hi guys I've had a facebook request to
talk about borderline personality
disorder and our parents do our parents
feel guilty do we blame our parents do
we talk about BPD to our parents or do
we keep it back because we don't want
them to feel bad about it and I have
been fortunate in that my family are
very supportive and but do I blame my
family now this is going to be something
that will be different for everyone
because obviously we've all had
different childhoods I am very close to
my family I think I had a good childhood
and they said my family certainly didn't
really do anything that I could hold a
grudge for or blame them for the way I
am I think I am the way I am because I
am the way I am and but I know a lot of
people with borderline personality
disorder have had quite abusive
childhoods and in that case it's going
to be very different maybe you will
really blame your parents and do I think
this is helpful and no not really and it
is not basically DBT dialectical
behavioral therapy came about because c
PT cognitive behavioral therapy was all
about change and a lot of people with
borderline personality disorder thought
why should I change and I've had such an
awful upbringing why should I accept
that and that is why Marsha Linehan
actually developed DBT because it's
about accepting things as they were
we're not saying yeah you had a bad
childhood but get over it now you need
to change because a lot of people I
think took offense at why should I
change it's not my fault that I'm like
this but actually that's not helpful and
because no it
might not be your fault but it's up to
you if you want recovery and by holding
on to a grudge and holding on to that
blame and not letting go you're going to
struggle to find recovery so it is
learning to accept it and I've done an
acceptance for do before and acceptance
does not mean saying yeah I accept it
it's okay my childhood was okay I accept
it is fine what happened is not you're
not saying it's okay but you're
accepting it for what it is so you can
move on with your recovery so that's why
I kind of say I don't think just blame
blame blame is going to be helpful
because yeah it might be someone else's
fault but what we can't change the past
but we can change the future so if that
means letting go of the past so we can
have an amazing future I think that's
what you need to do talking about your
phone talking about your board line to
your family and worrying about them
feeling bad I mean my mom is always
telling me how guilty she feels I'm she
didn't even do anything wrong she was
nothing but supportive but I think um
that's something all parents my what
parents have guilt regarding their kids
I feel guilty I'm always thinking I've
spent more time with this one than this
one yeah Gil I think it's quite natural
and I think we're talking to your
parents about borderline is helpful
because they can learn to understand it
and understand your behaviors when
talking about it you do not have to say
oh I have order I'm because you did this
when I was a child because then that's
going to put that back up and they might
just cut off so rather than talk about
the causes just talk about what
borderline person
disorder is and how you can recover from
it and what you need to do and I talked
about my borderline with my mum
and but we have that kind of
relationship with her that I can I know
not everyone can openly talk to their
family if you can't talk to your friends
but maybe you can talk to your mum but
not your dad and when in that case do
that there's nothing wrong with that
but don't hold back
worrying about what they're going to
they're going to feel guilty because
they would probably actually feel bad
that you weren't open up because you
were worried about that they were going
to get worried about what happened so I
think they'd want usually well so open
up just try just try and talk but
without pointing finger and putting the
blame on them I know I've said before
like I think borderline is both genetic
and and social do I blame my family for
the genetics I know because no one knows
they're going to be passing these genes
down like and like I put children and so
am I going to feel guilty if one of them
has it well no that's not helpful all I
can do is be there for them and love
them because although borderline can
make our lives hell
once we get through it we can be so
strong and we can just live an amazing
life and I know my children can go on
and live and have an amazing life so I
don't regret having them right card I
love my children very very much I try to
do my best for them I certainly don't
think I shouldn't have had children in
case I passed it on
and because actually I also believe
there are loads of positives to having
borderline I actually might do a video
next week talking about the positives
and one of them is just we love so
intensely yeah it's five past three and
I have got to go because I was basically
five minutes go to get the kids so I'm
going to leave it there guys but I hope
you are well and yeah hi