hi guys today I'm going to do a video
request from Angie G and she asked me to
talk about BPD and twisting words
projection and manipulation now for a
long long time I didn't believe I was
manipulative I didn't believe partners
used to say you just twisted completely
twisted what I said and I was adamant
that I hadn't looking back I can see
that I did projection where I turn
everything around and make it big like
their fault they did their deaded I did
that but again I did while I was in it I
didn't see that I was doing it because
who wants to admit that women impute 'iv
because the thing is we read this kind
of stuff there's lots of negative stuff
out there about BPD and one of the main
things is they're manipulative and I
really think this helps the stigma grow
in regards to BPD because they're so
much many negatives and about us but
unfortunately unfortunately I did use to
manipulate I did twist words and I would
project but but I think it's the reasons
behind why we do it ah we don't do it to
be nasty
we aren't cunning and out like I say out
to hurt people because we're actually
not I know we hurt people and we can be
manipulative we don't set out to be it
just kind of happens just happens and
because like I said before inside we are
nice people
we have this illness that makes us do
not very nice things and I think for me
them for all of us really when we behave
like this when we start twisting words
and manipulating and projecting onto
other people often the closest people to
us our partners our parents and siblings
etc it's because we love them that we
get a fear of abandonment and we're so
scared they're going to leave us and we
also lucky us don't just have a fear of
abandonment we suffer with splitting our
black and white thinking so someone can
be amazing one minute the worse the next
and so I was looking back to some of the
times I twisted words and I did all
these things and it would often be in a
huge Rao with my partner and I loved my
partner I love my partner um but I would
get really angry about something and I
start pushing pushing them away I'm
saying really nasty things and that gets
a point that I'd be so nasty that I go
kind of go too far and then they want to
go so my partner might then let on
though I've really peed him off and he's
not taking it then my fear of
abandonment comes in that he's going to
leave me so rather than just say I'm
sorry I said I'm sorry I said all this
hurtful things I twist it round and try
to make out well I only did this because
you dad I love that and whatever and I
twist it all around so in my head he
then thought oh I've really hurt her
I won't leave but obviously at the time
when it's happening
I'm not thinking I'm gonna push him away
I know he's going to leave me I'm going
to manipulate him to come back and then
I'll push him away again then I
manipulated him back again that doesn't
kind of go to your head he just happens
well I'm screaming I'm going mad
and and then I twist it all around so he
looks like the bad person I'm trying to
think why else I did it
I think in my head sometimes when I
twisted around it's because I actually
believed it was his fault and he had
done something so would be ramming about
something and I'd twist it all round
so your whole argument became about
something completely differently
different and and I don't understand
exactly why all the time I did it but I
did do a lot most arguments I was kind
of so confused my emotions and your
emotions obviously out they are so
intense and when they're happening and
you're kind of in the middle of it
you're not thinking straight and you're
saying hurtful things that you don't
mean but you really kind of believe you
do because you're so hurt and you feel
this person has hurt me so much even
though it's how we've perceived it not
all the time sometimes they are in the
bloody wrong but yeah I did a lot the
good thing now is because through DBT I
learnt to manage my emotions better
that's particularly the really negative
horrid the jealousy you know there's
horrid feelings that would likely cause
a big
argument I now I don't let it get to
that stage though the other day I was
talking to my partner about something
and he said I was manipulated and I said
you ought be that reason there's such a
stigma about BPD because people like you
saying women oppressively said they
you're manipulating me hmm interesting
and that I said I'm not manipulating you
I'm merely telling you to do the right
thing so anyway oh yeah it doesn't it
doesn't sound great does it that we
manipulate but like I said I think it's
the reasons we do it we're so desperate
like that fear someone is going to leave
us it's so huge
only people with BPD can really
understand it that intense intense fear
and we go to any lengths to prevent that
happening and if that means making
someone else look like it's all their
fault or twisting the words they say to
get our point across that's what we do
there I never said what we do is good
but like I said we're desperate and
that's what so that's why we do it but
again like I said when we come into
recovery that stops because we don't
have to be like that we don't have to do
that because our one our emotions on is
intense - if they're building we can
manage them before and three we kind of
learn I haven't done that I keep meaning
to do a DBT video on it interpersonal
skills and I will do that very soon I
know I keep saying but um I forget
basically but I'm through learning like
interpersonal skills that is where we
learn to commune
decay and get our message across in a
healthy way
and so that manipulation the twisting
the words the projection we don't need
to use them anymore
because they're not helpful they hurt
people and they kind of just make it a
whole lot worse for us in the long run
but it's until you get through it and
get into recovery that you can see that
and but it is important to know why we
do it
and it's not because we're horrid people
it's not because we're manipulative yes
we might manipulate but I wouldn't say
we're manipulative that makes sense
so I leave that there guys and I'm gonna
try and do another video so the kids are
away this week so I'm good with my mum
for the Easter holidays so I'm going to
get a few done possibly for this week
and next week so if for the next six
videos I'm wearing thin clothes it's not
because I don't wash and change my
clothes it's because I'm doing videos
now I love you all bye