we will snap and we might say things to
really hurt
this person because we want to hurt them
because we are hurting
the person with mpd has a very fragile
so we hurt them they are extremely hurt
and because they are so hurt they will
just cut off chances are they will just
you know i'm done go that leaves us
in a complete mess complete crisis i
think it's times like this we
overdose we might self-harm we just do
not know what to do with ourselves
because this
we feel like or everything we thought
this fear of abandonment has kind of
come true
and we really really cared about this
person and we really really loved this
person and we thought they were so
amazing but they've hurt us we've hurt
them and now they're gone
and that's it and it's over
and we do not deal with that very well
not surprisingly um
i have heard like
of relationships between someone with
bpd and npd
but the only time it tends to work is
the person
with narcissistic personality disorder
had an actual diagnosis they accept
their disorder and they try to
work with it um
that's the only time i've kind of heard
of it working
so imagine
i'll say a woman with bpd obviously
sometimes it's the man with bpd woman
with mpd
more often you hear of the woman with
bpd so i'm gonna say that but i know
it's not all the time
just saying man and woman
in a relationship woman with bpd
has baby a week
after the baby is born
uh the man with mpd's like i'm going out
with my friends and
those of us with bpd like i can tell you
um pregnancy was hard uh
straight after was so hard i didn't get
baby blue so i got full on postnatal
depression so and it's more common
if you have another like mental health
so a woman's had a baby a week later
man wants to go out and goes out
and the woman is left with the baby
completely freaked out crying
phones man where are you please come
but they have npd's so the man says
no why should i come home you wanted
this baby i didn't want this baby
you deal with it i'm entitled to my time
why shouldn't i have time to myself
and the woman
with bpd will go absolutely
mental screaming and shouting banging
ahead of walls
uh because the emotions are so intense
she feels
completely like betrayed and left alone
and the person with mpd has absolutely
empathy and i think i think that's the
thing isn't it the zero empathy that's
what kind of
makes us not like people with mpd
but i do try to remind myself
that it's a personality disorder they
did not choose it but it's very very
hard when you're dealing with it
i could literally tell you so many
um i had police phoned on me
me once um
i've been triggered and triggered and
triggered and triggered and triggered
and i flipped out
and i went absolutely crazy and the
police came
and i was going crazy headbutting the
and the npdx
was saying look at her she's crazy
what's wrong with her you need to take
her away get her off my property get it
and i just felt literally i was made to
feel so small
and it just seemed so unfair because yes
i was being the crazy person head biting
the floor and the walls i was doing that
but the police hadn't seen everything
leading up to it like been pushed and
so another thing with people
with mpd once like
they want to feel on top and if they
start kind of feeling like
you're equaling out they will do
whatever they can to put you down
they will call you fat they might call
you ugly
um say you're getting old you're past it
no one would want you um
like who would go near you
stuff like that and literally
bearing in mind those of us with bpd
already have very low self-esteem
and we we kind of think all those things
about ourselves but to be told it by the
that we we love or care about
will think that loves us
it's kind of devastating
the problem is with
just say the bpd and mpd they break up
the mpg has always kind of got that
control whereas they can kind of come
and sweet talk the person with bpd
and very easily we can think oh
maybe they've changed maybe they do love
us maybe they do want
like family life maybe you know um and
get swept up in that
but very quickly we'll realize actually
it's exactly the same
they just they just have us where they
want us
see i'm now talking like they they they
and i don't want to do this because i
i just i don't want to do that because i
do have to kind of see it from both
point of views
um but it just feels like
we've kind of lost a bit of control and
so we go back because we crave
that love we crave that family life um
i don't know about you guys but i grew
up watching disney
and the princess always met the prince
i really learned actually quite early on
it wasn't real life but i did not give
up that hope
and i think even now i still kind of
maybe my prince is still out there maybe
maybe um
because i want to hold on to that hope i
want a happy ending
and i believe there can be a happy
when i suppose anyone
with um is with a narcissist let alone
someone with bpd with the intense
emotions and low self-esteem
anyway um
we can just literally get downtrodden
made to like question everything about
and here's i suppose the messed up part
so i believe my very first
boyfriend my first ever boyfriend i was
i've told you before in a video
just that was abusive and
he was 100 he had narcissistic
personality disorder 100
um his he'd lost his dad when he's
younger his mom and his
nan were like oh you are the most
amazing thing he's so wonderful they
used to say to me
you must feel so lucky to have him i was
like yeah yeah i am um but
they literally put you down so much and
make you feel
so rubbish that your self-esteem that's
already low is so much lower
and then they leave and you're left
like the shell of yourself feeling
it's then very easy for someone else
with npd because narcissists can look
out and find the vulnerable find the
to make themselves feel better
so it's very then it kind of leaves it
open for you to meet another npd
and i kinda did that
throughout my life really
um not all the same
some a lot worse than others uh
but always i would always put that
person on the pedestal
but they would always fall off
because of my black and white thinking
my splitting i'd split and
that's it then they're gone they're down
and then they retaliate and they hurt me
and knock me down
and it's just
roller coaster roller coaster roller
coaster and it's horrible
but i see why especially once you've
been with one and you're knocked down so
much you're feeling
really vulnerable and it's very easy
for someone to pray on you by space i
suppose that's what it's like it's like
preying on someone i i will use this
person to make myself feel better
trying to be fair trying to be fair i
those of us with bpd we're kind of using
them too because they
they give us they give us like what we
need it might be
false we don't realize that but they're
telling us we're amazing and we really
don't feel amazing
but they can make us feel amazing by
telling us that
but as quickly as they can make us feel
amazing they can make us feel rubbish as
and it sucks really um
so like i said i have heard
relationships with people with vpd and
mpd working i have
but the person with mpd has to know they
have it
and i suppose actually the person with
bpd must know they have it so they can
so if they're both working on themselves
then the relationship stands a chance um
it's a match made in hell it seems like
it's in heaven but it's a match made in
i really do believe that um
yeah so
i'm gonna leave that there now guys uh
because i've literally taught
for 26 minutes wow
okay uh i love you all loads i'm going
to live stream
very very soon and
if you have any video requests put them
down below in the comments now my mum
lives here this is amazing because this
like i've been at home with the kids for
since march
so finally
i've got a little bit of help there and
if i need to do a video i can i might be
filming at her house sometimes because
it'll be easier
and that's fine um but the videos will
start coming so do give your video
if you've requested it before and i
haven't done it request it again please
um because i'm going to start actually
writing it all down
i kind of feel like i was in a really
dark place for like about two years
and i only just kind to feel like i'm
coming out of it and i didn't even
realize i was in it this year
i thought i was okay but clearly
there's been some kind of shift and i
feel bad at the moment
so yeah let me know
as always i love you all loads
and um i'll be back this week
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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