Today I discuss the BPD trait Unclear or Unstable self-image. Many of us struggle with this, to the point where we don’t know who we are. We wear a ‘mask’ and adapt to our surroundings, desperately trying to fit in, but to the point where it is detrimental to ourselves. Below is the link so you can sign up for free about notifications!
hi my lovelies happy Friday today I'm doing a video request from watch Lee hello Wesley and he asked me to talk about and we don't know who we are so I am gonna do that but ever so quickly if I've got a little favor to ask you if you go on to WWN hugs mediacom i will put a link below and go to authors and go - shereena rooney that's me you can sign up it is completely free to sign up and you will get any notices if I'm doing for any talks near you or any events the reason I'm asking you to do this is if we get lots of people from one area then chances are I'm going to be able to come and see you but obviously we don't know unless we see the interest coming in so if you could do that that would be wonderful like I said I will put a link below right back to watch please request we don't know who we are okay it's actually one of the borderline personality disorder traits unstable or unclear self image now the two are a bit different in unstable one minute we can think yeah we can do anything I can sign up and do a university course and get a degree I'm gonna get an amazing job and then it changes - I can't do anything I'm hopeless I'm useless an unclear self image is exactly that we we don't know who we are it's as simple as that and I think it all kind of stems from our really low self esteem it's kind of a chicken and the egg thing because what comes first do we have low self-esteem because we don't know who we are or we have an unstable self-image or is it because our answer we have an unclear or unstable self-image that we then can't possibly build her self-esteem for many of us we grow up we enter our teens and it's usually in the ten years teen years are hold anyway and if we really just don't like ourselves many of us actually get bullied we're highly highly sensitive and we kind of grow up trying desperately to fit in with people around us I from like when I was at school if my friend dyed her hair red I would have to dye my hair red I am if they bought a certain outfit I would have to buy a certain outfit if they said they like to certain music I would have just like that music and it's kind of followed me throughout my life where I would I've talked about it before but I was like a chameleon I would adapt to who I'm surrounded with so if I was with my cockney mates I've got a are you doing and I would actually just start talking like that but if I was with someone who was a bit posh okay hello how are you and I've really adapt to the point that actually it's got it's a little bit cringe but I've even noticed like if I'm talking to someone and say in a shop and they're from up north I start talking like that go alright and I just automatically do it it's like there's something in me that without even consciously thinking I start mimicking now I know in real life like people mimicked certain like we tend to mirror people but I would do it really extreme I mean I'm not from the north so I have no reason to talk like that but that's how I would talk and yeah so I would like if friends like I said like to certain music I would start listening to that music and the thing is I actually really believe that I did like it and it was when I went into rehab that I started questioning I was actually given like an assignment to do to find out who I am and it was like just really basic questions like what's your favorite color what kind of films do you like what's your favorite food and I wrote it all down but then when I read it I thought actually do I actually I like that music because the group of friends are always worrying so that music is that actually what I like and I just didn't know one of the other traits that we have is a chronic feelings of emptiness and some people it is just you just feel nothing you feel completely empty inside but for others it's you feel this longing you want something but you don't know what you want and I think or not this is actually linked to the fact that we have an unclear self-image because we don't know who we are and so then we don't know what we want we want something what is it we just don't know and I think until we learn to either stabilize our self self-image or we build it and learn who we are then we can start realizing our dreams and what we want and what we like and I think that can help with the chronic feelings of emptiness our self-esteem is like so low I I cannot tell you how low my self-esteem was but here's the thing no one would have known because I wore this mask and I could come across really confident but I felt like I was in actor in a film and I was acting apart I was just playing a part and because I felt like I was acting in a film I didn't have to come across nervous or anything because I'm just playing a part and I was kind of detached from him and when I came into recovery it was very much taking the mask off and trying to show my true self and that took a long time because the true me didn't like me that's why I wore a mask because I didn't like me so if I didn't like me how could anyone else like me but it takes time building your self-esteem and I think you've kind of got it we'll do it all together learning who we are and that in turn helps build our self-esteem once we start building our self-esteem we start getting more confident to put down the mask and say actually this is me today I would be quite happy if to like be in front of a really judgmental crowd of people luckily I don't have a big group of judgmental friends but if I was and they were all saying oh this is the best music but I like the opposite I would not be afraid to say today oh no I don't like that I like this and even if they were what you like that I like that because I'm content with who I am I know who I am I'm not embarrassed and you know what I was thinking today actually I'm actually I have borderline personality disorder and I'm proud of it and I can say that today there was a time that I couldn't say that but I think when you get into recovery I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of we we think differently we can feel differently and so we behave differently but rather than thinking I'm different I like to think we're unique I have done a video before all the positives and I think there are a huge amount of positives to having borderline personality disorder again I think this is because now I have a stable self-image don't get me wrong like of obviously there's still times when you can question things I think that's kind of life and it's fun finding out who we are what do we like what kind of people do we like one thing I did find is that I didn't necessarily always surround myself with the best people it was I was drinking and using and I think we can all think we have so many friends but then we look a bit closer and are they truly our friends are they truly supportive a lot of times they're actually not and I didn't see it because I was just so busy trying to be like them and to fit in I never asked the question why are these people actually good for me and there were a lot of people that weren't good for me now that's not to say I used to hang around with loads of horrible people because that's just not the case there were lots of wonderful people as well but I think if we're going to stabilize our self-image and learn who we are and build our self-esteem we do have to look at the people that we surround ourselves with because unfortunately there are toxic people out there and and it's not necessarily toxic people that just put you down all the time it might be someone who's a bit more passive-aggressive a friend that is always there for you when you're down but doesn't want to know when things are going well for you if things are picking up and you're happy all of a sudden they're not there and you got to ask yourself why is that maybe they like seem less went down it's drama um are these people that we want in our lives because do you know what guys we have in one life and we can make it like an amazing one but if we are surrounded with people that SAP our energy that maybe are overly critical passive-aggressive not there for us when things are good how are we gonna build our self-esteem and so I would recommend to anyone just err just to notice who you surround yourselves with also like when it comes to our wrong player self-image I think we are very good at picking out all our faults what was it what was the saying there was a saying by was Einstein as Einstein I think it might have been and it was something like if you judged a fish on its ability to not climb a tree the fish would spend its whole life thinking it's stupid and and that's the thing is rather than look at what we are good at like for example the fish is a good swimmer we tend to focus on I can't do this I'm rubbish at this and we kind of think that is who we are and we failed to even notice the things that we're really good at and it's that constant negative self-talk that grinds us down makes us feel even more worthless and so we have to make a conscious effort to become aware of the things we say to ourselves and if we make a mistake do we beat ourselves off of our and say oh you can't do anything or do we say to you know what I'm human humans make mistakes and I made a mistake at that maybe that is not the best thing I am like the thing I'm best at but I can do this and I can do this and we need to start focusing on our good points and they are there no matter what you think they are there and I like the saying we gotta fake it to make it because I think that's so true like for example saying positive affirmations saying I am a wonderful person when I was first told to say positive affirmations I felt like such an idiot like because I didn't leave it but sometimes we've got to say it we might not believe it if we say it often enough eventually we're going to stop leaving it I think I will leave that video there guys I hope you all have a wonderful weekend do remember 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This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.