I could get attactched to places as well as people.  When I would be separated from someone or some place I was attactched too I would be filled with anxiety.

Transcript:
hi guys I'm so glad to be back doing a
video as you can hear from my voice I've
actually had laryngitis I lost my voice
in the week um and obviously I've been
just lying around and safer unable to
move so poorly all week and all I was
thinking I was I've got to get that out
I've got to do a video all they're
actually going to think I have deserted
them and I don't want you guys to think
max that's not the case and today I woke
up and I was feeling okay so I've just
taken some paracetamol put some makeup
on which is like again the first time
since last weekend when I was at the
wedding
it was my cousin's wedding I've got
excused the noise in the background my
children are obviously here and they're
watching Harry Potter mad so what was I
saying yes I went to my cousin's wedding
and it was so lovely it was a really
nice day but I was just I felt so rough
I actually went max the hotel room at
like 7:00 p.m. and have to sleep haha
which is a real shame because it was
really nice seeing all the family and
everyone having such a lovely time and
the kids enjoyed themselves that's
important I'm now here I'm really sorry
about background noise I can hear the
noise from outside can you please remove
there I did just try and film in this
video but I've got my little song key in
here and who thought he'd come over and
he got so excited seeing his little face
on the screen that he wouldn't leave and
was just jumping around like a maniac in
front of the camera so I'm gonna do it
again today I am going to do two video
requests I'm doing from Jane UK -
ostrich talk about separation anxiety
and Kathy price asked me to talk about
BPD and attachment
hi Jane hi Kathy basically I thought I'd
do them together because they kind of go
quite well I know they are different
that they do go together
because it's often when we get an
attachment to something that we didn't
get the separation anxiety route not
being with someone I noticed in the
comments of that sleeper really like
attached to places I was like yes this
was a major problem for me actually and
I will take you back to when I was 21
and my dad took me to America
and we went for a month and I'd always
wanted a case of America cause it seemed
like this far-off distant magical land
and I went there for a month I spent
three weeks in Phoenix Arizona and I
spent a week in Las Vegas and it did not
disappoint I absolutely fell in love
with them and I did not want to leave I
loved it so much that I just felt like
this is my home I belong here and I was
so attached and having to leave there
was like a real wrench for me when I
came back it was more than just holiday
blues I got so down and the only thing
that made me feel better so I got a map
of America I started studying it and
learning all the different states and
learning where they were and about them
all and where I was gonna live because I
was gonna live in America and I started
obsessing about it I've talked before
about my little obsession with
stationary so in Outland all myself
loaded nice books and pens and I started
drawing the picture of America the map
and planning what route I was gonna take
where I was gonna drive or what's gonna
go where I'd live what places I'd have
houses I mean I didn't have money for
one house but in my head I'm gonna have
houses in Las different states and yeah
I just couldn't let it go it took a long
long time and even now I've got about
to live in America it's always kind of
in a dream
sorry um yeah and I became so attached
and it's not the only place I have been
like palliative and it doesn't just have
to be like going on holiday either if I
go to a certain place and I I might have
anxiety before I go but once I go if I
feel I'm having fun and it's the play
like I'm taking out my own head so I'm
not full of anxiety and depression and I
actually can relax and feel good I've
become attached to that place cuz I see
it in a minute you can come and say
hello just don't get obsessed with
looking at yourself on the camera this
is my little boy Kim say hi
Kian got so obsessed you've got food all
over your face yeah
grubby you have face I'm fake I forgive
me eye contact lenses yeah
I thought you didn't look like a bit
like moist grass square what my eyes
look square yeah are you talking about
these yeah the eyelashes no no your ID
quit I mean I think I know an FA cause
they have like my eyes yeah I guess
square eyes
thank you thank you thank you for that
lovely compliment okay okay I get you
face when I let me finish up and I'll be
paper okay good boy so I'm I feel really
bad for them because I'm even so unwell
all week I've not been able to do
anything I have said if they let me get
some videos on today I will take them to
the beach today because the weather is
looking quite nice yes so if I found a
place that I felt safe I just didn't
want to leave that I've got this real
attachment and I could see myself living
there or not but it's like I had to
obsess over the place how am I going if
then I'll start planning my whole life
about being at this place and it would
come a bit of an obsession actually so
regarding being attached to places that
was my experience and attachment to
people was actually easier I suppose and
because I didn't go to lots of different
places not lie so lots of different
people but I think I always had like
real attachment with my mom and
especially when my anxiety is out
control I could find it very easy to
just want to be with someone because
they made me feel safe and I got it in
my head that I was not safer if I was on
my
because I suffer loneliness which is
weird because sometimes I would isolate
but then I would isolate in that place I
had attachments in my home so I wouldn't
want to leave my home and I'd feel safe
that I was okay but also like with
people getting real attachment and they
could to say it was I have an attachment
issue with a friend we start spending a
lot of time together and we'd go out
then one day they said they were going
away on holiday you're right you come to
kiss my leg thank you you meet great
Matt Matt Ken what are you doing we kick
him sat down that little face what is he
doing and yeah and they said they've
been little dad they're filled with
panic I'm like like please don't leave
me I believe no matter what am I gonna
do and I start completely freaking out
and I'd go from freaking out then
getting really angry at the person that
oh my god you just left me at my time of
need and I'd get real resentful and
[Music]
sometimes then my attachment to them
would go something you left me and I'd
find someone else I could become
attached to and then would suffer
separation anxiety around when they went
somewhere without me and there were
times I couldn't literally I couldn't do
anything on my own and doctors
appointments anything I had to have my
mom with me I remember when Keon was how
old was can only a few months old I
think and I would say with my mom the
marriage was breaking down I went took
my mum and my mum would part-time so she
was there in the morning but she'd go to
work about one o'clock for a few hours
and in the morning she'd do the kids
breakfast and she'd make them lunch
make sure they were really looked after
cuz I just wasn't in a good place and
that there's few hours that my mom was
going to work just one and she won't be
went to Versailles I would every morning
that anxiety for yeah which is family I
just did not want her to go it just
freaks me out completely because I
didn't know how I was gonna go and the
thing is I was not on my own yet because
my brother was there our house but I
just I didn't I didn't know how hard and
it was it would fill me with panic every
single day and he shall be watching like
the clock waiting for her to come home
and getting that like oh god she's gonna
be home and that relief and she walked
through the door sorry I've come into a
daydream and it's hard because the fear
it just fills us not just that it's not
just mentally it's not just in our head
it would physically affect me I'd feel
sick in my stomach I would be like
shaking and like it was this like the
start of a panic attack any time someone
that I was attached to is going to leave
it has taken time it doesn't happen
overnight but you can um get through it
and you can get to a point where you
don't struggle with attachment and you
don't struggle with separation
for me it was taking slow steps and
facing my fears like going out on my own
and actually taking myself to see I was
having my tactimon with my mom rather
than waiting for her to go and me
suffering that separation I would take
control and say I'm gonna go to the park
and I would go away on my own so I was
separating us so I'd still get the
anxiety but I was that bit more in
control and I'd still suffer the shakes
and oh my god and head to the park and
I'm going something new and I'm not got
my mum with me but it is facing that
fear and doing it and just slow steps it
doesn't have to be a claim to a park it
could be I'm just gonna go for a walk
see how long I can walk for it might be
10 minutes and you've gotta come back
but slowly so you'll find you can go a
bit longer and you're okay on your own
you're gonna survive on your own because
the anxiety although it is very real it
is not like justified wishing feel
anxiety I mean anxiety of Donna video
before anxiety is there for a purpose
and it can serve as well but can also
cause us problems when it's coming up at
inappropriate times when we don't
actually need to feel anxious we don't
actually need to feel separation anxiety
because our lives are in danger and we
can do it but we build it into this big
thing
and but I'm not saying like just jumping
headfirst and hey Ryan I'm gonna
separate from everyone because chances
are you'll scare yourself so much then
you'll just become reattached and you
won't want to take that step again
that's why I say take it slowly I don't
beat yourself up the prouder and realize
you're not alone there are so many of us
stuffing through that and come out the
other side there are still so many
people going through it now and they can
get the out the other side just like you
can but it is giving yourself time
they're like oh is a baby steps you know
and it will get easier what you might
find she might be able to come away and
go for a walk for five or ten minutes
and then you might be able to play for
half an hour go a bit further and then
maybe one day you'll think I'm gonna
stop and have a coffee somewhere on my
own and it will get easier it does get
easier but it's very scary and horrid
when you're going through it and I know
that because like I said it's not just
our minds going on but it's actually our
physical selves as well that are
reacting to our thoughts and it doesn't
feel good so I am going to leave that
there eyes
I'm sure there was probably loads more
for me to say I can't concentrate her
but Harry Potter playing Quidditch on it
in the background I see our little girls
coming here to say hi hi
we haven't brushed her hair today she
rides nest on her hair thanks bad nest
Hey yes they say this is one tool to mom
he takes over the screen don't you my
baby it's my older babies in my little
bug is like from a Penta Penta baby you
are my oldest baby you enjoying Harry
Potter and I'm disrespect you are not
the schoolís and they've been very bored
this week as a mummy's been poorly my GU
were calling to receptionists a full day
together didn't we
[Music]
no I would remember that day in this
knob yeah I made me me were sleep in the
snug you have fun with day didn't you
hmm you two drops things they lend you
to park did you yeah the mummy said I
love you must do a video one mmm media
ones from YouTube channel
[Music]
it doesn't matter of my hair surprise
and output then later on top what are
you doing
plastic stealing who's the chaotic here
yeah she needs permission I'm not
entirely sorry
yeah uniting to achieve I'm not entirely
sure it's a greater there you are
getting young on your eighth what would
you what biggest finish bloody cream and
a dog oh whoops is distracting my spine
thank you
yeah I mean exactly why so right guys
and you know leave it there and I will
be back next week because I'm gonna do
some more videos today new after I take
them to the beach and let mean after 20
we love the 20 lose who's it why anyway
she's the mad one oh you're wearing red
hair yes I think you
for any article I've got I actually
probably support Chelsea Chelsea is that
cuz I'm cool cars Chelsea okay don't
camp tell me don't tell me don't tell
your dad
well that you support Chelsea I'll TV
show the video your dancer now they're
gonna climb all over me
this is my dance I did two iPads hello I
know that and scattin and a half wide
new porch and daddy said Tamra I said my
dad said you slow down and I didn't slow
down
lovely right we can say bye to everyone
bye
toodaloo Anna I'm gonna get some more
videos done so there will be out next
week love you all Hey
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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