Today I discuss the BPD trait Unclear or Unstable self-image. Many of us struggle with this, to the point where we don’t know who we are. We wear a ‘mask’ and adapt to our surroundings, desperately trying to fit in, but to the point where it is detrimental to ourselves.
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hi my lovelies happy Friday today I'm
doing a video request from watch Lee
hello Wesley and he asked me to talk
about and we don't know who we are so I
am gonna do that but ever so quickly if
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to watch please request we don't know
who we are okay it's actually one of the
borderline personality disorder traits
unstable or unclear self image now the
two are a bit different in unstable one
minute we can think yeah we can do
anything I can sign up and do a
university course and get a degree I'm
gonna get an amazing job and then it
changes - I can't do anything I'm
hopeless I'm useless
an unclear self image is exactly that we
we don't know who we are it's as simple
as that
and I think it all kind of stems from
our really low self esteem it's kind of
a chicken and the egg thing because what
comes first
do we have low self-esteem because we
don't know who we are or we have an
unstable self-image or is it because our
answer we have an unclear or unstable
self-image that we then can't possibly
build her self-esteem
for many of us we grow up we enter our
teens and it's usually in the ten years
teen years are hold anyway and if we
really just don't like ourselves many of
us actually get bullied we're highly
highly sensitive and we kind of grow up
trying desperately to fit in with people
around us I from like when I was at
school if my friend dyed her hair red I
would have to dye my hair red I am if
they bought a certain outfit I would
have to buy a certain outfit if they
said they like to certain music I would
have just like that music and it's kind
of followed me throughout my life where
I would I've talked about it before but
I was like a chameleon I would adapt to
who I'm surrounded with so if I was with
my cockney mates I've got a are you
doing and I would actually just start
talking like that but if I was with
someone who was a bit posh okay hello
how are you and I've really adapt to the
point that actually it's got it's a
little bit cringe but I've even noticed
like if I'm talking to someone and say
in a shop and they're from up north I
start talking like that go alright and I
just automatically do it it's like
there's something in me that without
even consciously thinking I start
mimicking now I know in real life like
people mimicked certain like we tend to
mirror people but I would do it really
extreme I mean I'm not from the north so
I have no reason to talk like that
but that's how I would talk and yeah so
I would like if friends like I said like
to certain music I would start listening
to that music
and the thing is I actually really
believe that I did like it and it was
when I went into rehab that I started
questioning I was actually given like an
assignment to do to find out who I am
and it was like just really basic
questions like what's your favorite
what kind of films do you like what's
your favorite food and I wrote it all
down but then when I read it I thought
actually do I actually I like that music
because the group of friends are always
worrying so that music is that actually
what I like and I just didn't know one
of the other traits that we have is a
chronic feelings of emptiness and some
people it is just you just feel nothing
you feel completely empty inside but for
others it's you feel this longing you
want something but you don't know what
you want and I think or not this is
actually linked to the fact that we have
an unclear self-image because we don't
know who we are and so then we don't
know what we want we want something what
is it
we just don't know and I think until we
learn to either stabilize our self
self-image or we build it and learn who
we are then we can start realizing our
dreams and what we want and what we like
and I think that can help with the
chronic feelings of emptiness our
self-esteem is like so low I I cannot
tell you how low my self-esteem was but
here's the thing no one would have known
because I wore this mask and I could
come across really confident but I felt
like I was in
actor in a film and I was acting apart I
was just playing a part and because I
felt like I was acting in a film I
didn't have to come across nervous or
anything because I'm just playing a part
and I was kind of detached from him and
when I came into recovery it was very
much taking the mask off and trying to
show my true self and that took a long
time because the true me didn't like me
that's why I wore a mask because I
didn't like me so if I didn't like me
how could anyone else like me but it
takes time building your self-esteem and
I think you've kind of got it we'll do
it all together learning who we are and
that in turn helps build our self-esteem
once we start building our self-esteem
we start getting more confident to put
down the mask and say actually this is
me today I would be quite happy if to
like be in front of a really judgmental
crowd of people luckily I don't have a
big group of judgmental friends but if I
was and they were all saying oh this is
the best music but I like the opposite I
would not be afraid to say today oh no I
don't like that I like this
and even if they were what you like that
I like that because I'm content with who
I am I know who I am I'm not embarrassed
and you know what I was thinking today
actually I'm actually I have borderline
personality disorder and I'm proud of it
and I can say that today there was a
time that I couldn't say that but I
think when you get into recovery I don't
think it's anything to be ashamed of we
we think differently we can feel
differently and so we behave differently
but rather than thinking I'm different I
like to think we're unique
I have done a video before all the
positives and I think there are a huge
amount of positives to having borderline
personality disorder again I think this
is because now I have a stable
self-image don't get me wrong like of
obviously there's still times when you
can question things I think that's kind
of life and it's fun finding out who we
are what do we like what kind of people
do we like one thing I did find is that
I didn't necessarily always surround
myself with the best people it was I was
drinking and using and I think we can
all think we have so many friends but
then we look a bit closer and are they
truly our friends are they truly
supportive a lot of times they're
actually not and I didn't see it because
I was just so busy trying to be like
them and to fit in I never asked the
question why are these people actually
good for me and there were a lot of
people that weren't good for me now
that's not to say I used to hang around
with loads of horrible people because
that's just not the case there were lots
of wonderful people as well but I think
if we're going to stabilize our
self-image and learn who we are and
build our self-esteem we do have to look
at the people that we surround ourselves
with because unfortunately there are
toxic people out there and and it's not
necessarily toxic people that just put
you down all the time it might be
someone who's a bit more
passive-aggressive a friend that is
always there for you when you're down
but doesn't want to know when things are
going well for you if things are picking
up and you're happy all of a sudden
they're not there and you got to ask
yourself why is that maybe they like
seem less went down it's drama um are
these people that we want in our lives
because do you know what guys we have in
one life and we can make it like an
amazing one but if we are surrounded
with people that SAP our energy that
maybe are overly critical
not there for us when things are good
how are we gonna build our self-esteem
and so I would recommend to anyone just
err just to notice who you surround
yourselves with also like when it comes
to our wrong player self-image I think
we are very good at picking out all our
faults what was it what was the saying
there was a saying by was Einstein as
Einstein I think it might have been and
it was something like if you judged a
fish on its ability to not climb a tree
the fish would spend its whole life
thinking it's stupid and and that's the
thing is rather than look at what we are
good at like for example the fish is a
good swimmer we tend to focus on I can't
do this I'm rubbish at this and we kind
of think that is who we are and we
failed to even notice the things that
we're really good at and it's that
constant negative self-talk that grinds
us down makes us feel even more
and so we have to make a conscious
effort to become aware of the things we
say to ourselves and if we make a
mistake do we beat ourselves off of our
and say oh you can't do anything or do
we say to you know what I'm human
humans make mistakes and I made a
mistake at that maybe that is not the
best thing I am like the thing I'm best
at but I can do this and I can do this
and we need to start focusing on our
good points and they are there no matter
what you think they are there and I like
the saying we gotta fake it to make it
because I think that's so true
like for example saying positive
affirmations saying I am a wonderful
person when I was first told to say
positive affirmations I felt like such
an idiot like because I didn't leave it
but sometimes we've got to say it we
might not believe it if we say it often
enough eventually we're going to stop
leaving it I think I will leave that
video there guys I hope you all have a
wonderful weekend do remember please
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love you bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

2 thoughts on “BPD – “Who am I?!”

  1. I’d like to be friends with you and meet you someday. You’re an inspiration to me and your videos are very helpful to me as I suffer from BPD as well. I’ve even got my daughter to watch your videos so she can better understand me since you are better at explaining what BPD is than me.

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