hi i'm lovelyz happy Friday today I'm
going makeup free someone put in the
comments I think my last video about
women and their insecurities and maybe I
should consider doing a video makeup
free and I thought ok I will do that I
am I'm not being 100% honest I did put
some tinted moisturizer on this morning
but other than that you can see nothing
so I feel a bit naked now
I like been through times in my life or
I wouldn't leave the house because like
I was so depressed and I wouldn't wear
any makeup but then I wasn't leaving the
house
other times I literally could not go to
my local corner shop without wearing
makeup today I'm not like that I often
do the school run like this am i
insecure do you know what yeah I have my
insecurities I think most of us do but
I've got to a point where I'm more
comfortable in my own skin
I don't worry so much about what people
think about a but yeah I still have
insecurities I will probably be back to
wearing makeup next week the thing is I
enjoy the process of putting makeup on I
like the way how you can look one way
and they look something completely
different and it's kind of like painting
or doing art I just find it really thin
of beauty I listen to my music and it's
just really fun experience but today I'm
going makeup please accept the twin-tip
little tinted moisturizer today I'm
doing two video requests one from
Morticia Addams hello I'm a teacher who
asked me to talk about dissociation
and Kristy Lee didn't actually request a
video but I noticed she asked in the
comments about does anyone suffer
psychosis and have BPD so I thought I
would touch on that because it kind of
links him with dissociation so I have
like personal experience with
dissociation I've talked to you before
when I was like well how old seven or
eight I was young I was in primary
school and I dissociated for the first
time and for me I kind of felt like I
stepped out my body and I was watching
myself but it wasn't me it was really
bizarre and there are lots of different
ways that we can dissociate it's not
just one way that's how we do it so I
will discuss that sometimes we can feel
like we have zoned out almost like a
daydream like we're in a dream but we've
kind of stepped away from it
we're in a dream but you know like if
you're in a daydream maybe yourself at
this looking out and you're daydreaming
so it feels like that but it's while
you're doing stuff when you could be
talking to someone but you feel like
you've zoned out from the situation so
it is quite bizarre there are like I
said different ways of dissociating
which I will discuss now but pretty much
all of them we disconnect with
disconnecting from ourselves we are
disconnecting from our thoughts from our
feelings the way we behave from our
identity disconnect from our memories so
D personalization is the one that I used
to have and that is where I felt like I
stepped out my body and I was looking at
myself I was kind of looking on but it
it wasn't me I was over over here
so that's depersonalization is one of
them we also have D realization and that
is different where we at
we kind of detach from the world around
us people places things and I've had
that before as well where us I could be
with a group of people and then all of
sudden kind of feel like I was separate
from them even though I was being
included and everything
I just felt again kind of like I was
stepping out myself but I felt so
detached from everyone it just out of
reality and that's the trade my sleeve
listed in the DSM is like we can have
intrusive thoughts paranoia out of touch
with reality and that's exactly it
it just things just didn't feel real to
me even though they were happening
another one is amnesia and with amnesia
it's basically we forget periods of time
now it might be we just forgot the few
minutes in our day or it could be we
forgot the past week it could be we
forgot huge chunks of like our life
maybe in childhood
there's just layers that we can't
remember but I still got a lot of my
childhood I just do not remember that's
all and I try and think but it's just
like literally there's nothing there
just absolutely nothing I just do not
remember I say the thing is we can
forget okay so like just say we forgot
what we did this morning even though we
knew we were awake we were there we were
present but it's like our mind has just
kind of blocked it and we can't remember
it even though it's just happened so
that's another form of disability we
have identity confusion and this is
where we don't who we are basically
we're confused about our identity now it
does differ from the trait because we
have
VPD trait which is unclear or unstable
self-image and that is who are we not
knowing our real identity I suppose this
the difference is with this with
dissociating is we thought we kind of
knew who we were one minute and then
we've forgotten we don't know who we are
now but then we'll go back to the inn
okay and and they might happen again and
it's like yeah so as opposed to just
questioning Who am I
we're questioning why
but in a different way I might making
any sense
please tell me you're making some sense
um yeah so I would say it's the more to
do with we think we know who we are and
then we don't and then we do in the
midday that we have identity alteration
and this is different because it's
basically what it says we alter our
identity we become someone else we might
move to a different town we start
behaving completely differently dressing
completely differently talking
completely differently and when we're in
this state we completely forget we have
all our memories of who we just were and
with someone completely else but that's
someone completely different and then we
can go back and we don't remember doing
that and it's out of our control it's
it's different to how we can be like a
chameleon and to fit in it's completely
different to that it's we just all of a
sudden become someone else
the thing with dissociating is it's our
brain protecting us from harm from pain
so if it's a child we suffered some kind
of trauma or we went through a really
difficult time and when you were young
you're very helpless and you like rely
on your caregivers and so if you're
being called some kind of herb there's
no way of you escaping that so our brain
does the next best thing and emotionally
detaches us so we're basically
emotionally numbed so we can get through
that difficult time as pain-free as
possible
the problem is later on in life whenever
some kind of pain or her comes our
that's what our brain does it cuts us
off it emotionally NARMS us to protect
us the thing with there is if we keep
dissociating every time something
painful happens in our life we're
actually holding on to the pain because
we are not dealing with it we're not
facing it head-on and learning how to
successfully cope with this distress we
just becoming emotionally numb which
seems to service purpose of its purpose
but then we keep doing it when we
dissociate it's not actually a nice
feeling it's not like walking away with
the batteries it feels really weird and
we can put ourselves in really really
dangerous situations when we do it we
might just completely mean a daze and go
for a walk in a dangerous alleyway he'd
like do you know we're just we're not
thinking we're not there with reality of
the situation and that's a dangerous
place to be there are many of us that
the dissociating become so bad that was
so desperate to feel that we might turn
to self-harm just to try and make
ourselves physically feel something to
try and bring us back to reality so it
is a trait that we definitely need to
learn to
become and unfortunately one of the ways
we do that we have to learn how to feel
the pain and only when we do that can we
then learn to deal with it learn to
recover from it and stop dissociating so
Christi Lee asked me amp not me you guys
does anyone have episodes of psychosis
now I have suffered with this as well to
different extents there was one time
that was so bad I was like I'd be at
home and I'd think I could hear people
smashing my door down and I would freak
out like it's that fight flight or
freeze and I would freeze I'll just be
frozen they're thinking someone's coming
in to murder my family and it all
sounded and it was so real but obviously
it wasn't real so I've had it when it
was like that more recently I it's like
to a lesser extent but just as bad
mentally really because I it's at times
of stress when I'm stressed and I start
thinking I'm seeing spiders everywhere
and I'm like and I become really jumpy
and it gets to the point that when I go
to bed I have to lift the duvet upper
half to lift the pillows up I have to
look under the bed I have to go into the
kids room to check this no spiders I
have to go downstairs to check there's
no spiders but the time I've got up my
mind is telling me well you've been down
stairs maybe a spiders going in your bed
so I'm back checking onto my bed and
it's like really all-consuming and it's
horrible because then I'm lying in bed
thinking oh my god what is this why do
what if I feel it on my leg and then I'm
thinking I'm feeling it now for me I
well I take antidepressants but I also
take antipsychotics and I was mainly put
on them not really for any kind of
psychosis but for
the intrusive thoughts I my family were
going to be murdered my children are
going to die my partner is Gino me like
and it was constant constant constant
and the thoughts were so all-consuming
that I just couldn't live my life day to
day and I took him to psychotics and he
called and the force went the intrusive
thoughts back so at times of stress I
get like spiders and so I spoke to my
psychologist this was about how long ago
a year maybe you're not everywhere I'm
like checking the spiders everywhere and
so they just upped the dose and that did
the trick for me but like I've been I've
done a little bit of research like
reading about it and whereas
antipsychotics can work with someone
with them like disorders such as
schizophrenia it doesn't necessarily
work with people with BPD and I also
learn that actually it's quite common
like people with BPD having psyche by a
psychotic episode is between 20 and 50
percent so it's certainly not uncommon
we must also remember where the term
borderline first came from it was called
borderline because we bordered but so
they bleed on the edge of neurosis and
psychosis like said one of the traits is
being out of touch with reality and
having a psychotic episode it's
certainly being out of touch with
reality the difference is when like
someone's from a diagnose whether you
have a komova disorder whether it's an
actual psychotic disorder such as
schizophrenia or whether it's
a part of the VPD things they will
consider are the frequency helped and is
it happening what was bringing on is it
stress like induced the frequency the
duration of it how long it's going on
for but it sounds like there's loads
more research needed to be done because
written with regards to psychosis and
BPD but from what I've read is
definitely part of definitely part of so
many people with BPD have had some kind
of form of psychotic episode so I'm
gonna leave that there today my little
boy goes into school today a three year
old
I mean he'll be four next week he goes
for his the first day well he's only
going in for an hour to the school and
I'm like oh I'm gonna collect him from
nursery and we're going to school when
he's just still so little so I'm gonna
be doing that now at the moment I'm
currently working on a webinar that will
be coming out soon
anyone that has signed up for alerts on
unhooked mediacom when you go to the big
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if you haven't signed up please sign up
and I hope you all have a wonderful
weekend love you