How do our parents feel about our BPD? Do We blame them? Can we talk to them about it?
hi guys I've had a facebook request to talk about borderline personality disorder and our parents do our parents feel guilty do we blame our parents do we talk about BPD to our parents or do we keep it back because we don't want them to feel bad about it and I have been fortunate in that my family are very supportive and but do I blame my family now this is going to be something that will be different for everyone because obviously we've all had different childhoods I am very close to my family I think I had a good childhood and they said my family certainly didn't really do anything that I could hold a grudge for or blame them for the way I am I think I am the way I am because I am the way I am and but I know a lot of people with borderline personality disorder have had quite abusive childhoods and in that case it's going to be very different maybe you will really blame your parents and do I think this is helpful and no not really and it is not basically DBT dialectical behavioral therapy came about because c PT cognitive behavioral therapy was all about change and a lot of people with borderline personality disorder thought why should I change and I've had such an awful upbringing why should I accept that and that is why Marsha Linehan actually developed DBT because it's about accepting things as they were we're not saying yeah you had a bad childhood but get over it now you need to change because a lot of people I think took offense at why should I change it's not my fault that I'm like this but actually that's not helpful and because no it might not be your fault but it's up to you if you want recovery and by holding on to a grudge and holding on to that blame and not letting go you're going to struggle to find recovery so it is learning to accept it and I've done an acceptance for do before and acceptance does not mean saying yeah I accept it it's okay my childhood was okay I accept it is fine what happened is not you're not saying it's okay but you're accepting it for what it is so you can move on with your recovery so that's why I kind of say I don't think just blame blame blame is going to be helpful because yeah it might be someone else's fault but what we can't change the past but we can change the future so if that means letting go of the past so we can have an amazing future I think that's what you need to do talking about your phone talking about your board line to your family and worrying about them feeling bad I mean my mom is always telling me how guilty she feels I'm she didn't even do anything wrong she was nothing but supportive but I think um that's something all parents my what parents have guilt regarding their kids I feel guilty I'm always thinking I've spent more time with this one than this one yeah Gil I think it's quite natural and I think we're talking to your parents about borderline is helpful because they can learn to understand it and understand your behaviors when talking about it you do not have to say oh I have order I'm because you did this when I was a child because then that's going to put that back up and they might just cut off so rather than talk about the causes just talk about what borderline person disorder is and how you can recover from it and what you need to do and I talked about my borderline with my mum and but we have that kind of relationship with her that I can I know not everyone can openly talk to their family if you can't talk to your friends but maybe you can talk to your mum but not your dad and when in that case do that there's nothing wrong with that but don't hold back worrying about what they're going to they're going to feel guilty because they would probably actually feel bad that you weren't open up because you were worried about that they were going to get worried about what happened so I think they'd want usually well so open up just try just try and talk but without pointing finger and putting the blame on them I know I've said before like I think borderline is both genetic and and social do I blame my family for the genetics I know because no one knows they're going to be passing these genes down like and like I put children and so am I going to feel guilty if one of them has it well no that's not helpful all I can do is be there for them and love them because although borderline can make our lives hell once we get through it we can be so strong and we can just live an amazing life and I know my children can go on and live and have an amazing life so I don't regret having them right card I love my children very very much I try to do my best for them I certainly don't think I shouldn't have had children in case I passed it on and because actually I also believe there are loads of positives to having borderline I actually might do a video next week talking about the positives and one of them is just we love so intensely yeah it's five past three and I have got to go because I was basically five minutes go to get the kids so I'm going to leave it there guys but I hope you are well and yeah hi
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