hi my lovelies
so here my son in the other room he's
off sick but he's fine he's had a
vomiting bug all weekend so I couldn't
send him in today even though he's doing
dive-bombs off the sofa so he's quite
happy I have some good news let me show
you
I've got Severus back after five weeks
someone phoned and a couple phoned and I
went round I didn't even think it was
him but I just saw this cat and he was
kept there meowing at me and he had
really saw poor so I kind of said I
don't think it's him I said but I'll
take him to the vets and I'll get my
lights down for a microchip and he needs
something done to his poor cause it
lives shaking right all the fur all his
hair off it and a big chunk like a lump
of flesh out there I know they scanned
him and it was Severus and I honestly
I'm so happy I can't explain how happy I
am to have my boy back the only issue is
Remus doesn't recognize him and we must
keep hissing at him but I guess that's
because he probably smells different but
he said had antibiotics and pain relief
is bad for and yeah he's home so that's
great today I'm gonna do video requests
I'm really sorry I can't remember who
asked for this video and I looked
through and I can't find it so I had to
apologize but I was asked to speak about
BPD and eating disorders now some of you
will know some of you might not know but
I suffered with bulimia since I was 16
up until a few years ago I found the
eating disorder was harder to beat than
drug addiction so the rate of people
with BPD that have an eating disorder is
really high
higher than that of like the general
population with an eating disorder and I
think there's a few reasons for this one
is like one of the a lot of people with
eating disorders might have stuff though
some kind of trauma or abuse in their
childhood and that kind of links with
people with BPD they might have had
trauma or abuse in their childhood for
me looking back it started with my
really low self-esteem and bad
self-image and I just wanted to be thin
like so um the way I did I would binge
and then purge which makes itself sick
there's lots of different ink disorders
I suffer with bulimia nervosa and like I
said I would binge E and then induce
vomiting which I must say really messed
up my teeth right in the back I had to
have all that ones right back here taken
out I'm really lucky it hasn't affected
there as much Barra there are people
with bulimia nervosa that my vinji and
then take like use laxatives or exercise
excessively then we have anorexia
nervosa which is where someone wants to
be below a certain weight which is under
way I have a feeling I read somewhere
that like eating disorders are the
biggest killers of basically amongst
people with mental health problems and
there are others like you get people
that Benji and may not purge they just
Benji I say just it's really still not
good
but for me like I said it kind of
started with just wanting to be thin not
thinking it would go out and and it did
because obviously like in
fifteen odd years later and I'm still
doing it and in the end it wasn't even
to be thin I think I could I would eat
sometimes to fill a voyage like that the
trade chronic feelings of emptiness we
can just feel like that empty and um and
so I would binge II and then because I
was so used to after the binge eating -
bringing getting rid of the food that's
what I would do
I could binge and purge like all my
emotions because like my emotions were
all over the place and I suppose I
didn't have control of my emotions but
when it came to why a and what did when
IA I had control of even though that's
really it's really bad it was something
that I felt in control of which I know
that son absolutely nuts but that's how
it was um it was the one thing I could
control if I was just feeling either
flat or not not fat flat like just like
huh
I could eat light to make myself feel
like almost a high but I would literally
eat everything in the cupboard like so
much it's so much and then obviously
after you've purged you they can then
like you feel bit sleepy and so it was a
way almost controlling the emotions as
well by controlling the eating because I
felt I could do this now I feel sleepy
I'd feel okay for a bit and
I think like what doesn't help is like
we can have low self-esteem and I said
I'll discuss it in another video I'm
talking about a medication I suppose I
can do it in this one though a lot of us
with BPD are on antipsychotics
antipsychotics make us eat a lot
especially like at night and so I used
to literally take my medication and I'd
go up to bed and they soon ozone barrels
coming back down raging the cupboards I
could wake up at 3 a.m. and just come
down and just eat and not even really be
fully awake just be just eating and so
then that puts weight on and then the
weight gets more and more and more and
then the self-esteem goes down and down
and down and then that would cause me to
want to lose the way and because I had a
really unhealthy like attitude towards
food which I did that's the thing that
it was actually having to change my
attitude towards food that helped me but
I was explaining that in a minute
so I know I could Benji and purge if I'd
had an argument with someone if I was
upset it was like making myself feel
better and I thought food was the way to
do that and once I started eating I
couldn't stop eating it was like I
couldn't just have one pack of crisps
I'd have to have 12 or whatever I'd like
say I used to like I did gauged who like
in Eating Disorders Clinic and I had a
counselor there it kind of it didn't
like I didn't find it helpful but maybe
that's because I just I don't know maybe
I wasn't trying maybe I didn't want it
enough at the time but I stopped we I
then had a special like when I went into
rehab I had a counselor that right
specialized in eating disorders as well
as a different one with drugs so I had
the two so I could work with
both and there were times it get better
any for it to get worse when I left
rehab it got a lot worse and people I
hear like people say do you do you treat
the BPD first or do you treat the eating
disorder and I suppose like sometimes
they can be treated at the same time the
way you've got to see it what is worse
like if your your eating disorder has
got so out of hand that it's you're
actually like in a dangerous situation
then that's the one that needs to be
treated if however it's the other way
around and the BPD is out of control so
much that it's in a you're in a
dangerous situation then the BPD needs
to be treated now I actually got in
recovery from BPD first and the way I
got well was I had to change the way I
saw food I had to stop thinking I need
to be thin
fixing my feelings and that's the thing
like because a lot of it was based on my
feelings once I was in recovery from BPD
my emotions were a lot more steady and
then I was less inclined to binge so I
would lie I started going to the gym
drinking water trying to eat clean
basically like lots of fruit vegetables
home cooked meals cut out the junk food
cut out too much so cut out too sugar
but at the same time like keeping things
in moderation not saying no you can't
have any of this because when I did that
then it only lasts a few days and
they're not just loads of whatever it
was that I'd cut out so it was kind of
doing the whole thing and change it my
lifestyle change I didn't see it as a
dire as such but as a lifestyle change
and it didn't happen straight away but
in time I just
adapting and seeing food is like good
for me and wanting to give my body the
right things um and the thing is it's
really bizarre because well it's not
really but when I started eating really
well my mental health got even better
because one can make the other worse
so like if you're not eating right and
you're binging and purging like I was or
you're not eating at all or you're
overeating or you're eating at night
that can affect our mood and that that
was happening to me and when we have BPD
our moods already unstable
so it's gonna be like worse and and I
suppose like if you start with the
eating disorder maybe you like maybe you
have some people in your family that
have BPD so genetically you may get it
but you don't show any signs and then
you get an eating disorder and because
of the way that affects you physically
it could kickstart the BPD because
you're kind of predisposed to it anyway
but maybe if you didn't have the eating
disorder and that wasn't a problem
maybe like the BPD were to stay low and
it wouldn't develop maybe these are just
my thoughts guys and but yeah so if
you're kind of thinking what retreat
versa is a case of finding what what
knees treating now basically what and if
it is well they're kind of very similar
then treat both but there's different
ways I did all mood Diaries like Diaries
of what a a what mood us in before I ate
how I felt after what I did did i purge
do no binge or was a okay
if I was okay what did I do
and stuff like that so that was like in
the beginning I actually found that
really difficult and monitoring it kind
of highlighted it was a problem it just
becomes so normal for me that's the
thing it it was just like that's just
what I did it didn't see I didn't even
see the eating disorder as a problem
because I just I just didn't but
obviously they are a problem they do
affect us physically and thus they can
then affect us emotionally mentally so
I'm going to leave that there hope I
haven't missed anything out I'm sure I
have I love you loads not be back in a
week