I’ve finally persuaded my Mum to join me in a video! in this video I ask her questions and she advises both famiily members of those with BPD and also those with BPD.
Transcript:
hi guys today I've got a little guest I
got my mom my mom's my biggest fan she's
really nervous I'm gonna ask her some
questions she does not know what
questions I am going to ask okay how
different am i today than I was 10 15
years ago
well when the borderline was at its
worst a 360 degree turn around change
but you're not a different person
because her child that I had the child
that I held in my arms and watched grow
up as a little girl was always a really
sweet good
smiley beautiful albeit sensitive little
girl and so when things seemed to be
going out of control and I seem to be
losing control no matter how I came out
of being a mum changing my stance on
things thinking I'll be a bit easier I
won't be so straight maybe I need to be
more strict and strict at all
I hit sorry I I stuck with you I I
didn't love you any less
there were times I disliked you but I
knew that I didn't love you any less
I felt out of control as to what was
happening to you but what I think really
kept me going was that I knew that
inside of this and I actually used to
say that to your partner at the time
when he really wanted out you have
children at the time and he would call
me I'd say but we know that this isn't
shereena she's seriously ill we know
she's a sweet good person and
you are really good personally you were
very special I know I'm biased because
I'm your mum but you were the sweetest
kindest affectionate little girl you
were mysterious what child isn't people
would take me apart on why I let you
Beast mist mist so mysterious and I was
my answer to them was always I don't
want to break her spirit because you had
such a vibrant spirit and there was
nothing malicious about you you were
just good and sweet but you you were
pretty mysterious so I never lost sight
of that
what really gorgeous person you were and
you are now anything and and that
carried me through that that gave me the
resolve that I was going to stand by you
with all the strength and support I
could muster and I was going to make
sure that anybody else who was able to
help us in terms of doctors and nurses
etc were also going to listen to me and
I was going to get the support from them
it did mean shouting from the rooftop
rooftops
because people were writing you off but
I wasn't having it and I'm glad I stood
my ground because you were indeed very
very very ill and it was an illness that
you could recover from I know there's no
cure because it is a case of managing it
but yeah that's really bad what would
you say what would you say to family
members that are going through what
you've been through with a loved one
with borderline understand that you are
dealing with a serious illness
be informed inform yourself read up on
it if you don't like reading lots of
people don't like reading or it's
difficult or you can't find the material
there's plenty on the Internet
google it watch the videos watch arena
and there are skills out there that can
be learnt with patience and they they
work they work it's not an overnight
cure it's not something that you very
quickly necessarily see improvement and
there are times you may wonder well are
we getting anywhere because it does seem
like two steps forward and unten back
and you know absolutely not getting
anywhere with them but all I would say
is have that resolve to be stoic in your
support and just absolutely do not give
up encourage them to keep practicing
their skills and it is work in progress
it's it's like anything it's like if you
would start learning a new instrument
for instance I started learning violin a
few years ago and it's like a really
difficult instrument and it's just like
never in a million years could I even
pay to uncle twinkle little star for
instance that's early stay because you
practice because you practice what
you're taught it's like oh actually
something's happening this is working
and maybe that's a really poor analogy
but I think if you see it like that as
long as the practice is there and the
work is put in and remember it might
seem onerous and like a lot that you're
talking about the life and death at the
end of the day it's you're talking about
you either have the quality of life or
you have a hurry
honestly sad life that wrecks everybody
around you is that enough no isn't it no
it's not nothing more I'm gonna think
another question for you
alright I can't just say there's another
mum out there and their child keeps
attempting suicide they do not know what
to do what advice would you care for
would you say it's really hard I think
she knows done videos on suicide
I hope I'm her biggest fan let me say
she uploads a video and she what's
happened to me I don't know I'm at work
and I'm secretly a while I meant to be
working behind my computer I I'm
watching her latest uploads but I
haven't gone back I can't what I can't
watch says it's far too painful I not
too often but I do sometimes lie in bed
thinking what a miracle it is that we
are where we are today and I'm thinking
back to then and I have it's so painful
I have to distract myself so I
understand completely what horrendous
scenario is to be in when you've got a
child that seemingly just doesn't want
to be here anymore and they don't want
to be here because it's so very very
painful I mean shereena I think there
were about nine suicide attempts
six of those that doctors didn't think
she'd make it but you just must up every
iota of strength that you have within
you and believe me when push comes to
shove you find this dog and Chuen
strength that you never in a million
years imagined you you you had but when
you're talking about your child your son
your daughter your loved one and they're
your flesh and blood and you feel so
helpless
you have to believe that you can get
through this you have to encourage them
to use the skills not now and again
intermittently every day several times a
day until it is so interwoven and
entrenched within them and probably you
as well but slowly slowly you see
progress and what's showing us videos
for goodness sakes watching those videos
she's so honest and I can tell you that
everything she's telling you it's
completely how it was and how it is and
so listen to her I think you could do a
lot worse would you to say to someone
with borderline what would you say
watch the video really watch Serena 100%
what Serena follow her watch her all the
time
don't just watch it once get back on it
how on her every word just listen to her
but believe that she's living she's
living proof that you needn't live in
this complete nightmare forever but it's
not something that's just going to be
happen by sitting there doing nothing
you get out of it what you put into it
and surely the the prize at the end of
the day is having a quality of life like
those that you see looking at enjoying
their life and that you wish you could
be like you too can have that but you
have to you have to do the skills the
DBT she has done deep PT videos it works
obviously she's living proof you've got
to be patient really really patient
and and stick with it and believe
believe that I'm I'm going to see light
at the end of the tunnel I can do this
and not I can do this
I will do this I am going to prove to my
family to myself you do it for yourself
first and foremost but my family that
I'm not this person this horrible person
that they think I am I know that this
that's not me there's a lot of person in
here and I'm going to prove it to you
but you have to put in the work yeah
wasn't so bad horrendous sorry darling
no still on am i they say yes they right
[Music]
got my mom my mom's my biggest fan she's
really nervous I'm gonna ask her some
questions she does not know what
questions I am going to ask okay how
different am i today than I was 10 15
years ago
well when the borderline was at its
worst a 360 degree turn around change
but you're not a different person
because her child that I had the child
that I held in my arms and watched grow
up as a little girl was always a really
sweet good
smiley beautiful albeit sensitive little
girl and so when things seemed to be
going out of control and I seem to be
losing control no matter how I came out
of being a mum changing my stance on
things thinking I'll be a bit easier I
won't be so straight maybe I need to be
more strict and strict at all
I hit sorry I I stuck with you I I
didn't love you any less
there were times I disliked you but I
knew that I didn't love you any less
I felt out of control as to what was
happening to you but what I think really
kept me going was that I knew that
inside of this and I actually used to
say that to your partner at the time
when he really wanted out you have
children at the time and he would call
me I'd say but we know that this isn't
shereena she's seriously ill we know
she's a sweet good person and
you are really good personally you were
very special I know I'm biased because
I'm your mum but you were the sweetest
kindest affectionate little girl you
were mysterious what child isn't people
would take me apart on why I let you
Beast mist mist so mysterious and I was
my answer to them was always I don't
want to break her spirit because you had
such a vibrant spirit and there was
nothing malicious about you you were
just good and sweet but you you were
pretty mysterious so I never lost sight
of that
what really gorgeous person you were and
you are now anything and and that
carried me through that that gave me the
resolve that I was going to stand by you
with all the strength and support I
could muster and I was going to make
sure that anybody else who was able to
help us in terms of doctors and nurses
etc were also going to listen to me and
I was going to get the support from them
it did mean shouting from the rooftop
rooftops
because people were writing you off but
I wasn't having it and I'm glad I stood
my ground because you were indeed very
very very ill and it was an illness that
you could recover from I know there's no
cure because it is a case of managing it
but yeah that's really bad what would
you say what would you say to family
members that are going through what
you've been through with a loved one
with borderline understand that you are
dealing with a serious illness
be informed inform yourself read up on
it if you don't like reading lots of
people don't like reading or it's
difficult or you can't find the material
there's plenty on the Internet
google it watch the videos watch arena
and there are skills out there that can
be learnt with patience and they they
work they work it's not an overnight
cure it's not something that you very
quickly necessarily see improvement and
there are times you may wonder well are
we getting anywhere because it does seem
like two steps forward and unten back
and you know absolutely not getting
anywhere with them but all I would say
is have that resolve to be stoic in your
support and just absolutely do not give
up encourage them to keep practicing
their skills and it is work in progress
it's it's like anything it's like if you
would start learning a new instrument
for instance I started learning violin a
few years ago and it's like a really
difficult instrument and it's just like
never in a million years could I even
pay to uncle twinkle little star for
instance that's early stay because you
practice because you practice what
you're taught it's like oh actually
something's happening this is working
and maybe that's a really poor analogy
but I think if you see it like that as
long as the practice is there and the
work is put in and remember it might
seem onerous and like a lot that you're
talking about the life and death at the
end of the day it's you're talking about
you either have the quality of life or
you have a hurry
honestly sad life that wrecks everybody
around you is that enough no isn't it no
it's not nothing more I'm gonna think
another question for you
alright I can't just say there's another
mum out there and their child keeps
attempting suicide they do not know what
to do what advice would you care for
would you say it's really hard I think
she knows done videos on suicide
I hope I'm her biggest fan let me say
she uploads a video and she what's
happened to me I don't know I'm at work
and I'm secretly a while I meant to be
working behind my computer I I'm
watching her latest uploads but I
haven't gone back I can't what I can't
watch says it's far too painful I not
too often but I do sometimes lie in bed
thinking what a miracle it is that we
are where we are today and I'm thinking
back to then and I have it's so painful
I have to distract myself so I
understand completely what horrendous
scenario is to be in when you've got a
child that seemingly just doesn't want
to be here anymore and they don't want
to be here because it's so very very
painful I mean shereena I think there
were about nine suicide attempts
six of those that doctors didn't think
she'd make it but you just must up every
iota of strength that you have within
you and believe me when push comes to
shove you find this dog and Chuen
strength that you never in a million
years imagined you you you had but when
you're talking about your child your son
your daughter your loved one and they're
your flesh and blood and you feel so
helpless
you have to believe that you can get
through this you have to encourage them
to use the skills not now and again
intermittently every day several times a
day until it is so interwoven and
entrenched within them and probably you
as well but slowly slowly you see
progress and what's showing us videos
for goodness sakes watching those videos
she's so honest and I can tell you that
everything she's telling you it's
completely how it was and how it is and
so listen to her I think you could do a
lot worse would you to say to someone
with borderline what would you say
watch the video really watch Serena 100%
what Serena follow her watch her all the
time
don't just watch it once get back on it
how on her every word just listen to her
but believe that she's living she's
living proof that you needn't live in
this complete nightmare forever but it's
not something that's just going to be
happen by sitting there doing nothing
you get out of it what you put into it
and surely the the prize at the end of
the day is having a quality of life like
those that you see looking at enjoying
their life and that you wish you could
be like you too can have that but you
have to you have to do the skills the
DBT she has done deep PT videos it works
obviously she's living proof you've got
to be patient really really patient
and and stick with it and believe
believe that I'm I'm going to see light
at the end of the tunnel I can do this
and not I can do this
I will do this I am going to prove to my
family to myself you do it for yourself
first and foremost but my family that
I'm not this person this horrible person
that they think I am I know that this
that's not me there's a lot of person in
here and I'm going to prove it to you
but you have to put in the work yeah
wasn't so bad horrendous sorry darling
no still on am i they say yes they right
[Music]