Do Borderliners get  rejected more than most people, or does it just feel that way? How did I cope with rejection and how do I cope today?

hi guys today I'm going to do a video on
borderline personality disorder and
rejection a lovely young lady has asked
me to do this video and I am more than
happy to do it because rejection for us
is huge the thing we have to remember is
that rejection doesn't feel nice for
anyone really and even people that don't
have mental health illnesses they're not
gonna get play I don't think those are
out being rejects it it just doesn't
feel nice it kind of gives us a knock it
knocks our self-esteem now as you know
with borderline personality disorder our
feelings are more intense so if you have
someone that doesn't have borderline
personality disorder and they get
rejected they feel like doesn't feel
good but for us it goes so deep and it's
devastating another thing we need to
remember is that with borderline
personality disorder
we seem to get rejected a lot more than
people without mental health illnesses
so why is that well the thing is we
don't we actually don't but we perceive
so many things and take like to be
rejection things when we're not being
rejected we take it as we're being
rejected I'll explain that more in a
little bit so in my DBT video I have
mentioned before the you see that
emotional mind and the rational mind
this is like logical thinking now
someone with borderline personality
disorder spends all their time in
emotional mind we are run by it we are
run by our emotional mind and that's not
healthy it's also not healthy just to be
in rational mind that be something
really cold quite closed off not no
emotion there so what we want is to be
in this middle bit of both
can you see a big circle and I will just
right hang on
why wise mind that's where we want to be
but I explain that more in the DBT
videos the reason I'm mentioning it now
is just to point out you we don't think
things through logically we completely
run by our emotions and I think that's
why a lot of the time we take stuff as
rejection that's not and I can explain
what I mean by that because I have
millions of instances where I have taken
things as rejection with an ex-partner I
said she would go out for a bite to eat
tonight no not tonight at fancy staying
in I took it as rejection they don't
want to go out they don't want to be
seen in public with me devastating I
think that time I went and banged my
head off the wall repeatedly another
time I went shopping and I would say to
like an S do these does my bum look big
in this or do you know what what we do
does this eat me now I don't like it
took its rejection they don't like me
it wasn't no they just don't think this
outfit suits me it was hot I completely
personally and that's what I mean
completely run on emotional mind that
time I just didn't talk to them for a
few days
gave them the silent treatment
for me I was so wrong on the motion one
I couldn't think anything through
logically and like I've said in other
videos I could phone an ex-partner and
they don't answer I take that as
rejection I in my head immediately I
imagine either they're having an affair
or they're somewhere they shouldn't be
and that's why they can't answer because
then I'll hear the background noise or
they've looks at their phone cnips me
and decided not to answer which is
completely illogical I don't I don't
don't even ever stop and think maybe
they didn't hear their phone maybe
they're genuinely busy I took it all to
self as rejection and it would leave me
in a mess because I could not cope with
rejection whether it was actual
rejection or perceived rejection
I have lay down in front of someone's
car before I've thrown myself at Simon's
car before I've tried to throw myself
off a bridge before motorway bridge
before I banged my head off wolves I've
banged my head off trees got splinters
in my head I've head-butted the floor
like a concrete floor til my head's all
cut up
oh I've self-harmed I've gone out and
got really drunk and used loads of drugs
and all those horrid intense impulsive
reckless behaviour come out when I feel
rejected because I can't cope I think a
lot of it is I have with borderline
personality disorder we have bad
self-image anyway so if we can't love
ourselves how we gonna expect anyone
else to have us I mean obviously people
do love us but in our head we don't get
that we don't think they can
and we take everything so personally my
fear of rejection now it's obviously it
never completely disappears because
anyone can get rejected
I suppose the fear of it does I don't
think about it that's not to say I don't
get rejected I couldn't be rejected in
the future but how I deal with it now is
very different because I've learnt to
use my wise mind so instead of just
running away with that emotional mind I
can bring some logic in and rationalize
things which is much healthier way of
doing it and then because of that I
won't react in such an impulsive
destructive way because we're a lot at
the time we think rejection is going up
something would you like to go out with
me or would you like to go for a meal
with me or would you like to be my
boyfriend would you like to be my
girlfriend someone say no and yeah
that's outright rejection but for
someone with borderline it it doesn't
have to be outright rejection it could
be a funny look I could say something to
my partner like I really don't like my
hair or and they might just go and I
take it so personally like they're
rolling my eyes because they know my
hair's rubbish I feel like shaving my
head I'm surprised I haven't shaved my
head and the feeling is just so painful
because like I said we as board liners
we feel things more intensely and we
can't help that
and it's until we start learning skills
like in DBT or in some kind of therapy
where we can start to regulate our
emotions and learn to use wise mind
instead of just running on the emotional
mind once we do that then we can cope
better I'm not saying you will love
rejection at some point because who does
who tells lawn for ejection but it won't
cut you as deep you'll be more accepting
and it's just not as painful I think as
time goes on you're in recovery you
start building your self-esteem as well
and so things like little things like
that someone rolling their eyes isn't
going to affect you like it would if I
went out with my partner shopping and I
tried some jeans on and he told me they
didn't look them nice I wouldn't start
head-butting the wall anymore or wanting
to cut my wrists or use drugs I would be
much more inclined to think well it
depends if I like them I wouldn't care
what he says I will buy those jeans um
and be happy with my decision to do so
because I don't feel the need and to
please a partner or just do what they
want and change myself for a man and
this shows just what a long wait I have
come because there was a time that I
would just change everything about
myself just to please someone else so
yeah like I said rejections not nice but
we can learn to cope with it
and it does get easier it doesn't happen
overnight recovery doesn't happen
overnight you've got to put work in
unfortunately but once you put the work
in it's amazing so I stick with it
bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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