An impulsive reckless behaviour that we may exhibit might be sleeping with strangers. We want to feel loved and secure and often mistakenly think sleeping with someone is the answer to that – which is never is. In fact it more often than not makes us feel so much worse.

Transcript:
hi my lovely book keep checking the
sun's not in my eyes from where I'm
sitting um how are you all I hope you
are good I
I have Platts on the left side where are
they I have some Platts in my hair today
because my daughter who is eight she
said to me yesterday mummy I went on
Google and typed in recovery mum and I
can't help but notice you have your hair
down in all your videos and I just think
it gets really boring so she did Platts
in my hair for me see them but yeah she
said she sure told me right today I'm
doing a video request from Leanne um hi
Leanne and Leanne asked me about when we
self-destruct by sleeping of people
whether it's men women and she said
doing it because you need attention
you're seeking the attention you didn't
get when you were younger because she
got real bullied and felt like an
invisible loser that makes me feel
really sad and it's really bizarre
because I was going to do this video and
a message pops up from one of my old
videos and I had a quick look at that
and then I noticed another comment below
it and it was sent ten months ago but it
really links in this video that I'm
going to do and is the request I don't
know how I missed it was by Chandler
Chan lives for Christ so hi Chan if
you're still watching but this was two
months ago and she asked me to talk
about sexual promiscuity and using it as
a way to feel wanted emotionally secure
although it may result in more
insecurity which always does and she
said apparently Marilyn Monroe her BPD
and new sexuality is a way of way of
feeling wanted so I thought that's
hiding really well because
sexual promiscuity is something that
people with borderline can soft with not
everyone but some do it is an impulsive
reckless behavior that we can act on and
the thing with borderline we have really
low self-esteem low self-worth we don't
like who we are
we crave attention we have these erratic
moods
one minute feeling hi hi hi next minute
feeling so low and we we don't have to
control these moods and it wears us down
when we like this when we're on this
emotional rollercoaster constantly we
are worn down emotionally we are so
emotionally drained constantly and I
know for me like my self-esteem used to
be so low and I hated everything about
myself like on the inside and out I just
did not like myself and I knew that I've
talked about it in another video that I
would literally like wear this mask
where I could act like everything was
okay and to the outside world I come
across as really confident and really
happy even though I wasn't inside and
one of the ways that helped me to put
this invisible mask on was to hello to
makeup where ridiculously high heels
wear miniskirts and kind of dress in
this certain way and it gave me
confidence and made me feel the part
even though inside I did not feel the
parts and like Leanne said she got
bullied at school I also got bullied at
school and I know a lot of you from your
comments you have been bullied at school
and that from a young age like we we
have a confidence knocked and just like
Yan said I
got into my twenties and it was when I
was started using drugs and drinking
that I was kind of trying to relive my
teens I never felt like I had grown up
either I always felt like this child
trapped in and adults body and it was
only until it was only up until very
recently that I started feeling a bit
more adult and so it's very clear to see
why why people with borderline will use
sex as a mechanism to make themselves
feel better because we can get attention
from someone else and it makes us feel
good it makes us feel like someone wants
us but it's after the sex is over I say
that reality comes brings us crashing
back down to earth and we just feel used
we feel horrible and we realize that it
didn't mean that person really really
liked us they just wanted sex but at the
time we're so desperate for some
attention and it's almost like any
attention is good attention but like
Chan said as well it can actually
increase that insecurities because we
can have this moment think someone
really really likes us say have sex with
them and then they don't call and then
it's like oh my god I gave myself to you
and you haven't even called me back what
what's wrong with me and so you might go
out and do it again and do it again and
again but every time your self-esteem
which is already really really low is
getting like chipped away up so you feel
worse and worse and worse I wasn't
really someone that use sex as an
impulsive reckless behavior
[Music]
but I still understand that need for
wanting people to like you for me I
possibly wanted to think people wanted
to have sex with me even though I
wouldn't go through with it because just
by someone say looking at me in that way
that made me feel better about myself
but then after I'd feel cheap and
horrible because it would also it wasn't
who I was I wasn't I wasn't the girl
with all the makeup and the mini skirt
and heels tottering around that wasn't
that what she wasn't me
it was just this kind of character that
I almost became to give me this
confidence even though it wasn't real it
was a fake confidence lightly Ann said
she seek this attention that she didn't
get when she was younger because she
felt invisible and I remember that like
I said I got into my 20s and I was using
the drugs and the alcohol helped me
become this confident person and I loved
it because it was like I was able to
catch up from all those missed years
when I was a nobody and I got bullied
and now I wasn't getting bullied I was
using drugs I had this fake confidence
and everything seemed wonderful but
actually it was it was all I was like
living a lie basically but I was in the
grips of the borderline and it wasn't
until I got the borderline under control
that I could actually start to learn who
I who I was and what I liked and
my self-esteem groove
and now I don't feel oh I have to make
up for Miss time because I kind of think
that was my experience and that's made
me who I am today I don't feel I have to
go back and catch up on all the things I
missed as a team or go back and catch up
on my 20s because I was pretty much
completely in this drug induced coma for
ten years and I don't feel like I need
to do that because I can just live life
now every day as it comes and I don't
live in the past at all I don't even
know if I really answered that question
I feel like I've just gone on no no no
did I even answer the question and if
you are someone that is sexually
promiscuous and you have borderline I
would suggest that you look into getting
treatment for the borderline because its
once you start to get that under control
the all the impulsive reckless behaviors
that we show whether it is drunk driving
using drugs sex with strangers
gambling whatever they will become less
the thing is with just going out having
sex with strangers it is dangerous one
you could catch an STD to you might you
well you're vulnerable and it is never
wise just to go off with a stranger so I
would highly recommend you don't but see
if you can get therapy and you can talk
things through
and it is about building your
self-esteem because once your
self-esteem is higher and you feel
better about yourself
you will know yourself worth and you
will realize actually I'm better than
that I don't need to sleep with people
because you will have that inner
confidence in yourself and you will
realize that actually you can't get that
from somewhere else you can't have your
self-esteem built by other people only
you can do it and it's an internal thing
but we do look to other people and
outside things to make us feel better
inside but it's never gonna work it
might for like a short fix long term it
will make you feel worse so I would
suggest looking ways to build your
self-esteem and making yourself feel
better about you and in that process
you'll find that sleeping with strangers
being promised rest that that will go by
itself because you won't feel the need
to do that anymore
same give a game and uh please have a
wonderful weekend
my love you all bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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