Two vids in one today guys. I will be discussing the intense rage of us with BPD and also discussing the pros and cons of setting up your own mental health YouTube channel.

I'm lovely today I'm going to be doing
two videos in one video touching on two
subjects the first is about rage and
that was requested by Hannah hi Hannah
and the second one isn't a video request
but I get messaged quite a lot about
people that set up their own YouTube
channel on mental health on borderline
personality disorder etc and I wanted to
touch from that as well today so I will
start with the rape that was off my
Hannah the rage and the anger in someone
with borderline personality disorder has
huge differences to the rage and anger
in someone that does not have borderline
personality disorder the first
difference is the intensity someone
without the disorder can go rah and be
really really angry someone with
borderline personality disorder that
doesn't even cut it
we absolutely freaking explode and it's
this explosive anger that can get us in
trouble with the law
cause breakdowns in relationships and
make people have void us because we just
flip out the second difference is maybe
the trigger someone without borderline
something bad might happen to them
someone might do them or wrong and they
get angry rightfully so people like me I
didn't necessarily need a big trigger it
could be seemingly the tiniest tiniest
thing and I would absolutely explode and
the third difference is people without
borderline personality disorder might
get angry in a public place but they
will look around and think
there's people around I will hold this
in and get angry at a more appropriate
time not us we don't care if there's
people around if we're going to erupted
with going to erupt and we explode and
we don't care who's about so I
completely understand about the intense
rage because I was such an angry person
I didn't think I was but I used to flip
out I have absolutely anything anything
there was one time with my ex-husband
he's always remind me of the story where
I got angry at him I do not remember why
I got angry at him he probably doesn't
remember why but I got angry and I
looked us in the bedroom and I took out
the key and I threw out the bedroom
window and I jumped up on the bed so I
was bigger than him and I was just
literally like this walking around like
growling that's him ready to pounce so I
could so I could bite him or attack him
and this is not something I am proud of
but this is just how intense a rage
would get and I I didn't care if I got
angry in front of people I remember I
remember being with an ex how old was I
I must have been 20 and I said I would
do us dinner and he did not come home
looking back I realized he was actually
an alcoholic but I did not knew that at
the time I knew he drank every day all
day every day but it just didn't know
why kind of back then assumed an
alcoholic was someone sat on a park
bench with a paper bag not a guy that
got up and went to work
but dragged from morning till night I
didn't get that so anyway I said I'd
cook him dinner he did not come home I
found out he was at the pub and I
literally just stormed in that pub and I
grabbed his hair and I yanked him
backwards off the bar
I didn't care that there were people
around I just could not control that
anger it was so so intense and I can
look back now no no wow because I don't
I don't get like that now I'm actually
like really calm I don't really raise my
voice I can't remember the last time I
shouted but this is a very different to
how I was and I know I keep saying to
you guys that I am going to be doing
videos from the brain and I promise you
I will but things are really really
hectic pretty hectic right now but Wow
I've done some research what has come up
is that there it is now studies have
shown studies have shown that there are
clear structural differences in those
with BPD in the brain flows with VPD and
the brain of people without vvg and I
have kind of discussed with you one of
them is our emotional brain which is our
amygdala and it's constantly on high
alert looking out for threats and this
is where our emotion comes we get
intense emotions but we also have
thinking our our prefrontal cortex and
our prefrontal cortex kind of keeps us
in check and it's our rational brain so
we get really really angry over here say
someone without border and they get
really really angry they feel the rage
but then this steps in and overrides
this and it's angry now there are people
and that personal group okay I'll
discuss this later
now people with borderline we have an
overactive amygdala so we feel things
more intensely and we have an
underactive prefrontal cortex so the
thing that is here that is supposed to
go whoa whoa people are here calm down
doesn't do that so we erupted I have
discussed before how we write like a
three year old book was that I read I
read a book the brain child is it the
brain child it's something about
children and their brain and
understanding because you've all seen
the three-year-old in the middle of a
shop lying on the floor screaming and
kicking and they didn't care who's
around they're just and the parents
trying to reason with them so why won't
you listen just isn't it me but the
child does not listen that and what is
happening there I learnt in the brain is
that this part of the brain is
completely overriding the front part
they have they have no control there is
no reasoning with them there's
absolutely no reasoning with them
I believe in children like the
prefrontal cortex it is what it kind
matures as they get older so when the
younger is just just not working so they
have their massive toddler tantrums and
parents might give no slack on the bomb
or tell them off but no matter what
actually that parent does that child is
not listening right then the child needs
to calm and I learned the way you do
that is you can just hug them you agree
with them you might not agree with them
but to them you say yeah I understand
you feel this way and then when they're
calm then you can start bringing some
reason into it
and this is what is happening in us with
borderline there is no reasoning with us
when we flip out like that we we're not
hearing anything we are only going to
get angry and angry and angry until we
calm down and we will not be able to
hear what anyone else I say not
listening we have to calm down first and
once we are calm then we can listen I
have had so many fits of Rage in my life
and not everyone is really violent with
it I was quite vicious unfortunately but
there are those that might not be
vicious to other people that really
internalize that anger and turn it in on
themselves and then self harm or punch a
wall and really hurt themselves there
are other behaviors one again my
ex-husband and just annoyed me basically
I was really angry and he was out but
the time he'd come home I had cut all
his clothes up and flung them in the
front garden
I just cut something like his clothes
because I was angry and I wanted to
punish him when I was calm I felt really
really bad because when I was calm and
my rational brain came into it I
realized oh that was really extreme that
was so extreme actually what you did was
not that bad why did you do that but at
the time I was adamant that the way I
was behaving was right I could be like
it with road rage Oh
so anyways I wouldn't think twice of
just yanking up the handbrake and jump
out the car to shout at someone quite
dangerous I mean I'm a woman like a
little girl then and all it would have
taken me for to do it to the wrong
person and get my ass kicked like I was
fortunate that didn't happen but I just
I just didn't think anything through I
would just erupt and it is it's horri
trait to live with because people start
to look at you definitely some people
might fear you and think I just don't
want to be around you some people might
be around you but not feel they can be
themselves around you in case it's
basically they're walking on eggshells
because they don't know if they say one
thing wrong
you might erupt at them because I am not
choosy with who Eruptor I would just
erupt at any one who did the slightest
thing so I'm gonna I'm gonna am I gonna
stop there am i and I think one of the
key ways of solving solving it is
helping yourself I did anger management
and I learned to notice that my emotions
were building sometimes a few weeks
before I erupted it I did not know that
I thought they just came out the blue
and the steps program I did for DBT
steps is Stepp s systematic training for
emotional predictability and
problem-solving and that again makes you
kind of monitor yourself and you might
think that you go from nought to ten in
seconds but when you actually look at
that there's lots of lots and little
things so you're building and building
and actually you might get be at five
flip 210 but you think you're down here
now so long as y'all say 1 2 3 4 5 you
can bring yourself back down but it's
learning to recognize all these things
beforehand I'm not going to do into it
now but it's very much noticing and
expressing things as they come up so if
someone has said something talking to
them then rather than just keeping it in
and going yeah
follow that up that will come out later
I like I said I don't get angry today
which is a good thing and I feel so much
better for it something pays me off I
will just deal with it then and there I
let a lot of things go as well little
things that used to really bother me and
now I just think I think really worth my
time and energy and a lot of the time
they're just not and I'm not willing to
give them my time and energy anymore so
I will leave that bit there I'm going to
jump on to the second subject now that I
was gonna talk about and like I said I
get a lot of people come to me and say
I'm setting up my YouTube channel and I
always say that's amazing because I
think it is amazing if someone is
willing to put themselves on camera and
start talking about their problems in
order to help others but that can only
be a good thing now I don't think there
should only be a limited number of us
because someone might watch my videos I
think I just don't relate and then what
someone else and go ahh that's who I'm
like and so that's great and that's the
beauty of it and the beauty of YouTube
the problem that I'm hearing it all is
people then say how devastated they are
when they get thumbs down or they get
negative comment and alright my advice
would be if you want to start a YouTube
channel and you're going to open
yourself up to tell people
tell people all about you be prepared
make sure you are strong enough to cope
with the negative comments because do
you know what you can be the nicest
nicest person in the world your video
could be the best most helpful video in
the world but therefore always going to
be some people that don't like it or
give it thumbs them and you have to make
sure you're strong enough to take that
when I I set up my channel I wouldn't
have set this channel up five years ago
because any negative comment I would
have raging like I was talking about and
I would have been on the computer right
knew everything this how dare you but
welcome Balearic I waited until I was
strong emotionally strong because here's
the thing we're talking about mental
health if you suffer with mental health
like I have suffered with mental health
you're vulnerable depending how far in
recovery you are if you don't feel
actually you're that far you're just new
in recovery you're particularly
vulnerable and you have to be able to
kind of take nasty comments with a pinch
of salt be able to take the thumbs down
and not obsess over anything how many
thumbs down has my video go because know
no one's gonna like everyone I get
thumbs down
I get horrid comments some of the
comments that I get right sometimes read
them and I think wow do you know what I
would never especially when it's from a
woman actually and I think I would never
ever go on someone's channel and just
write something like that about them
because I just think it's really unkind
and I just wouldn't do that but there
are people in the world that do do that
and don't think anything of it and if
you're all going to snap and buy back
you're giving them more ammunition they
will buy back in it we like this and you
will end up getting hurt another thing
to consider is that I know my
subscribers most of them tend to have
mental health problems they might have a
bad day just like I have a bad day and
they might write something that's not
horrible but just they're just not
feeling it and I thought to be able to
recognize that and not saying you know
what how dare you how dare you say that
about me but rather step back and think
I've been there where I'm just like one
everyone off basically that's it
that's what how I feel and it's ok to
feel like that and I would just say
you've really really got to make sure
emotionally you're strong enough to take
it I have had some viable messages and
five years ago they would have
absolutely destroyed me but today I'm
not that person and actually I'd like
one thing I've realized life I've said
it's a positive that those with BPD is
that we actually can really empathize
with other people we can understand
other people and often when someone
writes me and something really heard our
kind of thing what's going on for you
like why do you feel like that and so I
come at it from a different angle five
years ago it would have been how dare
you but today I'm not that person and
the only other kind of youtubers that
I've really talked about regarding BPD
is Mitchie Mavros and the borderline
life Cory the reason for that there are
other wonderful people out there doing
videos and for borderline I've only kind
of mentioned these lovely ladies
because they've slowly built up their
following just like I have slowly built
up my following back when I started had
I gone from naught to 5000 subscribers I
would have not been able to handle it
and I would have been I back off and so
that's why I don't kind of mention
people that might have a few hundred or
a thousand I think it's important in
this industry in hype the mental health
world that we do build gradually
ourselves and get used to it step by
step by step because it can be so
overwhelming even now for me like over
Christmas I wasn't well really letting
people down and and that's not something
that you want to be dealing with when
you've just started out because it could
be enough for you to go I don't want to
do this anymore so it is important that
you kind of build yourself up
emotionally built your channel up slowly
because YouTube can be really tough and
like I said if this was just if we were
just doing makeup and stuff yeah hell
yeah go for more to 10,000 subscribers
yet because chances are I'm not always
but chances are that person doesn't have
mental health problems or has not had
mental health problems but we are
actually specifically dealing with
mental health and for that reason I
think we do need to take things slowly
my channel has grown slow slow so but
it's always building and I love that and
I think that's really important it's
kind of eased me in say I would not say
just give up the first time you get a
thumbs down give up you've really just
got to think it's just the thumbs down
and the more subscribers you get the
more thumbs down you get and the more
horrid comment shoot but the positive is
the more you get the more subscribers
you get the more thumbs up if you get
and the more lovely comments and that is
what keeps me going is like
communicating and chatting with you guys
and it makes it so worthwhile for me and
it is like it it feels amazing
and so anyone going to set up their
channel I would say if you're
emotionally strong enough stick with it
because you do get so much joy out of it
and you will be helping so many people
my video has frozen why is that I'm just
gonna keep talking and hope that it
doesn't keep doing that yeah it's so so
worth it in the normal run so kind of
bear that at the forefront of your mind
and just don't focus on the negative
because it'd be very easy to focus but
just don't don't do it so guys I'm gonna
hang up my screen and my face has frozen
I'm hoping that once I put out it
unfreezes if I'm gonna leave that there
guys I hope you all have a wonderful
weekend I have your bad eye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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