An impulsive reckless behaviour that we may exhibit might be sleeping with strangers. We want to feel loved and secure and often mistakenly think sleeping with someone is the answer to that – which is never is. In fact it more often than not makes us feel so much worse.
hi my lovely book keep checking the sun's not in my eyes from where I'm sitting um how are you all I hope you are good I I have Platts on the left side where are they I have some Platts in my hair today because my daughter who is eight she said to me yesterday mummy I went on Google and typed in recovery mum and I can't help but notice you have your hair down in all your videos and I just think it gets really boring so she did Platts in my hair for me see them but yeah she said she sure told me right today I'm doing a video request from Leanne um hi Leanne and Leanne asked me about when we self-destruct by sleeping of people whether it's men women and she said doing it because you need attention you're seeking the attention you didn't get when you were younger because she got real bullied and felt like an invisible loser that makes me feel really sad and it's really bizarre because I was going to do this video and a message pops up from one of my old videos and I had a quick look at that and then I noticed another comment below it and it was sent ten months ago but it really links in this video that I'm going to do and is the request I don't know how I missed it was by Chandler Chan lives for Christ so hi Chan if you're still watching but this was two months ago and she asked me to talk about sexual promiscuity and using it as a way to feel wanted emotionally secure although it may result in more insecurity which always does and she said apparently Marilyn Monroe her BPD and new sexuality is a way of way of feeling wanted so I thought that's hiding really well because sexual promiscuity is something that people with borderline can soft with not everyone but some do it is an impulsive reckless behavior that we can act on and the thing with borderline we have really low self-esteem low self-worth we don't like who we are we crave attention we have these erratic moods one minute feeling hi hi hi next minute feeling so low and we we don't have to control these moods and it wears us down when we like this when we're on this emotional rollercoaster constantly we are worn down emotionally we are so emotionally drained constantly and I know for me like my self-esteem used to be so low and I hated everything about myself like on the inside and out I just did not like myself and I knew that I've talked about it in another video that I would literally like wear this mask where I could act like everything was okay and to the outside world I come across as really confident and really happy even though I wasn't inside and one of the ways that helped me to put this invisible mask on was to hello to makeup where ridiculously high heels wear miniskirts and kind of dress in this certain way and it gave me confidence and made me feel the part even though inside I did not feel the parts and like Leanne said she got bullied at school I also got bullied at school and I know a lot of you from your comments you have been bullied at school and that from a young age like we we have a confidence knocked and just like Yan said I got into my twenties and it was when I was started using drugs and drinking that I was kind of trying to relive my teens I never felt like I had grown up either I always felt like this child trapped in and adults body and it was only until it was only up until very recently that I started feeling a bit more adult and so it's very clear to see why why people with borderline will use sex as a mechanism to make themselves feel better because we can get attention from someone else and it makes us feel good it makes us feel like someone wants us but it's after the sex is over I say that reality comes brings us crashing back down to earth and we just feel used we feel horrible and we realize that it didn't mean that person really really liked us they just wanted sex but at the time we're so desperate for some attention and it's almost like any attention is good attention but like Chan said as well it can actually increase that insecurities because we can have this moment think someone really really likes us say have sex with them and then they don't call and then it's like oh my god I gave myself to you and you haven't even called me back what what's wrong with me and so you might go out and do it again and do it again and again but every time your self-esteem which is already really really low is getting like chipped away up so you feel worse and worse and worse I wasn't really someone that use sex as an impulsive reckless behavior [Music] but I still understand that need for wanting people to like you for me I possibly wanted to think people wanted to have sex with me even though I wouldn't go through with it because just by someone say looking at me in that way that made me feel better about myself but then after I'd feel cheap and horrible because it would also it wasn't who I was I wasn't I wasn't the girl with all the makeup and the mini skirt and heels tottering around that wasn't that what she wasn't me it was just this kind of character that I almost became to give me this confidence even though it wasn't real it was a fake confidence lightly Ann said she seek this attention that she didn't get when she was younger because she felt invisible and I remember that like I said I got into my 20s and I was using the drugs and the alcohol helped me become this confident person and I loved it because it was like I was able to catch up from all those missed years when I was a nobody and I got bullied and now I wasn't getting bullied I was using drugs I had this fake confidence and everything seemed wonderful but actually it was it was all I was like living a lie basically but I was in the grips of the borderline and it wasn't until I got the borderline under control that I could actually start to learn who I who I was and what I liked and my self-esteem groove and now I don't feel oh I have to make up for Miss time because I kind of think that was my experience and that's made me who I am today I don't feel I have to go back and catch up on all the things I missed as a team or go back and catch up on my 20s because I was pretty much completely in this drug induced coma for ten years and I don't feel like I need to do that because I can just live life now every day as it comes and I don't live in the past at all I don't even know if I really answered that question I feel like I've just gone on no no no did I even answer the question and if you are someone that is sexually promiscuous and you have borderline I would suggest that you look into getting treatment for the borderline because its once you start to get that under control the all the impulsive reckless behaviors that we show whether it is drunk driving using drugs sex with strangers gambling whatever they will become less the thing is with just going out having sex with strangers it is dangerous one you could catch an STD to you might you well you're vulnerable and it is never wise just to go off with a stranger so I would highly recommend you don't but see if you can get therapy and you can talk things through and it is about building your self-esteem because once your self-esteem is higher and you feel better about yourself you will know yourself worth and you will realize actually I'm better than that I don't need to sleep with people because you will have that inner confidence in yourself and you will realize that actually you can't get that from somewhere else you can't have your self-esteem built by other people only you can do it and it's an internal thing but we do look to other people and outside things to make us feel better inside but it's never gonna work it might for like a short fix long term it will make you feel worse so I would suggest looking ways to build your self-esteem and making yourself feel better about you and in that process you'll find that sleeping with strangers being promised rest that that will go by itself because you won't feel the need to do that anymore same give a game and uh please have a wonderful weekend my love you all bye
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