How do we stop ourselves taking our anger out on our kids?

hi guys today I'm going to do a video
talking about being a parent and when we
have borderline personality disorder and
I'm going to talk about our anger issues
when we have children or a child and a
lovely girl good session messaged me
asking me about this subject and I'm
sure there are plenty of mums out there
that would like to know this but it's a
touchy subject because we don't want to
say that we yell at our kids or we go
mad at our kids I think pet there's
parents out there with no mental health
issues that sometimes want to go crazy
at the kids scream shout punch a wall
and that's people without mental health
issues so when we have borderline
personality disorder and we're really
angry how do we cope sometimes not very
well there was a time and I'd take my
daughter out she must have been three
and she was in the back of the car and
she was screaming and kicking the back
of the sea and literally just being a
nightmare and I remember I pulled the
car over quietly and I lost it I side
smacking the steering wheel shouting
screaming and I look behind she's just
kind of SAT there like what the heck has
happened to mommy um over the years
there are other times I've completely
lost it there's been times that I have
wanted to smash up the house and just
walk out and just leave them and say I
can't do this because the ambit builds
up now this doesn't necessarily happen
when they've done something really
really bad it I think it can be a build
up there sometimes I'm just feeling
angry inside I don't know why
they the kids can say one thing do one
thing and it pushes me over the edge and
I'll explode and I will shout and I will
raise my voice and afterwards I'm left
feeling guilty ashamed I will cry I
think I'm the worst mom in the world
because I kind of blue what happened
completely out of proportion but what
I've gotta remember it was actually a
build-up that happened before it didn't
come out the blue um because I don't do
this now don't get me wrong I raised my
voice to my children if they are rude to
me I am going through a bit of a tough
time with my middle child at the moment
he is very rude he actually punched me
in my stomach the other day in temper he
has thrown things at me calls me idiot
but it's completely out of character for
him and so where as before when my BPD
was playing up I would have that black
and white thinking I would have thought
right he yeah he's always good usually
but he's being like a little monster now
he is bad and I would react accordingly
but I'm in recovery today and I kind I
can look at the bigger picture and for
me my son isn't usually like this it is
out a character for him he's been like
it for just well since the weekend I
have spoken to the school and I've asked
them to keep an eye out on him and
playground just to see what's going on
because fool I know he could be getting
bullied or you know whatever I don't
know and that might be the reason he is
playing up I mean there might be no
reason he might just be pushing
boundaries at the moment but there was a
time like I said where I wouldn't have
considered any of this I'll just go nuts
like how dare you um so my parenting is
very different now and it's not because
I'm a great man because i don't think
there's such a thing we all make
mistakes the human i think we will
always feel guilty about things that we
do i think with borderline personality
disorder we have those anger issues
there and sometimes they come out and
yes they might come out on inappropriate
times and for reasons that aren't
justified but we've got to realize one
that we're not well and to look at how
we can change it now from me it was
going into recovery doing d bt i did and
management class which i found helpful a
lot of people don't find them helpful
but i did find it helpful i did the
steps program where you kinda learn that
this anger this explosion does not come
out of nowhere it can happen gradually
over days and we're completely unaware
that is even happening and it's building
its building and then the slightest
thing like i said we explode we're
actually if we look we learn to notice
our feelings on a daily basis we will
see it graduate like gradually building
and then we can stop it before we
explode if we stop it we can bring it
back i did a parenting puzzle course
that they do in the UK if you go into
any like children's centres you can ask
about it and i got i like a family
support worker and they work with me and
they got me put on the course and i
learned all of just different parenting
skills and it was so helpful I wasn't
too proud I didn't think I'd
you to know that I went in open minded
and thought right I'm gonna try and
learn as much as I can and that's what I
did and I found it really really helpful
because it is scary if I start screaming
and shouting as a child it's like really
scary I mean I don't have to be hitting
my kids I don't hit my kid it just
raising your voice and shouting for a
child can be terrifying and so I kind of
learned to look at things from their
point of view but i'm also really
accepting of my actions and we accept
basically i accept the fact that i don't
always get it right that doesn't mean i
don't feel guilty the other day my son
before bed decided he wanted bowl of
clusters and i said no because he hadn't
eaten all his dinner and then I felt bad
I'm sorry I thought no you can have your
bowl of cereal but he wanted sugar in a
cereal and i said no i said that's it
i've given you see really if you don't
want to don't of it and he didn't have
it he went to bed and it was about an
hour and a half after he'd been asleep
lytle fancy some cereal so when I got
cereal and put sugar on my cereal and
then I thought myself I'd hate the taste
of this cereal if I didn't have sugar on
it then I started feeling really bad oh
my god i was going to expect him to eat
it like that and yet i wouldnt and i was
wracked with guilt and i know that is a
minor thing but that's what I mean as a
parent we can feel guilty over anything
and everything especially if we've
screamed and shouted at our piled when
perhaps they didn't deserve to be
screamed and shouted that but for me I'm
quite lucky that my older two at least
they're at the age that I can sit down
after that and I'll say
really sorry mommy shouldn't have gone
so angry it wasn't you you did this and
I reacted this way and I talked to them
about it rather than just ignoring it
because that makes it worse and at least
if I can sit down and they can see it's
okay adults can make mistakes too and
art it's okay i can say sorry and if you
are struggling with those anger issues
and you're blowing up you at your kids
over everything and anything talk to
some and see what support you can get
you could go to your doctor and say is
that an anger management course i'm
really struggling with my anger you
could lock said if they've got like
children centers all that round you just
ask and see if there's any parent
courses google it are there any
parenting courses in my area because
they're really really worth doing if
they're armed then there are so many
books about parenting different
parenting things i've got one on my
bookshelf also called the brain child or
something it teaches you like how
child's brain works and that's quite
interesting i've got i think jo frost
books you know super nanny and just
getting I mean I'm not saying you have
to do it all just getting some little
pointers here in there is really really
helpful and if you're getting less angry
and going less mad at your kids or doing
it less often you're going to feel
better as well because that horrid
feeling of guilt is just horribly if
we're so hope that helps my guys my guys
my lovelies my guys my have a great
weekend bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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