Today I discuss how I believe my BPD contributed to my extreme tiredness and also my procrastination!
Transcript:
i'ma lovelies today I'm going to talk
about borderline personality disorder
and extreme tiredness the reason I
decided to talk about this is because
I'm really tired but it got me thinking
I am actually nowhere near as tired as I
used to be now I have children now so I
have to be up at a certain time so I aim
to get in bed for ten I aim for ten it's
a bit later often I aim to be asleep by
11:00 so I get a Sona man I get eight
about eight hours and back before I had
children eight hours would have been
like a nap for me I needed 1516 hours I
was like a cat
every day I just had to sleep I was so
tired all the time like so tired now you
don't seem very poorly I told you didn't
I I've got child ill at the moment all
the time this one had a temperature of
40 he's had some medicine he's flying
around the house being a dinosaur say
extreme tiredness Oh form it fatigue is
not BPD trait but I very much think of
my extreme tiredness was because of the
borderline personality disorder and I
think that for a few reasons but if we
just take some random off the street who
doesn't have borderline and they are
going about their day and they have
something stressful come
maybe they get a phone call from a
family member and they have drama going
on and it's stressful and they feel
stressed chances are the next day
they'll be like oh I'm so tired I'm just
emotionally drained for it all okay
really like that all the time except
when we're on the attack when we are
detecting a threat because that gets
tough pumping around our body so we're
not tired
what I mean is okay so the
fight-or-flight response I'm talking
about if we go back from prehistoric
times and there was a huntsman trying to
hunt some food and he hasn't eaten in
days and he's like and then he hears an
animal the fight-or-flight response gets
his body like energized ready to go that
extra bear to get the animal to survive
so he can eat so when our
fight-or-flight response is triggered
when we detect a threat when we think
someone is looking at us funny when we
think how partner is cheating on us
alone to leave us so all the other
things that we think then we're not
tired because our brain does void ours
so we can either fight but our body can
only do that for so long and the thing
is we have our fight-or-flight response
triggered all the time like all the time
and so it's no wonder emotionally and
physically
we are drained
we are so
tired so I very much think it is because
of our constant intense emotions the UPS
the downs the highs the lows the
roundabouts all that makes us so so
tired that we just want to sleep but
that's not the only reason I think we
get this extreme tiredness I think part
of it is depression we feel down we
don't want to get up for me it was like
because I felt anxious all the time
obviously anxiety the same thing has the
physical effect so it is draining but
also I felt safe when I was in my bed I
couldn't be looking around thinking
who's talking about me what bad things
gonna be happen when I was cold up under
my blanket with my head like this
I felt safe so why would I get out of
there and go and put myself in a
position that makes me feel not so good
when actually I could just curl up and
be nice and warm and cozy and just sleep
another one of the traits that we have
is that chronic feeling of emptiness
that does know that boredom and well it
comes across as different some people
feel it's like depression some days it
can make us act impulsively because we
desperately want to fill the void for me
very much I just felt like bored
everything was boring and and to the
point that I think it was more excited I
used to think I'm gonna get in bed and
have really exciting dream and that
would excite me I think that was more
enticing than just walking around
thinking I'm bored so I'd get all
excited thinking what am I gonna dream
about as I get into bed and another
thing I think like that I always
suffered with as well as the tiredness I
and I don't know if they kind of link
but I procrastinate
said over everything I just couldn't do
anything and I was thinking why was I
like this I can still do it now to an
extent for example I have no idea it
must be what between 1:00 and 2:00 now
I've been meaning to do this video since
1112 three hours and all I had to I
haven't planned it so I didn't need to
plan I just had to turn my camera but I
can still dare consumed with that
feeling of like I'm not good enough
what's the point I don't know what I'm
talking about
[Music]
and just that self-doubt I can still get
me not to the point that you used to
because to the the way used to was I
just didn't do anything because I feared
failure so much I wouldn't even try I
because if I didn't try then I couldn't
fail because I didn't do it so I would
purposefully just not do things I would
in my head have these great ideas I
think oh my god that's a brilliant idea
you should do that it's amazing but when
it actually came to sitting down and
doing it ah rubbish idea it's gonna fail
anyway you're no good and I think that
stems from our our low self-esteem I run
clear self innate or unstable self-image
um but like I said I can still kind of
get like that now but I just have to
kind of bite the bullet and think no I'm
just gonna do it I just have to turn my
camera on and so that's what I did came
in here and I was like just turn it on
and start filming and just start talking
and because I overthink things I think a
lot of people with BPD we overthink a
lot um and I've said before like a brain
can be like her own worst enemy and so
we might have all these great ideas and
these are aspirations that we want to
like
hate towards but our brain starts
overthinking it and telling us that
we're not good enough that we will never
achieve what we want to achieve so why
waste our time we may as well just curl
up in bed and do sweet FA because we're
safe in bed we are safe we can have
exciting dreams that aren't boring and
we can just hibernate for a bear and
then come out when we feel like it
that's not living life either
that's just hiding away so it's
important when we think of the tiredness
look at number of things because I
started taking some vitamins with b12 in
it
someone said maybe you luck in b12 now I
didn't go for a test but I started
taking vitamins but you know what I feel
better from it after two weeks I'm like
wow this is done something so if you are
I mean it might not be the BPD check
with your doctor get all that like your
blood tests antithyroid iron etc vit
mandi um yeah I'm gonna leave it there
my lovely lovely people and I will be
back in the week I love you all eight
about borderline personality disorder
and extreme tiredness the reason I
decided to talk about this is because
I'm really tired but it got me thinking
I am actually nowhere near as tired as I
used to be now I have children now so I
have to be up at a certain time so I aim
to get in bed for ten I aim for ten it's
a bit later often I aim to be asleep by
11:00 so I get a Sona man I get eight
about eight hours and back before I had
children eight hours would have been
like a nap for me I needed 1516 hours I
was like a cat
every day I just had to sleep I was so
tired all the time like so tired now you
don't seem very poorly I told you didn't
I I've got child ill at the moment all
the time this one had a temperature of
40 he's had some medicine he's flying
around the house being a dinosaur say
extreme tiredness Oh form it fatigue is
not BPD trait but I very much think of
my extreme tiredness was because of the
borderline personality disorder and I
think that for a few reasons but if we
just take some random off the street who
doesn't have borderline and they are
going about their day and they have
something stressful come
maybe they get a phone call from a
family member and they have drama going
on and it's stressful and they feel
stressed chances are the next day
they'll be like oh I'm so tired I'm just
emotionally drained for it all okay
really like that all the time except
when we're on the attack when we are
detecting a threat because that gets
tough pumping around our body so we're
not tired
what I mean is okay so the
fight-or-flight response I'm talking
about if we go back from prehistoric
times and there was a huntsman trying to
hunt some food and he hasn't eaten in
days and he's like and then he hears an
animal the fight-or-flight response gets
his body like energized ready to go that
extra bear to get the animal to survive
so he can eat so when our
fight-or-flight response is triggered
when we detect a threat when we think
someone is looking at us funny when we
think how partner is cheating on us
alone to leave us so all the other
things that we think then we're not
tired because our brain does void ours
so we can either fight but our body can
only do that for so long and the thing
is we have our fight-or-flight response
triggered all the time like all the time
and so it's no wonder emotionally and
physically
we are drained
we are so
tired so I very much think it is because
of our constant intense emotions the UPS
the downs the highs the lows the
roundabouts all that makes us so so
tired that we just want to sleep but
that's not the only reason I think we
get this extreme tiredness I think part
of it is depression we feel down we
don't want to get up for me it was like
because I felt anxious all the time
obviously anxiety the same thing has the
physical effect so it is draining but
also I felt safe when I was in my bed I
couldn't be looking around thinking
who's talking about me what bad things
gonna be happen when I was cold up under
my blanket with my head like this
I felt safe so why would I get out of
there and go and put myself in a
position that makes me feel not so good
when actually I could just curl up and
be nice and warm and cozy and just sleep
another one of the traits that we have
is that chronic feeling of emptiness
that does know that boredom and well it
comes across as different some people
feel it's like depression some days it
can make us act impulsively because we
desperately want to fill the void for me
very much I just felt like bored
everything was boring and and to the
point that I think it was more excited I
used to think I'm gonna get in bed and
have really exciting dream and that
would excite me I think that was more
enticing than just walking around
thinking I'm bored so I'd get all
excited thinking what am I gonna dream
about as I get into bed and another
thing I think like that I always
suffered with as well as the tiredness I
and I don't know if they kind of link
but I procrastinate
said over everything I just couldn't do
anything and I was thinking why was I
like this I can still do it now to an
extent for example I have no idea it
must be what between 1:00 and 2:00 now
I've been meaning to do this video since
1112 three hours and all I had to I
haven't planned it so I didn't need to
plan I just had to turn my camera but I
can still dare consumed with that
feeling of like I'm not good enough
what's the point I don't know what I'm
talking about
[Music]
and just that self-doubt I can still get
me not to the point that you used to
because to the the way used to was I
just didn't do anything because I feared
failure so much I wouldn't even try I
because if I didn't try then I couldn't
fail because I didn't do it so I would
purposefully just not do things I would
in my head have these great ideas I
think oh my god that's a brilliant idea
you should do that it's amazing but when
it actually came to sitting down and
doing it ah rubbish idea it's gonna fail
anyway you're no good and I think that
stems from our our low self-esteem I run
clear self innate or unstable self-image
um but like I said I can still kind of
get like that now but I just have to
kind of bite the bullet and think no I'm
just gonna do it I just have to turn my
camera on and so that's what I did came
in here and I was like just turn it on
and start filming and just start talking
and because I overthink things I think a
lot of people with BPD we overthink a
lot um and I've said before like a brain
can be like her own worst enemy and so
we might have all these great ideas and
these are aspirations that we want to
like
hate towards but our brain starts
overthinking it and telling us that
we're not good enough that we will never
achieve what we want to achieve so why
waste our time we may as well just curl
up in bed and do sweet FA because we're
safe in bed we are safe we can have
exciting dreams that aren't boring and
we can just hibernate for a bear and
then come out when we feel like it
that's not living life either
that's just hiding away so it's
important when we think of the tiredness
look at number of things because I
started taking some vitamins with b12 in
it
someone said maybe you luck in b12 now I
didn't go for a test but I started
taking vitamins but you know what I feel
better from it after two weeks I'm like
wow this is done something so if you are
I mean it might not be the BPD check
with your doctor get all that like your
blood tests antithyroid iron etc vit
mandi um yeah I'm gonna leave it there
my lovely lovely people and I will be
back in the week I love you all eight