hi my lovelies today I'm filming
upstairs because Darren is still poorly
he's downstairs to sleep my daughter is
also of school Paulie it just feels that
my household has had someone poorly in
it that at some point non-stop for the
past six months there's always something
but I'm okay so that's okay right today
I'm gonna talk about the embarrassing
things we do because of borderline
personality disorder now I have done too
many embarrassing things to count there
I believe I've put some stories in Oh
things I did in my book but today I'm
gonna talk to you about some other
things because we have a good way of
embarrassing ourselves not always
immediately it might not be we're
embarrassed at the time but then with
hindsight so for example I told you the
time ahead
Wow with my partner squished my boobs on
the window and screams look what you
made me do
at the time I wasn't embarrassed but
afterwards I was mortified and a time I
followed my mom into a gym screaming and
shouting she that was actually very
embarrassing for her at the time for me
it's embarrassing with hindsight but
like I said there's literally so many
things so I'm gonna list a few things
and the reasons for it now one of them
is oversharing
I would over share with everyone I could
just go to the bar buy a drink and
there'd be some random person there and
all of a sudden I've told them my life
story they're just like looking at me
and I would over share all the time and
I think it was kind of like I wanted
people don't judge me please like me
he's like me this is my story
it clear leave me but please date me
yeah so oversharing is definitely one of
them
and another thing I would do was tell
lies so people could like me now I'm
sure I've told you the story before I
was 18
now this sounds a bit crazy because
basically I was I met guy and he was
really into 2pac and two packs music now
believe it or not when I was 18 I hadn't
heard of 2pac maybe I'd lived a really
sheltered life but I just never been
into that music I would had been into
bands like Boyzone and the Spice Girls
so 2pac was not on my radar so I met a
guy in a pub and he liked to pack and I
really wanted him to like me so I was
like oh I love to pack too and he was
like oh do you I said yeah I went to his
concert last year I didn't know 2pac was
dead and it was only when the guys
pulled me on it that I was mortified cuz
I've been caught out in my lie basically
and that's not the only time that happen
that happened quite a lot because I just
wanted to fit in so I would just make
stuff up hoping that I would fit in and
it was it wasn't embarrassing if I
wasn't caught out but there were times
when I was caught out and it was
mortifying and another thing I would do
again like I don't know why I did this
but I think it was because again it was
like please like me please like me so if
I was like with a group of friends and
they told the story of something that
happened to them I would always like
then have to tell a better story like to
get one up so if they said oh the
maddest thing happened to me in the shop
the other day Dada Dada Dada da I would
immediately go oh yeah well guess what
happens to me
I would always turn the conversation
around so I had a better story to tell
at the time I don't think I realized I
was doing it again it's with hindsight
that you look back anything why did I do
that um but I think a lot of it is
because of our fear of abandonment we
desperately want people to like us and
[Music]
like so if someone told a funny story I
would then have to tell a funny a story
because I wanted to be the funniest one
if someone told a sad story I had to
taste sad a story because especially
first there was a group and I saw people
how they reacted she that person's story
and I was like oh like subconsciously I
wouldn't actually think oh I like the
way they're reacting to her I would I
want to be to that I'll just do it and
come out with stuff and other
embarrassing things were to do with my
intense jealousy stalking someone like
following them and getting caught out do
a neck because at the time I wasn't
embarrassed if I was jealous and I was
searching through someone's phone and I
can't get it catch them out I was so
consumed with catching them out I
wouldn't be embarrassed but then if they
caught me doing that I would be
embarrassed either then or later on once
hard to calm down and realized they
haven't done in the thing why was I
looking to help why was I doing that
sabotaging events which we talked about
recently especially when like if it was
just like me and a partner or me and my
friends it's embarrassing but I can cope
with that but it was when like other
friends family were there or my
partner's family like people that I
wasn't really close to
but I let my emotions get in the way I
kicked off I acted a certain way not
caring that they were at there at the
time but afterwards having this like
deep embarrassment like oh my god
they've actually seen what I'm like and
what I can do and it's embarrassing
because then you think how many people
are they telling this to you know
they're gonna be talking about you and
there's nothing you can do because
you've already like just act it out in
front of them and they've witnessed it
first and what we can be like um and I
think that acts again the intense anger
we can get where we can just feel this
rage take off without thinking and then
with hindsight thinking oh maybe I
shouldn't have done that I have got some
like really embarrassing stories that
are so embarrassing that like owning me
in one person might know about that to
this day I don't help people maybe one
day but they still mortify me and I
think a lot the my block from my mind
there's the time I walk down the street
like I've told you this before where I
just like put my skirt up I'm flashing
my bits to passing cars because I was in
the mood with my ex who was my partner
at the time I was in the mood with him
flash my bit so strangers um what else
what else because there are literally so
many different things and a lot the time
it is because of our overreacting
perceiving something to be a certain way
reacting on it and then after realising
actually our perception was completely
out and we were completely wrong and we
went really over-the-top there
but there are like obviously some of the
things can on so much more than
embarrassing may cause of guilt and
shame and remorse and all that but the
embarrassing things there like I there
was a storm he do I tell you know I
leave there because it's in my book say
yeah if you have any good embarrassing
stories because of the VPD let me know
in the comment section below and I will
be back in the week my lovelies I love
you blades