hi guys today I'm gonna do a video that
was requested by the lovely Charlie and
she asked me about people with BPD
coming on too strong when we like summer
we want them to like us back but we end
up pushing them away because we can
become a bit obsessed
can't we I was like this even from a
young age actually at school because I
don't think we're not just like this
with romantic partners obviously with
romantic partners we're possibly more
like this but even with friends I don't
know if it's because it's our
self-esteem or what but we want to be
liked and it's really bizarre because
sometimes we want to be liked so much
and then other times we just don't want
to talk to people we don't see anyone
but yeah from a young age young I would
become very clingy with my friends I
would get jealous if they were playing
with other people and I wanted them to
like me
and if that meant me sneaking in toys
and giving them little toys and saying
no you can keep my bracelet
I keep my dolly just so they like me I
would do it and I brought it into my
teenage years I would like go out of my
way to be nice like overly nice
cringe-worthy knife and often to the
detriment of myself because even if I
didn't want to be doing something I'd do
something if I made a new friend and we
went out I just do everything I could in
my power to make them like me more more
and more
in the end I've pushed people away I was
too much I was in their face I was if I
wasn't phoning them constantly I was
texting them if I wasn't texting them I
was around the house knocking on the
door wanting to spend every minute of
every day with them
I did this with partners as well I came
on so strong and I could be with well
I've told you in another video I was
with like a guy a week and I've got his
name tattooed on me not just that like
some for me I know I used to think
spending money from people buying them
things writing them little cards or
whatever just anything anything to make
them like me
I love said would be phoning them
constantly there was a guy I liked i
wouldn't think twice about turning up at
their work how awful for them but there
I'd be at their work asking and I just
thought I'd pop him um and I think it
was just all too much for a lot of
people and if I started seeing them
trying to pull away I would think they
were trying to abandon me and so I try
even harder I didn't get it I didn't get
you're actually full on you're pushing
them away back off a bit I'd get on even
more and and try even crazier things to
make them like me if in the end I could
see it still wasn't working I would
flirt with their friends or try and make
them jealous what I didn't realize was
actually they didn't want to know me
because I came I'm so strong I'm not and
I'm trying to make them jealous when
they're probably thinking good luck mate
so Freddy's and
I couldn't bear the thoughts and I'm not
liking me especially a partner but
friends as well because I had low
self-esteem and I wanted to be like I
wanted to be loved
and I would kind of just go out my way
to try and make that happen I was with
one guy and I just popped round to his
house I hadn't even been interested in
him and I pop round his house because I
was coming rationally pebble nice
walking path then I stopped round his
house and the arts and we started
chatting so I doing some drugs drinking
and I never left
I moved my stuff in and stay there
like eight months something who does
that um I would talk about having babies
and getting married after the first few
days I'm wondering why they're like whoa
easy but I didn't see it because I was
like I wanted to show them I was
committed to the relationship I mean it
wasn't even a relationship at this point
but my head it was so um yeah I was like
stalkerish kind of full-on and just
didn't know when to back off because I
was scared if I backed off they would
leave when actually by carrying on the
way I did it I push them away to the
point they left anyway and then I was
left hurt devastated and angry and my
self-esteem is knocked I don't have that
needs to be like that today I have I
used to want everyone to like me I
literally have a handful of close close
friends and that's enough for me and I
don't have to push myself on them or
make them like me or do things to make
them like me because I'm much more
accepting of myself and if someone
doesn't like me okay not everyone likes
everyone and I can cope with that today
so yes I hope that answered your
question charlie bye guys